First kiss

dublingal80

Im hoping to get my first kiss soon.... well my first kiss from a new person since me and my ex of 4 years broke up.

Im in the frame of mind where I wanna get it over and done with as soon as possible but im also at the stage where i know its gonna feel like im cheating on him, which is stupid

Should i just bite the bullet? What do you do

fungun

have you anyone in mind? Or just wanna have the first kiss with anyone to get over that bridge?

Either way Id go for it...the sooner you get back in the saddle and all that! But more realistically...I like having that "cheating" feeling out of the way before I meet someone new where I want to be just thinking about them, not an ex.

Cullen82

How does this relate to cheating & when did you break up?

I'm very curious about why you feel like this !

dublingal80

i think you misunderstood me

We have only broken up a few weeks ago, he dumped me, but I feel like the quicker i just get out there and kiss someone to get it over and done with, the better for me. I dont want to be pining after him and begging him to take me back still, because i know its not going to happen

but because we were together for 4 years and because its only been a few weeks since we broke up its gonna be really weird kissing someone thats not him, hence it feeling like cheating.

I just need to get back on the horse and ride my bike

Kimia

I disagree. Don't put any pressure on yourself. I wouldn't be running out to kiss the next guy you meet - why bother? You are going through an incredibly hard time at the moment and what you need to do is pamper yourself and heal. Having said that if you really believe it'll make you feel better, go for it, but if you're only doing it to 'get back up on the horse' I doubt it'll have the effect you want. It'll only make you feel miserable, so give yourself time and relax, don't rush into anything.

Micahelxcx

So you wanna get your first kiss over with?
What about the guy who kisses you?
Are you going to use him?

dublingal80

Micahelxcx wrote: »

So you wanna get your first kiss over with?
What about the guy who kisses you?
Are you going to use him?

no! its not about using people at all! im really being misunderstood in this thread.

If i meet a nice guy and he wants my number, id deffo be on for meeting him again. i dont use people

TeeHeeHee

Hi dublingal,
Myself and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up 3 weeks ago. I've kissed 2 people since then. I thought it would be really weird becuase I haven't kissed anyone else in the time we were together. It wasn't weird at all.
The only problem is, I get the impression that you think that by kissing somone else you will get over him? This isn't the case, well it wasn't for me anyway. While it didn't feel like cheating to me it still didn't really help me in the getting over him stakes. If anything, it kind of made me think of him more!
There's no rush, take time for yourself. You don't need to "get it over and done with" if it happens it happens. Don't make it a mission!!
It won't help you at all if you're just doing it because you think you should, ya know?

dublingal80

TeeHeeHee wrote: »

Hi dublingal,
Myself and my boyfriend of 3 years broke up 3 weeks ago. I've kissed 2 people since then. I thought it would be really weird becuase I haven't kissed anyone else in the time we were together. It wasn't weird at all.
The only problem is, I get the impression that you think that by kissing somone else you will get over him? This isn't the case, well it wasn't for me anyway. While it didn't feel like cheating to me it still didn't really help me in the getting over him stakes. If anything, it kind of made me think of him more!
There's no rush, take time for yourself. You don't need to "get it over and done with" if it happens it happens. Don't make it a mission!!
It won't help you at all if you're just doing it because you think you should, ya know?

thanks a million!
you make a lot of sense and you are completely right. I guess i just have to go out, have fun with friends and what happens happens

TeeHeeHee

dublingal80 wrote: »

thanks a million!
you make a lot of sense and you are completely right. I guess i just have to go out, have fun with friends and what happens happens

Exactly, go out and enjoy yourself, don't expect anything. The first night I went out with friends after the break up I met a guy. Wasn't looking to, it just happened. Kissed him and like I said, it wasn't weird.
I think though, if I had have been out looking for someone to kiss it would have been. If that makes any sense?

