Sister in law driving me mad

edellc

i used the wrong language recently while in the presence of my sister in law regarding one of her children she has girls who seem to be constantly squealing you know the one high pitched the ones where you feel like loosing control of your hand and punching the **** out of what is making that noise in your ear

her darling daughter did this to me not the last time but the time before i was down there right in my ear had a headache the whole four days i was down there felt sick and my ear was ringing for about 10 days after wards
when i was down there last time the same daughter came over and said she wanted to whisper a secret in my ear (she did this last time too) and i told i didnt want to know her secret and to leave my ear alone she waited until i was having a sip of tea then came over and blew really hard in my ear no damage done i know but its not the point i told her not too :mad:

later that evening her mam (my sister in law) had obviously seen what had happened and asked me about it i told her what happened and what happened last time and joking said how lucky she was not to get a punch in the face due to a reflex now she took it that i threatened her daughter which i didnt

long story short sister in law never liked me now she likes me even less im not too bothered but its starting to put a strain on my relationship with her brother (10 years together expecting first child) he keeps siding with her and saying how wrong i was...how do i handle this situation as i am now sick of her butting in and dictating how we should live our lives :mad::mad::mad:

blairbear

That was a joke that was in very, very poor taste. I don't think that punching a chid in the face could ever be discounted as a "reflex" and making a comment, however jokingly, that the little girl was "lucky" not to have been hit is completely inappropriate.

Kids will do stuff like that. The time in question when you told her off she just blew in your ear. If you've a problem with the child's discipline then you could handle it in a far more diplomatic manner. Even the way you describe your reaction here, that you felt like "punching the ****e" out of the child when she makes her squealing noise, is very aggressive in tone and I'm sure that attitude is translating in conversation with both your husband and sister-in-law.

Is there more to this though? How is she dictating how you live your life?

EDIT; In terms of how you should handle this situation, I think you should acknowledge that your comment was in poor taste, apologise, and try to spend less time around the little girl in future.

LegacyUser

you weren't in the wrong, the child sounds like a brat to be honest, mummy didn't like hearing that her darling daughters a brat, not much you can do really.

i am now sick of her butting in and dictating how we should live our lives

I wouldn't say another word against her, i'd bite my tounge, it'll only give her more ammo. but I think you need to sit down with your OH and tell him very clearly that you won't tolerate his sister meddling in your lives.

StillWaters

edellc wrote: »

... and joking said how lucky she <child> was not to get a punch in the face due to a reflex now she took it that i threatened her daughter which i didnt

That was a highly inappropriate thing to say, I think you owe your SIL an apology.

zxcvbnm1

blairbear wrote: »

That was a joke that was in very, very poor taste. I don't think that punching a chid in the face could ever be discounted as a "reflex" and making a comment, however jokingly, that the little girl was "lucky" not to have been hit is completey inappropriate.

Kids will do stuff like that. The time in question when you told her off she just blew in your ear. If you've a problem with the child's discipline then you could handle it in a far more diplomatic manner. Even the way you describe your reaction here, that you felt like "punching the ****e" out of the child when she makes her squealing noise, is very aggressive in tone and I'm sure that attitude is translating in conversation with both your husband and sister-in-law.

Is there more to this though? How is she dictating how you live your life?

EDIT; In terms of how you should handle this situation, I think you should acknowledge that your comment was in poor taste, apologise, and try to spend less time around the little girl in future.

+1.

Also - yo mention that when your niece blew in your ear it didn't hurt but wenty on to say how that wasn't the point in that the point was she was asked not to tell you the 'secret'
For crying out loud - here you are getting up on your high horse over principles with a child?
Bizarre.
i',m guessing teh child is obviously quite young also going by teh game she was playing.

Also - your sis in l;aw is dead right in my book. using that kind of language to teh mother of your niece is onlpy going to be interpreted in one way.

lastly -Your language and your tone also appears very aggressive generally - particularly that this post is in refgerence to a child (your own niece might i add !).

edellc

it was an aggressive post and for that i am sorry i would never condone hitting a child and would never do it either there is so much more to this story
im from dublin partner is from cork his sister has stated from the start of our relationship that i stole her brother from her and never seems to have gotten over it as we live in Dublin
any chance she gets she puts me down as im a jackeen and a waste of oxygen..i have put myself through college and worked hard all my life she is a sponger never worked never will pops kids out for a living as soon as i arrive the kids are fobbed off on me to mind while she gets drunk and smokes drugs they are let run wild and from the moment i arrive to the moment i leave i have the four of them hanging out of my neck i usually have a lot of patience but due to being pregnant maybe that patience is waning with them as i find carry my bump and four kids hard going especially when their not mine
her attitude got so bad i refused to go down to visit for going on five years we only really started again about two years ago as it was upsetting my otherhalf
she is fierce religious i am not and her thing is now that i have get my child christianed and if i dont she will wtf :eek:
just had enough at this stage of someone like her telling me how to live my life when i feel she needs to look in the mirror and unless she is perfect she has no right to judge

Ickle Magoo

I think whatever issues you have with your SIL should be kept between you and her. Getting OTT annoyed, aggressive or resentful of her young child/children is neither appropriate nor grown up and is only ever going to result in you being well and truly labelled the bad guy. I'm sure if your partner ever said you were lucky not to get a punch for doing something jokey then I can't imagine you would be amused, translate that to a small child who doesn't understand the complexities of adult relationships and it's even worse.

