unhappy

LegacyUser

hi all, not sure where to start so please bear with me

im a 29 year old woman and im finding life very difficult at the moment, i have a full time job which im very thankful for in the current climate, but am finding that the job is doing me no favours, im over an hours drive both to and from home but have to pay extra money for rent where im workin as the hours are quite long and i often have to work with only a few hours break before the next shift so the job doesnt often allow me to travel home, people would assume that my job is very good payin but its not and i have found myself in a lot of debt.
i injured myself in december of last year and have only just gone back to work, the cost of the injury via specialists and doctors nearly killed me, i am with vhi so it helped a bit. i dont know financially how im going to cope over the next year.

i also statred seeing a new man just before my injury, we work together and i knew him for quite some time before we statred going out and thought the world of him. when we are together on our own it can be good but when we wre working and sometimes outside work he can often make lewd comments to other women, i dont even want to go into details, but it makes me feel horrible. there are sometimes i wouldnt see him for a few days and i wouldnt even hear for him, yet when he feels like it he wants me to do things with him such as go on holidays and do things with his family and friends.

i have also noticed that on my legs i have very prominant veins which are hurting me it looks horrible and have made me feel very self conscious, my doctor has said they will turn into varicose veins and will possibly need an operation to get rid of them, i have a terrible fear of operations so i was wondering does anyone know of alternative routes i would be very grateful!!!

i have suffered abuse as a child and have also and still do suffer from an eating disorder, i just feel so unhappy in myself at the moment in my whole life that at times i feel like its just not worth it anymore, i dont even know what im asking but it just feels a bit better writing this down. thanks for reading

Piriz

hi OP,
i think if we all concentrate on all our problems at once we are all going to be unhappy. It seems this is exactly what you are doing. Perhaps if you are unhappy with certain things that you can change instead of focusing on the problem switch to focusing to the solution(s).
A career change or new job could potentially lift your spirits (yes the economic climate is dreadful at the moment but down the line its possible eh..just imagine when the time is right you will change and keep lookout for opportunities to do so in the mean time)
Your relationship should make you happy and if it doesn't maybe you should reconsider it...and again keep lookout for opportunities for a better one
Laser surgery could be an option for the veins issue...look it up!
You should definitely try to focus on some things take make you happy and take your mind off your problems....explore your interests...
So its fair to say you are dealing with alot...but focusing on them all at once is not going to help you...
Realise there are somethings you can potentially change, its in your power to do so.. Others will have to be accepted...find coping mechanisms for these...try to put things into perspective...if you are dealing with an eating disorder be proud of yourself for having the strength to control it...or have confidence in your future abilities to beat it. Think of people (compassionately) who are in much worse states than you are and it will help you be thankful for what you have!
sometimes when we feel like **** over things in our life it can allow us to reflect on our problems and strive for solutions...in a way it can be an important process and what seems quite negative can have positive outcomes..
keep the chin up, eyes open, be ready to change, be proud of who you are and optimistic of where you are going!

George Orwell 1982

Hi there. I have suffered from much the same self esteem problems for many years and have read up a bit about it.

Tony Bates is a clinical psychologist in St James hospital. He suffered from depression and gives good advice on coping with it. Here's the main points from a interview he gave to RTE: http://www.rte.ie/radio1/marianfinucane/1185304.html

Supportive relationships are key to building and maintaining self-esteem. Draw on the support of others where you can.

Try take small steps to building up self esteem and enjoyment in your life. Here's one: at the end of each day write down in a note book 5 things you are grateful for or that went well that day. They might only be small things like "it was a nice evening walking home from work" or "I got that assignment finished". This will help you to focus on some of the good things in your life. When you are depressed you automatically think everything is all bad and making a list of what is working well in your life will break this cycle.

Another tip is to reward yourself regularly. Once a week give yourself a small reward. Maybe its just buying a CD or a book or some fancy chocolate. This is like telling yourself "I am a good person and have done well and I deserve this". This can have a big effect on mood and self esteem.

Make a list of all your good qualities, positive attributes - as if you were making a profile on a dating website. Make a list of all the people that care about you.

Do things regularly that help you relax and de-stress. A hot bath can work for many people. Make time for yourself. Mindfulness is another good idea: http://www.mindfulnesstapes.com/

Be aware of how you relate to yourself. We tend to fall into a pattern of judging and condemning ourselves. "I should be doing this or that". "I'm not good enough compared to such and such people" etc. Learning to be kinder and gentler with yourself is important.

If you have an eating disorder then bodywhys might be helpful.

As for your varicose veins discuss this openly with your GP. Express all your concerns. In fact I think you should talk to your GP about everything that is going on in your life. Maybe a referral to a psychologist would be appropriate. If you could at all afford it it would be money well spent.

Good luck!

alibaba12

good post George Orwell! tks for the links