What is happiness anyway?

LegacyUser

I've no interest in getting into a relationship as I don't like the idea of sharing my life with somebody. i also get the impression that most people who settle down end up 'settling' - mainly because they get the sick of the whole rat race, would like a kid, want a companion etc. I enjoy my own company and am more than happy to spend time by myself and am happy doing this.

Nearly all my friends have settled down with a girlfriend at this stage and I get the feeling that they think I'm a loser. I spend most of my most free time on my own (Mainly reading and such stuff) - I go to football matches and I also go to the pub, this is where I socialise. I've been friends with these people for well over 15 years or so, but its annoying when I get told that I need a good woman, need to stop rambling (I've done a lot of travelling since college) etc. etc.

The fact is that I don't want to settle down, I don't want a serious relationship, I don't want to get a mortgage, have 2.3 kids and all the rest of it. I think my life is fine and don't need to change anything. Why does society feel I have to do all of these supposedly 'normal' things when I'm perfectly happy doing what I'm doing?

(I'm in my early 30s by the way)

LegacyUser

Well you're perfectly entitled to do what you want OP. People will always comment on someone different - I'm not a big drinker and you'd swear that was a crime. I've never been drunk and everyone spends their whole time commenting on that. Ironic, considering it's a lot more objectionable to be falling around plastered than it is to be sober and just enjoying yourself.

Anyway, the one I will say is something my Dad used to say to us as a joke...have you found anyone you like better than yourself yet?
You are entitled to do what you like, but at the same time as you grow older you get very set in your ways. And at some point it might occur to you that you're on your own, and have nobody to look after you if you really need it. If that's okay by you, then off you go that's fine. I'd imagine your friends keep telling you that you need to settle down, because maybe they see that they've done what you do, now they're doing something else and to them, it's so much better, that they think you don't know what you're missing. Again, if that's fine by you, off you go.

My advise is confusing, but if you're happy with what you're doing and you're happy that you could still be doing it at 40/50/60, then look, keep at it. But equally, your friends aren't just "settling"....they've realised that there's more to life than just suiting yourself all the time, and humans are essentially social creatures that rely on various different types of relationships. Maybe you just haven't got to that realisation yet. As I said, you need to find someone you like better than yourself, and you might find that you start to think a bit differently. That's all.

Ickle Magoo

I could have written that post before I met my husband so I wouldn't be so quick to assume everyone else is actively looking for anything - most people just fall into relationships and then love and the whole wedding, family shenanigans inevitably follow - not necessarily in the flush of youth either, my auntie just got married for the first time in her 50's...

Have your friends actually said you are a looser or are they just teasing you about not having a girlfriend? I know many happy bachelors and bachelorettes, if you are happy the way you are then next time someone makes a comment just take them to one side at some point and explain how happy you are and how annoying you find the comment. If you have been friends for 15+ yrs then making a request to cease with the "find a good woman" jokes should be easy.

Society doesn't expect you to do anything btw - it just so happens that the majority of society enjoys being in a relationship and at some stage doing the whole family thing...there is nothing wrong with not being in that majority nor being perfectly happy never to be in that majority. You do what makes you happy.

Best of luck!

Taltos

whateveryouthink wrote: »

and have nobody to look after you if you really need it.

This has got to be the most selfish reason to have a relationship or kids. Actually it is the exact line my father-in-law uses on us constantly as a way to pressure us to have kids.
Little does he know I have been snipped to ensure that mistake never happens. wheveryouthink - this is not a personal attack on you - but that line is just a trigger for me - sick to my back teeth of having it rammed down my throat every time I meet the in-laws - actually just one of the reasons we now avoid them like the plague.

Op - do whatever makes you happy. If you enjoy your own company then fantastic. I too used to enjoy spending time on my own reading and stuff. In fact I sometimes miss that life. If you do meet someone you are willing to share your life with - then fantastic - but I totally agree we should never ever just "settle". If you are going to be with someone - then be with someone who enriches your life - and you theirs.

Settle me ars*.

pollypocket10

annoyed and jaded wrote: »

I've no interest in getting into a relationship as I don't like the idea of sharing my life with somebody. i also get the impression that most people who settle down end up 'settling' - mainly because they get the sick of the whole rat race, would like a kid, want a companion etc. I enjoy my own company and am more than happy to spend time by myself and am happy doing this.

Nearly all my friends have settled down with a girlfriend at this stage and I get the feeling that they think I'm a loser. I spend most of my most free time on my own (Mainly reading and such stuff) - I go to football matches and I also go to the pub, this is where I socialise. I've been friends with these people for well over 15 years or so, but its annoying when I get told that I need a good woman, need to stop rambling (I've done a lot of travelling since college) etc. etc.

