friend or not?

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have been friends all my life with a girl who i thought was my best friend. We are in different places with our lives now, she is almost married with kids and i am single. I try and visit her when i can but she would never visit my house. I try and text her and keep in contact but recently when she lost weight i asked her how she did it as i was struggling she told me she just cut down and was eating nearly nothing, then i week later i found out she was on a milkshake diet and it seems everyone knows except me, even a friend who lives out of town. Why would she lie about this i tell her everythin. she said she felt bad for lying but never said anything until someone else let it slip. I just feel hurt and let down.

AnonoBoy

When people have kids their lives become all about them, at least for a while - it's very hard when you have young kids to make time to see all your friends.

With regard to the diet - is it that big a deal? Eating next to nothing and being on a milkshake diet seem like the same thing to me.

Redpunto

confused82 wrote: »

then i week later i found out she was on a milkshake diet and it seems everyone knows except me, even a friend who lives out of town. Why would she lie about this i tell her everythin. she said she felt bad for lying but never said anything until someone else let it slip. I just feel hurt and let down.

Seems like you're overreacting to this, why do you care what diet shes on? Seems a very trivial thing to be getting upset about, is this the only issue?

Denimgirl

I know what you mean it's not really about the crappy diet she was on,the fact is why would she lie to you over a stupid thing!I'll tell ye why! she did'nt want to tell you how it was done incase you lost weight too!pure bitchiness and jealousy! pure and simple!little things mean a lot,you now know who your true friends are and are not!

Whispered

Denimgirl wrote: »

!pure bitchiness and jealousy!

WOW that's some leap to make!

I'd imagine that as her best friend she didn't want to tell you in case you told her how bloody silly a milkshake diet is. I know that my closest friend would call me up on stupidity where other people would smile and nod. She probably realises that she's lost weight in a way that would usually be considered a bad way and didn't want you to point that out. To be honest, if I'm doing something which deep down I know might be silly, I might neglect to mention it to my best friend too, she'd only try to talk sense into me.

CDfm

I know its a petty little issue but it was important to you. Friendshios can be frail things and if one person does all the running well it is unequal.So its not really about the little thing of the milkshake is trust and you are questioning how well you know this person to tell your deep secrets too -like who you fancy oe sleep with..

I would say cool it with her not like firing her as a friend or anything like that-just find things to do with other friends.

Denimgirl

saying being on a milkshake diet is more healthy than saying I was nearly eating nothing!It is a silly little thing to lie about but coz the op was such good mates with her and shares everything with her so called mate why did she lie?I tell my girl mates a lot I do anything to help them if I can!

Whispered

Yes but to say that the friend is being bitchy and jealous and that the OP "knows who her friends are" is a big leap to make. Considering that the OP has been best friends with this girl for years, surely a small lie about a diet is not a deal breaker and does not mean the girl is not her friend.

I could be right in my thinking of why her friend did not tell her or you could be right and it could be jealousy. But I wouldn't make that call about a whole relationship based on one post.

Denimgirl

No I would'nt lose her as a friend completely but I would'nt class her as a true friend as I would be thinking if she lied about that stupid thing what else would she be lying over

LegacyUser

AnonoBoy wrote: »

When people have kids their lives become all about them, at least for a while - it's very hard when you have young kids to make time to see all your friends.

With regard to the diet - is it that big a deal? Eating next to nothing and being on a milkshake diet seem like the same thing to me.

I understand that kids become a priority and its hard to make time for everyone. And i guess its not the deal of been on the milkshake diet its the fact that she lied and then when she said she felt bad after lying why not text and tell me. Plus she said she didnt want everyone to know. i am not everyone. I thought we were best friends. I just always seem to be the last to know whats going on in her life. I found out that she had set her wedding date from her niece. So maybe i am over reacting but i feel hurt and wanted other peoples opinions.

Also as silly as it may sound i had thought she didnt tell me out of jealously.

CDfm

Forget about the kids - people aren't that kids obsessive. That said when people marry and have kids they dont live in their friends pockets anymore.

What is happening here is that you considered her a close friend and she isn't reciprocating for whatever reason. You probably feel taken for granted and slighted a bit. Your are a bit miffed.

Like does she call you for last minute babysitting or for help when she wants stuff ???

So 82 she probably does take you for granted and you don't like it. You know that if you say anything you probably will be called silly and childish. Now she may have been loosing weight after pregnancy or even to make herself feel attractive for her or even be planning or having an affair. Either way, she does not want you to know.

What you can do is change your own behavior and because you can see it ,it releases you from any obligation you feel to her. So your friendship has changed.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Forget about the kids - people aren't that kids obsessive. That said when people marry and have kids they dont live in their friends pockets anymore.

What is happening here is that you considered her a close friend and she isn't reciprocating for whatever reason. You probably feel taken for granted and slighted a bit. Your are a bit miffed.

Like does she call you for last minute babysitting or for help when she wants stuff ???

So 82 she probably does take you for granted and you don't like it. You know that if you say anything you probably will be called silly and childish. Now she may have been loosing weight after pregnancy or even to make herself feel attractive for her or even be planning or having an affair. Either way, she does not want you to know.

What you can do is change your own behavior and because you can see it ,it releases you from any obligation you feel to her. So your friendship has changed.

I had suspected our friendship had changed and even she admited that but doesnt seem bothered to try and change it. Yes, she does sometimes call or text at the last minute when she needs a sitter or something like that. I guess after 28 years i thought our friendship was worth saving. I guess its time to let go and accept that we're not the friends i thought we were

CDfm

confused82 wrote: »

I had suspected our friendship had changed and even she admited that but doesnt seem bothered to try and change it. Yes, she does sometimes call or text at the last minute when she needs a sitter or something like that. I guess after 28 years i thought our friendship was worth saving. I guess its time to let go and accept that we're not the friends i thought we were

You seem like a nice lady and you can remain friends but you get to decide how friendly you are.

So you are not friendly enough now for you to drop everything for that baby sitting emergency or to collect the kids cos she is going to be late or whatever.

You need to value yourself a little more and now that its the summer invest time in somethings or activities or events you normally would not do or attend -take a bit of a risk on other people.