She won't be expecting me??

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I met a girl on Friday night in a bar. She was a friend of a College friend of mine and we seemed to get on okay. I did not get her number and did not speak to her again that evening but I would like to ask her out still.

Do you guys think it okay for me to call her ( i can get the number from my friend )and ask her out ? Or would it be weird seeing as I had not talked to her much that night?

dublingal80

if you got on well go for it
life is to short to be wondering about these things

Kimia

Do it! She'll be impressed by your confidence!

LegacyUser

Would you not think it a bit random to get such a call though?? She is probably wondering why i didnt talk to her the rest of the night - the reason for which was that i was drunk and talking to anyone that would listen

Kimia

No I think she'd be flattered!

LegacyUser

Alright well thank you for the advice - One last question would it make any diff to wait until tomorrow to call her or should I do it tonight while she'd still remember me?? (not that she wont anyway but you know what I mean!

entropi

Actually I've done this before OP and yes, a woman is usually flattered by it because it shows you are interested in her outside of an alcohol fuelled scenario:)

Give her a call but tell her you got the number from <insert friend here> so she can be sure you're not some total randomer dialling some numbers and have at least a friend in common. Sure what harm can come to it, it's only a phonecall after all...if it works out then happy days and if not, then move on:)

shellyboo

FYI, OP, if you ask your friend to get the girl's number, the friend will most likely ask/tell the girl in advance of giving you the number. So, if you GET the number, it won't be unexpected. Go for it!

LegacyUser

To be honest I don't think she has told this girl that I have asked for her number...Suppose I will know when I call.

I'm not a fan of texting someone I've just met, Would prefer to actually ask face to face as feel its the way this sort of thing should be done but I wont be bumping into the girl anywhere and dont want to wait for a chance meeting .... calling is my only option

Ickle Magoo

Would you not be better off asking the friend to ask the girl if she minds the friend passing on the number to you? She might not be too impressed that someone she trusted with her number is just handing it out to guys whenever they request it...

m@cc@

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Would you not be better off asking the friend to ask the girl if she minds the friend passing on the number to you? She might not be too impressed that someone she trusted with her number is just handing it out to guys whenever they request it...

This is a better option, you're getting the best of both worlds. Politely asking the girl for her number and also having the buffer of a friend doing the work for you without you seeming like a wuss.

Steamer

I don't think a friend will give a number out unless they think you are an ok guy etc so if you get it go fot it. Friends will not just land another girl into a phone call she won't want and she wouldn't get your hopes up either if she thought you had no chance. Sounds positive.

You have probably made your decision by now anyway, so how did it go?

Hazys

Thats what my buddy did, now he's going out with the girl.

dublingal80

did ya do it??

Partizan

charmingguy123 wrote: »

Hi all,

I met a girl on Friday night in a bar. She was a friend of a College friend of mine and we seemed to get on okay. I did not get her number and did not speak to her again that evening but I would like to ask her out still.

Do you guys think it okay for me to call her ( i can get the number from my friend )and ask her out ? Or would it be weird seeing as I had not talked to her much that night?

Do it OP, no harm in it at all. Worked for me before

LegacyUser

Hey, Yeah I called her on Monday evening....she took the bait!

Although I'm not so sure she's really that pushed (a text she sent me later that night) so I don't think I'll be contacting her again (we did'nt arrange a night etc) and wait to see if she gets onto me / makes more of an effort or an effort at all.

I'm aware that this might seem a little strange me not wanting to follow this up but I was hoping for a better reaction than the one I got and felt as though I had done more than enough asking for her number and then calling.

Kimia

What did you say and then what did she say? Your post is too vague to answer properly!!!

ps FAIR PLAY to you! You see so many posts from guys dithering over what to do, should i call her shouldn't i call her so I am delighted that you had the courage and confidence in yourself to do it. Well done.

Now, tell me, exactly what was said?

LegacyUser

Alright then - I'm a user of boards by the way but going unreg.


Left a voicemail around 7pm on Monday - Very well put message I must say even though I had'nt considered "what if she does'nt answer" - I just felt feck this I'm leaving a voicemail at least it shows some balls.....along the lines of "Hi it's *Colin Farrell here, I'm a friend of **Kate Winslets and met you at the weekend. I hope you've recovered from the night out - The reason I'm calling is because I was sorry I did'nt get to talk to you for all that long the other night and I thought you seemed kinda fun...soooooo I was thinking it would be a good idea for you to come out with me either this weekend or next. Sure let me know what you're up to and call or text me back"

Response came very late that same night by text. Sorry Mr Farrell I was with people tonight and late getting back to you. I don't mind doing something but I'm busy for the next few weekends. I dunno maybe I could meet you mid-week or something, sure we'll see.Good night"

I texted back yeah that's fine sure I can call you again during next week to arrange something.