The fact is that I don't want to settle down, I don't want a serious relationship, I don't want to get a mortgage, have 2.3 kids and all the rest of it. I think my life is fine and don't need to change anything. Why does society feel I have to do all of these supposedly 'normal' things when I'm perfectly happy doing what I'm doing?

(I'm in my early 30s by the way)

My only real advice to you OP is not live your life by others standards and just do what makes you happy.

What I will say to you is you are being a bit hypocritical, you can't understand why your friends are suspect of your lifestyle choice but you are just as suspect of theirs.

Stu

Nothing wrong with choosing to be single OP. I know many couples but few who are truely happy. Some of my mates are going through the motions having been with their other half for 5 years or more and they are still only early 30's with kids and a big mortgage. Is that a life? Thats the life society expects us to live but when i listen to my mates moaning about their partners snoring, compulsive shopping, emotional meltdowns etc i just think, i wouldn't want your life.

I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than go through the motions with another human being just because i feel pressured into a situation where i settle for a relationship so i'm not seen to be different. As long as your happy OP and enjoying your life, if you do meet someone, it will be someone who you really have a connection with and if you don't meet someone you really hit it off with you'll still be living your life as you want it and on your terms.

mood

Stu wrote: »

Nothing wrong with choosing to be single OP. I know many couples but few who are truely happy. Some of my mates are going through the motions having been with their other half for 5 years or more and they are still only early 30's with kids and a big mortgage. Is that a life? Thats the life society expects us to live but when i listen to my mates moaning about their partners snoring, compulsive shopping, emotional meltdowns etc i just think, i wouldn't want your life.

I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than go through the motions with another human being just because i feel pressured into a situation where i settle for a relationship so i'm not seen to be different. As long as your happy OP and enjoying your life, if you do meet someone, it will be someone who you really have a connection with and if you don't meet someone you really hit it off with you'll still be living your life as you want it and on your terms.

I don't think it's fair or accurate to come to the conclusion that you friends are not happy and only with their partners (because you think that is what is expected) because they might complain about snoring etc. Just like to you are free to choose the life you want to live so are they. What makes you happy might not make them happy and visa versa.

seenitall

What is happiness?

Happiness is a by-product of a life well lived. This includes being at peace with yourself, with who you are and with all your life choices. It also includes having some meaningful relationships in your life, whatever form you want them to take.

Good luck with it.

Stu

Well, you only have to look at the amount of high profile relationships in the media that have broken up recently, many of which were considered to be rock solid. I don't think that people are meant to be with each other for life and some of my mates look like they need a break from their other half, probably an extended break . Most people just aren't that fantastic that you'd want to spend your life with them.

I can honestly say that the most of the happiest periods in my life have been when i've been single but i've had great times and genuine love and affection with previous partners as well but being single can have its advantages, it just depends how you look at it. Its just that most people feel like they are missing out if they are not in a relationship. I'd like to settle down eventually, but only if i meet the right person, someone i deeply care about, anything else is not worth the energy but in the meantime, like the OP, i just enjoy each day and am thankful that i have my health and am young and can do what i want when i want.

Nolanger

It's a natural chemical release in the brain.

Morphie

annoyed and jaded wrote: »

I've no interest in getting into a relationship as I don't like the idea of sharing my life with somebody. i also get the impression that most people who settle down end up 'settling' - mainly because they get the sick of the whole rat race, would like a kid, want a companion etc. I enjoy my own company and am more than happy to spend time by myself and am happy doing this.

Nearly all my friends have settled down with a girlfriend at this stage and I get the feeling that they think I'm a loser. I spend most of my most free time on my own (Mainly reading and such stuff) - I go to football matches and I also go to the pub, this is where I socialise. I've been friends with these people for well over 15 years or so, but its annoying when I get told that I need a good woman, need to stop rambling (I've done a lot of travelling since college) etc. etc.

The fact is that I don't want to settle down, I don't want a serious relationship, I don't want to get a mortgage, have 2.3 kids and all the rest of it. I think my life is fine and don't need to change anything. Why does society feel I have to do all of these supposedly 'normal' things when I'm perfectly happy doing what I'm doing?

(I'm in my early 30s by the way)

The nail that sticks out gets hammered. You're the nail that sticks out, since you have chosen a different style to life than most people do. That is why society does what it does to you.

However, we don't all fit in this world like sheep. Some people break away and think and live differently. If you are content with your life, then there is no reason to change it as you said. Just make sure you don't end up as a regretful 64 year old man living alone. If you can't imagine that, then you are set to continue living your life happily.