hard to move out after break up, letting her down softly somehow

LegacyUser

I've been living together with my GF in a house for the guts of 3 years. Recently broke up but due to being very busy with college i couldnt get moving out, bad time ~I guess.

The reason behind the brake up (mutual before i seen shallow) pretty much came down to a lack of passion on her part. For a long time (1-2yrs maybe) and through various different excuses mainly to do with college he sex drive dwindled. I always hoped after college it would change but it hasn't and things havent gotten any better.

So awhile ago we were talking baout it and both agreed we'd become more friends than a couple and because of no change in the situation now is prob the best time to finish it. We are both still friends and sooner or later it was bound to end in tears or arguemant and finish it that way would not have been as nice.

I feel she's become a little more lovey dovey (fo lack of a better word) in the past week or so and I feel it's because she knows I'll be moving out sooner or later.

We both don't really want it but I think it's best for both of us. For the 3 years its always been the 2 of us, now that I'm single again things have changed for me, there are new opportunities for me out there, travelling, time for myself all that kinda stuff. Because of this I've grown to looking forward to new times. I personally don't think her problems are going to vanish overnight. She's kinda hoping we get back together down the line but I don't think I want that, I don't want to risk the same happening again, it's not healthy in a relationship.

I think that kinda covers it mostly. How do I go about dealign with this situation?

To confuse it even more, I've just been offered a few weeks work with an outlook of more down the line, reasons for her to want me to stay longer...

bloatedbelly

i think maybe try to just be honest with her and keep being honest. like tell her that you have been looking at houses to move into on daft and that kinda thing, and keep her updated, like you would with a friend as to how that is all going

you dont know what happens in the future. but the easiest way to get through this is to be honest. i know it will hurt to tell her all of this but the sooner she knows the better, instead of you up and leaving the house in a couple of days.

good luck

fungun

If you actually want to break up with her, do it and do it cleanly and clearly. Dont leave her with hope because it eases the blow, that just fcuks her up more long term.

I have tried to soften the blow for a couple of gfs in the past because tbh I would have said almost anything to a crying girl to make her feel better...but now I know better: In my experience what I have thought of as "letting her down gently" and trying to be "a nice guy" has in retrospect been a justification of me being afraid of her reaction to the blunt message that I wanted to break up with her. And this has never helped her.

So if you have decided you want to break up - communicate clearly and stop living together!!!

LegacyUser

We decided a few weeks ago, nearly in random conversation that a breakup would be the best thing as the way things were going we where just sharing a room and it wasn't really a proper relationship.

She's said from that time we should try having a break but I've always felt that if it's over then thats it. She's not just going to feel more passionate in the relation ship and have a sexual attraction to me (please tell me this is to be expected in a serious relationship?) in a few months. If we got back together again who's to say it wont happen again a few months or year down the line?

Other problem is I was supposed to move back home to the parents in the country. Just landed myself a few weeks work, possibly more if things go well. But this isn't enough for me to move into a house, I can't just leave that in a few weeks either.

Denimgirl

Things happen like this in all relationships and marriages,you think that everybody in relationships and marriages are "at it" all the time! i think it's a shame that coz the sex had dwindled in relationships that people bail out too quick! if it was more to it than that OK. relationships are hard work at the best of times and need to be worked at when these things happen, and yes if you'se did break up and move away there is a possibility both of you'se will realise what you'se had and miss eachother that could reignite some passion too.

m@cc@

mvehouse? wrote: »

Other problem is I was supposed to move back home to the parents in the country. Just landed myself a few weeks work, possibly more if things go well. But this isn't enough for me to move into a house, I can't just leave that in a few weeks either.

You've been advised to move out and get away. If you can't do that, then I'd suggest spending as little time in the house as possible until you're in a situation to move out.

LegacyUser

Denimgirl wrote: »

Things happen like this in all relationships and marriages,you think that everybody in relationships and marriages are "at it" all the time! i think it's a shame that coz the sex had dwindled in relationships that people bail out too quick! if it was more to it than that OK. relationships are hard work at the best of times and need to be worked at when these things happen, and yes if you'se did break up and move away there is a possibility both of you'se will realise what you'se had and miss eachother that could reignite some passion too.

I've been patient for quite a long time, it's been an on going thing now for a year and a half at the very least. She has said she's not attracted to me anymore but still loves me. There's self esteem issue's at play as well on her behalf, she's so unhappy about every aspect of her body and I think that has something to do with it.

I don't think couples are at it all the time but once a month wouldn't be to much or am I way of the mark there? Valentine's or birthdays shouldn't they be special? Fair enough there where other things at play then but we never made out after the occassion.

Luckily I may have found a place today, waiting for word back.

Denimgirl

Ah well then why she want you back if she says she's not attracted to you anymore?Maybe you'se need the time apart seperately for a while.Good Luck

Good Advice

mvehouse? wrote: »

I've been patient for quite a long time, it's been an on going thing now for a year and a half at the very least. She has said she's not attracted to me anymore but still loves me. There's self esteem issue's at play as well on her behalf, she's so unhappy about every aspect of her body and I think that has something to do with it.

I don't think couples are at it all the time but once a month wouldn't be to much or am I way of the mark there? Valentine's or birthdays shouldn't they be special? Fair enough there where other things at play then but we never made out after the occassion.

Luckily I may have found a place today, waiting for word back.

ummm at least once a month??:eek: hw often do u actually hav sex? u live tgethr it shud be at d vry least once a week n no excuse if u live tgethr....is dr any way u cud help her with her insecurities bou herself like tellin her u love her body etc..:)
its a real pity to break up but if ur unhappy do it...:(

Silverfish

Good advice, please do not use text speak in this forum.