End of.

Now at first I thought that's grand we'll do it another time so etc etc but having got up this morning I thought hang on a second whats all this "I don't mind" "I'm busy for a few weekends" " "or something, sure we'll see" - without arranging anything......To tell you the truth I was half asleep texting back so I'm probably more annoyed I said i would call her again - Hindsight I should have said I'd leave it with her to let me know when she'd like to arrange something.

It took a bit of courage to get her number, make the call & leave a message.....Just felt the response was half arsed. Turns out she had agreed to pass me the phonenumber aswell.

I just did'nt GET the response, like she was'nt pushed.

I'm aware texts sometimes come across wrong but to text me that and only that I thought okay forget about it Colin and move on.....which i think I'll be doing now.

If she's keen maybe she'll have the same bottle to get in touch with me first ....but somehow i doubt it.

It's not often Ill ask someone out like that - I did think she seemed nice, attractive etc but the response was too wishy washy, whatever, see what happens.



*Not my real name
**not her real name

unattendedbag

Ah you're reading too much into it OP. If she really wasn't interested then she would have blown you off altogether, but since she suggested a midweek meet-up then to me it shows she's definately thinking about it.

Maybe she is busy for the next few weekends and unless you have some sort of proof that she's not then you have to take her word for it and not try to read betweene lines in a text message. Shecould have been acting laid back and easy-going while getting excited inside.

Give her a ringon a sunday evening or sunday night and try to arrange something for a midweek like she suggested, and this time ask her without leaving a voicemail so she can give you an answer there and then. If she brushes you off or says no, THEN you got your answer but make sure you follow it up. If she's worth it then she's worth it.

Kimia

I see where you're coming from, that's a fairly lukewarm response alright. What I would do is (because you said you'd call her) I would call her, if she doesn't answer leave a message, and basically say "Hey Kate, Colin here, just giving you a buzz to see if you're around this week to meet up - sure let me know when you're free" and toss it back into her court.

If she doesn't call you back or make some sort of effort after that, you can hold your hands up, be proud of the fact that you had the balls to give it a proper chance, and move on without any doubts.

LittleBook

That IS a good message, well done

The only thing I would have done differently is:

"I texted back yeah that's fine sure I can call you again during next week to arrange something."

should have been:

"I texted back yeah that's fine sure you can call me during next week to arrange something."

It's hard to guage if it's a lukewarm or shy response but you've done great so far, another little effort won't do any harm but really then SHE needs to do the work.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,

Littlebook thanks for the praise it means a lot, I'm a confident enough guy but god knows I still have to force myself to make these calls sometimes and stick my neck out there! Also as I said thats what Im probably most annoyed about - not leaving it in her court, It's what I would have done 99 times out of a hundred I just was'nt thinking.

Unattended Bag cheers aswell, I had been wondering if I was reading too much into it and I don't know maybe I am but if I am & if you're right about her being interested then will she not be scratching her head during the week when I don't call? I'm pretty good for swallowing my pride in all circumstances but my gut feeling already is that she'd making me work for her time.......I've learnt a lot over the years in terms of self respect and part of that is that I'm a good guy, I'm actually a lot of fun etc etc so women have to work for MY time aswell if they want to take any amount of hours out of my day-it was never just a case of me trying/begging to get the girl out sometime-she had to want it too.

Kimia Thank you too, I'll have a little think about what to do. I mean if I was to meet someone else at the weekend and exchange numbers I'd forget about it in a heartbeat until I was to hear from her out of the blue (which I don't expect). So in that sense I'm still thinking maybe you should just move on Colin Farrell there's a lot more women out there who'd appreciate the effort just a little bit more

LegacyUser

OP if she wasnt bothered she wouldnt have texted back

All you have to do now is call her again and say hi and organise that mid-week thing,
can either ask her out to dinner and one-two after drink (not getting pissed up mind)
or keep it casual do something like cinema

I'll get ripped for this but GENERALLY be it for social / historic reason tend not to be the ones to pursue and therefore she isnt likely to ring you to ask you to dinner/cinema - therefore that is the remit of the man and shows confidence.