You have to sit your partner down and have a big long chat about what you feel and why and take it from there. If it means avoiding meetings or phone calls with the SIL then so be it. Calling her a sponger and saying she pops kids out for a living makes you sound bitter and immature. If you want to avoid any more arguments with your other-half then you have to grow a thicker skin and communicate better with him, what the SIL wants or says is neither here nor there.

Best of luck.

Taltos

Do you know OP - you are getting alot of grief here for an agressive response to an unruley child, but having numerous nephews and neices and being cursed with an almost perfect recall of my own childhood (remember being in a cot FGS) I can understand why you reacted the way you did.

In terms of the appropriateness of your response to the mother - yes it was aggressive - and yes it could have been phrased a lot better. I know though - that if I had done what this child had done my own mother would have beaten the living daylights out of me (it was a different age guys and I am glad they are gone). I am thinking however that since this wonderful mother did not react or scold her child how much of a part she had to play in the whole thing. i.e. Did the child pick up on the mothers dislike of you and know she could get away with blue murder?

I think you need to sit down with your OH once more and talk to him about things. Yes he has to support his family - but he needs to understand now that you are having his child and he now has a greater responsibility to you and his own offspring - not some spoilt niece.

I do think though that you should apologise to the mother for over-reacting. Stay calm - smile and explain that you were caught off guard by her behaviour. Do not excuse how her daughter reacted - but do not blame her or the mother...
Hopefully the mother will reciprocate and ensure that this behaviour does not occur again. However going forward try to limit your interactions with the mother and her sprogs. So when you do visit (which you should reduce) and she tosses the kids at you - be polite but firm and tell em to go back to their mummy... Also - just do not react to the children going forward, be polite but for the most part ignore them - they will soon get bored. In the short-term because of this fallout the niece will play up more - this is where your OH comes in - either he steps in and stops this by whatever means or else...

Beruthiel

edellc wrote: »

she has girls who seem to be constantly squealing you know the one high pitched the ones where you feel like loosing control of your hand and punching the **** out of what is making that noise in your ear

later that evening her mam (my sister in law) had obviously seen what had happened and asked me about it i told her what happened and what happened last time and joking said how lucky she was not to get a punch in the face due to a reflex now she took it that i threatened her daughter which i didnt

Honestly, the above two comments come across as very agressive.
Her daughters might be spoilt and allowed to get away with bad behaviour but there are much easier ways of dealing with it than telling their mother that you felt like punching them in the face.
No parent is going to take that from anyone. Certainly, no parent is going to see that comment as a 'joke'
You would have been better off saying that you had a very bad reaction to her screaming in your ear and would she please ask her daughter not to do it again.

how do i handle this situation as i am now sick of her butting in and dictating how we should live our lives :mad::mad::mad:

In what way is she dictating how you live your life?

btw
If someone annoyed me to the point she does you, I would very much limit the amount of time I spend with her.

Redpunto

If someone ever said, even jokingly, about physically attacking my children, at the very least there would be words spoken. Kids are kids and do silly things.

You have issues with your sis in law, deal with them and move on or avoid contact with her. Sometimes you have to say no and not visit the in laws just because they are related to you. Leave well enough alone, you have enough to be dealing with in keeping yourself and the bump happy.

Chinafoot

I think, given that you and her don't get along, your comment was out of order and you should apologise. My mam looks after my niece and she has said stuff along those lines but its said as a joke to my sister (and never in front of my niece) so no offence is taken (plus my sister knows how much hardwork my niece can be, the little psycho ), but tbh, if someone who wasn't family and wasn't a close friend of the family said it, offence would absolutely be taken.

edellc wrote: »

she is fierce religious i am not and her thing is now that i have get my child christianed and if i dont she will wtf :eek:

How you raise your child is none of her business and she can't get your child christianed. You should speak to your other half and tell him how she puts you down and the comments she makes (have specific examples though because if this is paranoia on your part he will, rightly, have no time for it) and how it makes you feel.

Perhaps a sit down with the three of you might help to clear the air and you can work out why there is such tension between you.