Afraid to cry

LegacyUser

Hi,

Don't what i'm looking for really just to vent or get some advice. Broke up with my bf about 7 weeks ago, didn't cry or get upset at all been going out with friends thinking I was fine. He stayed in my house a couple of weeks ago we had met for drinks and have been speaking on and off since, the last week he has been completely ignoring me and i'm sure he's seeing someone. I cried for the first time on Monday just a quick whinge, and I feel like this is only hitting me now. I've a physical pain in my chest and on the verge of tears the whole time. I'm afraid to let myself cry, don't know why.

Dudess

I was very similar - you should just do it. It feels awful at first - you feel like you're wallowing in a hole of self pity, but fup that, just let go and leave it out, and don't stop til you're finished. It does make you feel slightly better, even if just temporarily.

Stay strong - it's horrific, but it gets better...

LegacyUser

Thanks Dudess,

I just wasn't expecting to feel so bad. I think if I start crying i'll never stop and dont know if I can face up to the pain, sometimes it's easier to soldier on and not think about things.

Dudess

Soldiering on and not thinking too much is brilliant... but within reason. You have to let yourself grieve, have to let all the pain out, otherwise where will it go?

fungun

Crying is natural. It might not do anything but at times everyone does it and you usually fell better after it!
No need to feel its weak or anything to be embarrassed by.....in fact the more you deal with it properly, the stronger you will be

LegacyUser

Thanks guys,

I just don't know if I can deal with the pain of it all.

Kiera

Brokenhearted wrote: »

Thanks guys,

I just don't know if I can deal with the pain of it all.

It hurts now but you will get over the pain of it. Cutting contact and having a good aul cry will help. Also ring the girls and head out for walks/bbqs and the likes. It does get easier. I promise.

dublingal80

cry

seriously! you wont be able to hold it all in forever. I know it feels like you will never stop once you start, but i promise you you will stop and it will help

when my ex broke up with me i was literally numb and then i cried and cried and cried and cried. i still feel completely heart broken and if im alone i can feel my eyes well up but im feeling so much better about it all.

and i promise you will too

Taltos

You have to let this out.

The longer you hold it in the worse the pain will feel - and eventually you could end up running yourself physically into the ground. Let it all out - use it as your final goodbye to this guy.

It will get better - but only once you let it go.

m@cc@

Hi OP, crying is healthy and not only healthy but necessary. Just to quote Wiki:

William H. Frey II, a biochemist at the University of Minnesota, proposed that people feel "better" after crying, due to the elimination of hormones associated with stress, specifically adrenocorticotropic hormone.[8] This, paired with increased mucosal secretion during crying, could lead to a theory that crying is a mechanism developed in humans to dispose of this stress hormone when levels grow too high.

So basically it's a release of stress for what must be a traumatic time for you.

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

You have to let this out.

The longer you hold it in the worse the pain will feel - and eventually you could end up running yourself physically into the ground. Let it all out - use it as your final goodbye to this guy.

It will get better - but only once you let it go.

I don't know if I can say goodbye

Taltos

Brokenhearted wrote: »

I don't know if I can say goodbye

Don't force yourself - when the time is right and you are ready you will.
Just don't allow these emotions to build within you - it's definitely not healthy. Trust me - as someone who has gone through this (many of us have) - you really need to just let it out, once you do you can begin to feel better about things once more.

The longer you wait the harder it will be - and worst case it could just hit you at some random time - eg walking down the street, in you local store - anywhere. Nothing to be afraid of here - what you are feeling is totally normal and right now your body is telling you it needs to grieve - so listen to it, put some time aside just for yourself where you stand no risk of being disturbed and just let it all out.

Faith

Brokenhearted wrote: »

I don't know if I can say goodbye

I think you kind of do it in stages. For a long time, I cried at the thought that my relationship might be over (even though we'd definitely broken up). Then I cried at the thought that he might not want me back. Then I cried when he confirmed he didn't want me back. I think I'm still maybe waiting to really say goodbye. This has happened over 3 months. It's possible that if you start crying, you'll cry for hours, but it's therapeutic and very important for your recovery. Just set aside a few hours where no-one will disturb you and just start getting it out.

The floodgates might open, which feels overwhelming, but I think crying is the fastest way to get through it.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for your help,

I just don't like the idea of sitting on my own crying, with no one around to turn to and my best friends are in Oz.

I just wish I could go asleep and wake up in a week and I would feel normal again.

Micky Dolenz

OP, most people have been there, Crying is natures way of relieving stress and strain on the body and mind. I remember well the first time my heart was broken. Tears and uncontrollable anger were order of the day.

It's an old cliché but time heals all wounds, everyday that passes will see the pain ease. I promise, you'll be grand

LegacyUser

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

OP, most people have been there, Crying is natures way of relieving stress and strain on the body and mind. I remember well the first time my heart was broken. Tears and uncontrollable anger were order of the day.

It's an old cliché but time heals all wounds, everyday that passes will see the pain ease. I promise, you'll be grand

Thanks Micky I hope you're right i've never felt more devastated I can't eat, when I do I get sick I can't sleep its so hard.