Just go with the flow, take your time and enjoy being single

dublingal80

makes perfect sense

I think my reason to have wanted to get out there and just kiss someone was to show myself and other people that i can get over him. he killed me with this breakup. completely heart broken. so i think i thought i had wanted to do it for myself so i could be like, ha, i dont need you, other men find me attractive blah blah blah

but ur right. when the time is right whether that be now or in a few months time, i'll meet someone nice that will give me a yummy peck

fungun

just dont refer to it to the guy as a 'yummy peck' or it'll never happen
Best of luck.

dublingal80

ah i know, im just messing
thanks again for your help

Sanjuro

It's perfectly normal to want to jump that first hurdle after breaking up with someone. Makes you feel you're not completely unlovable (if you're the dumpee), and confirms if you made the right or wrong decision (if you're the dumper)! I've been on both sides of the coin myself. The only thing I would say is don't just mooch the first person that comes along. Be picky and selfish. The only person you owe anything to at this stage is yourself.

dublingal80

thank you! and u are completely right.

Sanjuro

You're more than welcome!

Faith

Hey dublingal,

About a week after my break up, I met a guy and was chatting away to him for ages. But as soon as I thought something might happen, I nearly had a panic attack. In the end, it was 9 weeks after my break up that I first kissed (and slept with ) someone new (the same guy from the first night). The kissing was grand; it was enjoyable and not that weird. Like you, I just wanted to get it out of the way. But the sex was awful, just awful, in so so many different ways. While I was fine during and afterwards, I spent the whole next day in floods of tears, desperate to speak to my ex and get him back.

I don't think you should rush into anything. I don't think it helped me get over my ex any faster, and it did set me back for several days. Kissing might not be that bad, but do beware of sleeping with someone new too soon. The intimacy, the love, the satisfaction that you got with your ex will more than likely be missing, and that's really hard to take.

m@cc@

Micahelxcx wrote: »

So you wanna get your first kiss over with?
What about the guy who kisses you?
Are you going to use him?

What are you talking about? You do know that when you kiss someone, it's not a proposal of marriage? Kissing can mean everything and nothing depending on the people involved. Every night we kiss someone and never see them again, are we using them? Pfft!

OP, I'm in the same boat as you. My take on this is kissing someone won't mean a thing if you're not over your ex. I suspect if I went to kiss a girl at the moment I'd feel great at the time but wake up in the morning wrecked with guilt (justifiable or not).

dublingal80

Faith wrote: »

Hey dublingal,

About a week after my break up, I met a guy and was chatting away to him for ages. But as soon as I thought something might happen, I nearly had a panic attack. In the end, it was 9 weeks after my break up that I first kissed (and slept with ) someone new (the same guy from the first night). The kissing was grand; it was enjoyable and not that weird. Like you, I just wanted to get it out of the way. But the sex was awful, just awful, in so so many different ways. While I was fine during and afterwards, I spent the whole next day in floods of tears, desperate to speak to my ex and get him back.

I don't think you should rush into anything. I don't think it helped me get over my ex any faster, and it did set me back for several days. Kissing might not be that bad, but do beware of sleeping with someone new too soon. The intimacy, the love, the satisfaction that you got with your ex will more than likely be missing, and that's really hard to take.

thanks for the advice faith I think you are right and I'll just enjoy myself for now and what happens happens, ya know?
Im not even thinking of sleeping with anyone, and i wont for a while. I only sleep with people I properly like and if we are dating for a little bit so that wont be on the cards for a while.... how depressing!!! hehe

dublingal80

m@cc@ wrote: »

What are you talking about? You do know that when you kiss someone, it's not a proposal of marriage? Kissing can mean everything and nothing depending on the people involved. Every night we kiss someone and never see them again, are we using them? Pfft!

OP, I'm in the same boat as you. My take on this is kissing someone won't mean a thing if you're not over your ex. I suspect if I went to kiss a girl at the moment I'd feel great at the time but wake up in the morning wrecked with guilt (justifiable or not).

Thank you!!!