If she & you enjoyed yourself you could always say at end of that 1st date now you'll have to organsie the next night for us

mood

wefwe22332 wrote: »

OP if she wasnt bothered she wouldnt have texted back

All you have to do now is call her again and say hi and organise that mid-week thing,
can either ask her out to dinner and one-two after drink (not getting pissed up mind)
or keep it casual do something like cinema

I'll get ripped for this but GENERALLY be it for social / historic reason tend not to be the ones to pursue and therefore she isnt likely to ring you to ask you to dinner/cinema - therefore that is the remit of the man and shows confidence.

If she & you enjoyed yourself you could always say at end of that 1st date now you'll have to organsie the next night for us

Not cinema. They didn't even talk for long when they meet. A drink sound ok.

seenitall

wefwe22332 wrote: »

OP if she wasnt bothered she wouldnt have texted back

Wrong. (I mean to say, you can't know that for sure.)

I always call or text people back, no matter if I am interested or not, it is just common curtesy.

That text of hers does sound pretty luke-warm, and has actually reminded me of something that happened to me just a week ago. I gave a guy my number, and we were arranging to meet by text on the weekend. But something about his texts started bothering me, like he was way too eager or something, and just very socially inept overall with the kind of things he was texting and saying, and that for me is a big turn-off. So I started answering in ever shorter, not-too-bothered texts to him (I couldn't just leave him hanging waiting for a text, but I didn't want to lead him on either), and I think they probably read something like that text of hers. He copped on that something was amiss, so he rang me, and I had to politely spell it out that I wasn't all that bothered to meet him. I don't believe there is any point in mincing words when it comes to these things, but I am never offensive or rude about it. The guy took it well, and I sighed a sigh of relief. Cos you see, as I had already told him I would meet him, I would have gone through with it if he had insisted, I just like to keep my word if I possibly can. Thankfully he was clued-in enough to understand the situation wasn't going anywhere.

Take from this what you will, OP. Just my very recent experience.

I hope that, one way or the other, it all works out for you.

LegacyUser

Wefwe22232 I believe I've already done the part of pursueing - I don't agree with you that it's down to the guy. In my own experience yes the guy will usually initiate but in this case I've done more than that without much feedback.

Seenitall - That's pretty much the way I have been looking at it.

Also keep in mind this girl had agreed to her friend giving me the number so it would seem a right bitch of a thing to do ....not text back. My initial thoughts when I got that text so late that night was well maybe she was pondering over what to say or whether she should get back to me at all......Then right at the last she sends this half arsed text and saying she was tired / off to sleep.


Listen, I was a little hopeful about meeting up with this girl but genuinely since that text reply I have'nt thought about it at all despite being curious to check this thread for comments. The reason i have'nt thought about it is because I deserve better than that, I genuinely believe I did more than enough in pursuing this girl.

Yeah she seems like a nice girl but thats about all I know so far and there's thousands more "nice girls" out there. I've a lot going for me, She's the one missing out - lets hope she contacts me

Seraphina

I'm just gonna say in defence of the girl, if it was late Monday, she might have been out or had a long day and just have been tired which is why she sounded vague or unenthusiastic. I'd echo the sentiments of give it one more call and then leave it be if she doesn't show more interest.

zxcvbnm1

Dude - I think you're making a mistake. Maybe she isn't crazy about you from that first meeting. Maybe her attitude is that you seemed ok and without being overly enthusiastic she perhaps reckoned a date might me worth a shot in a kind of "why not" manner.
So what's wrong with that?

Many people go on a date for that reason.
As a previous poster said due to her being the female,rightly or wrongly, in all likelihood she won't contact you.

Listen - she agreed for your friend to pass on the numbr and she also agreed to a mid- week date.
What more can she do? Maybe her text could have been less lukewarm, but so what. At the end of the day she doesn't know you from Adam !

I definitely say you should follow up. If she hoes on the date all well and good, and if not, wellso what. We have all been there.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
Last Christmas I was in a similar situation. I met a girl out one night who I took a big shine to. Anyway, I got her number, and just like you, I got some lukewarm responses to my initial efforts to contact her.

To cut a long story short, I persisted (without overdoing it!). It took me about 3 weeks to get her out on a proper date. I even posted up on this forum asking for advice at the time!

