Should I contact her directly?

LegacyUser

Im looking for opinions from those around 20ish. Alot of you here seem to be around that age, so your replies would be appreciated.
I've an 8yr old son and Im 39. His dad and I split up when I was pregnant which was 9 yrs ago. At the time when we were together, his daughter was 10 and her and I had a good relationship.
My sons dad has never been involved in his life.
This girl is my sons half sister.
My son knows he has a half sister and asks me often about her - he knows her name etc.
So she's on facebook and she's now 20.
My question is would you be completely freaked if your dads ex girlfriend was to contact you..she knows about my son (her half brother) as she visited him in the hospital when he was born and was involved in the first few weeks of his life (when she was 10)...but I obviously have never heard from her since....advice?

Hank_Jones

Personally, I would say that you have nothing to lose by contacting her.
She has a chance to gain a brother.
Maybe she'll be glad of the chance of that.
I would be straightforward about why you are contacting her though.

LegacyUser

Yeah, I'd be straightforward alright.
I'm just aware that her dad (who she had a good relationship with) has bad-mouthed me over the years, to excuse himself for not taking responsibility for his son.
No doubt, I'm the baddie in her eyes.
So I'm just cautious how, or if, I'd approach her.

KillerKity

It'd be a different story if she didn't know about your son but as she does and is an adult I'd go for it. Don't tell your son in case things don't work out but if I was her I'd be greatful to get to know my brother. Good luck!

LegacyUser

She knows how to get in touch with me herself, if she wanted to see her half-brother.
I'm cautious that I don't want to rock the boat here (with her dad) - really don't want to drag up the past..but my son would like to meet her....

Ickle Magoo

I would contact her but I would make sure not to mention her dad or your relationship with him. Make sure you stress that your son is asking about her, wants to meet her/know her and you are contacting her purely on his behalf - that way even if you have been bad-mouthed, you are making it clear you are only there as the go-between two half-siblings and not to get back into her/your exes life yourself.

Best of luck

LegacyUser

I should have mentioned that I did try to contact her (through her aunt) about 3yrs ago when she would have been about 17. However, the reply I got was that she was 'very loyal' to her dad and would rather not be in touch with my son at that time....

I don't know what to do.
I'm afraid to approach her again in case she thinks I'm a stalker - and yet he asked about her again this morning and wonders when he can see her....funny enough, he hasn't yet asked to see his dad which is a whole other thread!!

Ickle Magoo

As long as the only motivation is what your son wants and passing that message on then I wouldn't worry about asking again, and again and again if needs be. There is a huge difference between how people feel as teenagers to how they feel as adults.

Hope it goes well!

LegacyUser

Ye, my only motivation is that my son gets to know her for his own sake. I'd obviously have to introduce them but would be happy to step back if the relationship takes off.....