Yeah i think in my own little strange way I thought i wanted to kiss someone asap to help me get over my ex and also to hurt him, even though he wouldnt know. And as faith said when the opportunity to kiss someone comes up i know im gonna freak out! After my last ex, whenever a guy came near me in a club i actually felt physically sick heheheh. im a mess

but I think its probably best to just go out, have fun with my friends, dance the night away and just enjoy life

bellylint

hey DubGal,
All the advice here makes a lot of sense. I know though, a couple of months back when I was in the same boat, I would have agreed with all the advice here and still would have gone ahead and kissed the people that I kissed. Wouldnt call any of em mistakes at all and had some great fun, but I was still very much recovering from breaking up and wasnt really ready to be dealing with it. I would not change the way I did things though. They can be a welcome distraction. I kissed people due to attraction, a need for validation, bit of 'screw you' to the person who broke up with me and a couple of other reasons.
I know it hurt my ex, but in the end that just left me feeling very hollow. I at least try to focus on the more positive aspects of kissing wimmenz now at least . If and when you decide to kiss someone, I would imagine it will stir up the emotional honey pot a bit for you. Just dont get too distraught and thinking you are just regressing back down your path, you will have just tackled something that you havent had to deal with as part of your recovery from the break up. Every once in a while these things crop up, and its important to realise that you will deal with these residual emotions. You might feel like its a couple of steps back but when you manage to get a handle on these situations you will be better off for it.
Anyways if you do kiss someone or dont, you are completely doing the right thing by
"have fun with my friends, dance the night away and just enjoy life"
I, myself, wouldnt make any concrete decisions one way or the other about kissing people, you never know who you will meet and how you will feel in the moment.

either way, good luck n enjoy

G-Money

I've sort of been in this situation before and to be honest, I'm not sure what is the best thing to do. I've had differing opinions on this and I still can't make up my mind.

From my own point of view, when a relationship ends and one of the people hook up with someone else very soon after, my first reaction is that they must not have liked them as much as they said they did, despite anything they've said. That's just my own opinion.

At the same time I've been in the situation where I think it's best to just go straight after someone else. However this normally isn't because I'm really into this other person. Most of the time it's me trying to forget about the girl in question and I suppose there's an element of vengeance. I think that if I can hook up with another girl then it's kind of giving two fingers to the first girl and showing her that she didn't mean that much to me to begin with.

So it's hard to know what to do. I think most people fall into the camp of either not being that into the person to begin with, therefore have no qualms about going off with someone else. Or they're basically trying to convince themselves and others that they're "over them" and I find that's rarely the case.

I guess the best thing to do is just play it by ear and see what happens. Don't put expectations saying "I must snog/shag some guy by X date".

One feeling I hate is the one where you feel like you are cheating on someone, even though you're not going out with them and even if they've dumped you/said they're not interested. It's one of the most unfair feelings in the world. It happened me once before. I liked this one particular girl but nothing was going to happen and I was out and met this other girl and sure enough, the first girl popped into my head and I was feeling guilty, like I was cheating on her. Very unfair and a complete and utter head f**k.

dublingal80

thanks so much for your replies you guys and i comletely understand and agree with everything said. i adore my ex. if he called me tomorrow and said he wanted to work it out, id say yes in a second. but the thing is he wont. and i know he doesnt love me anymore, so to try and be strong and to try and come across that im not too upset by it to friends, even tho i am, im trying to act all tough and like i want to kiss someone
i really dont. cant imagine it but i want to to hurt him, even though he would never find out. its like, see, im doing ok without you and i dont need you. but i dont think i'll kiss anyone for a while

but im happy (ish)

BumbleB

Stay away from dem frogs.;)

dublingal80

deffo!! kissed a few in my time... ewwwwwwwwww

BumbleB

dublingal80 wrote: »

deffo!! kissed a few in my time... ewwwwwwwwww

dublingal80

no!! no
if they had a smiley face getting sick thats what id put here --->