Anyway, as of today we are "official" for about 5 months now - and very much in love I did all the chasing at the start, she admits she wasn't sure about me at all back then. She was cynical about guys motives in general, so it took a bit of work on my part!

So my advice - if you liked her, persist. Try calling her again. If she makes it very clear she's not interested, then at least you know you tried!

LegacyUser

persist! wrote: »

She was cynical about guys motives in general, so it took a bit of work on my part!

I think lots of women are cynical of guys' motives by the time they reach their late twenties. This is why she would have had a 'we'll see what happens' tone to her text. God knows how many times she's been told 'yeah we should go out' only to never hear from the guy again!
If you don't organise a date, you'll just be another one in the long list of men who she's met who've said they'll ring/text/whatever, and in the end just didn't bother. It's a fact that men who don't ring/text are just not interested so she's hardly going to text or ring you only to be labelled a bunny boiler by you and your friends! (which may or may not happen in your circle, but this is the main reason women don't initiate contact with men)

It's up to you, but I think your stubborness is getting in the way of what could be something great. At this stage though (a week later), it might be too late to contact her because she'll think she's just an after-thought to you

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

I think lots of women are cynical of guys' motives by the time they reach their late twenties. This is why she would have had a 'we'll see what happens' tone to her text. God knows how many times she's been told 'yeah we should go out' only to never hear from the guy again!
If you don't organise a date, you'll just be another one in the long list of men who she's met who've said they'll ring/text/whatever, and in the end just didn't bother. It's a fact that men who don't ring/text are just not interested so she's hardly going to text or ring you only to be labelled a bunny boiler by you and your friends! (which may or may not happen in your circle, but this is the main reason women don't initiate contact with men)

It's up to you, but I think your stubborness is getting in the way of what could be something great. At this stage though (a week later), it might be too late to contact her because she'll think she's just an after-thought to you

Thanks for the post, Yeah maybe so....

We have texted since my last post - To my horror she actually initiated it so I'll eat my own words on that one. Although she was contacting me to say she was busy again for the midweek we had mentioned.....I'm fine with this - at least she was bothered to text, shows some interest in meeting sometime.

However on the couple of occasions we were texting since...she did'nt reply at all after a couple of messages. I know It was'nt anything to do with me not being interesting enough and the messages if you know what I mean required responding to..... so again I'm a little bemused by how shes dealing with the interest I've been showing.

I HAVE thought about what you just said there (unreg66521019), Do you really think my lack of follow up is me being stubborn (If anything, I would think it come across as too eagerto do much more than I have already)? I've made my intentions clear but there's very little to no interest being shown in return.....which would also be fine if we had something arranged but we don't and it's not for a lack of me trying....maybe she just was'nt that into me.

I'm not the sort to take things to heart, afraid of getting hurt/involved, I don't expect a date to want to meet me again, i don't expect anything on the date other than a good time, I've no alterior motives and I would be absolutely fine if she was to tell me she wasnt interested-these things happen ..............I just don't want to waste my time wondering about her or trying to arrange a date for so long and at the moment i can't make heads or tails or whether she is genuinely interested, if it's some sort of ego boost or if shes just a confused little soul who does'nt know what she wants!

LegacyUser

charmingguy123 wrote: »

We have texted since my last post - To my horror she actually initiated it so I'll eat my own words on that one. Although she was contacting me to say she was busy again for the midweek we had mentioned.....I'm fine with this - at least she was bothered to text, shows some interest in meeting sometime.

However on the couple of occasions we were texting since...she did'nt reply at all after a couple of messages. I know It was'nt anything to do with me not being interesting enough and the messages if you know what I mean required responding to..... so again I'm a little bemused by how shes dealing with the interest I've been showing.

If she initiated contact, she's definitely interested. I'd say the reason she isn't replying after a few texts is that she doesn't like having a conversation over text. Who does? It's a pain in the bum!
She really should have put another time out there for the two of you to meet seeing as she couldn't meet you on the last date you organised. Ring her and say that you'd like to meet up with her when she's free. Let her pick a time. At least that way, you're not doing all the organising and you're letting her know she really should have suggested another time when she couldn't go on the mid week date.

The ball will be in her court then. Stop having text conversations because they are really tiresome! Ring her if you want to talk. Other than that, just see what she does about organising a time to meet up.

In the meantime, keep your eyes open for other women! You owe this girl nothing.