I can't seem to keep friends....

LegacyUser

All my life I seem to keep losing the friends I make.

When I was in secondary school, I was very shy, concentrated on getting to college and not having any sort of social life mainly due to having no money and my parents were really strict on me going out. I was bullied about caring more about my education instead of the usual going out, getting drunk and boys. I hung out with a group of girls who were the top people in the class grades-wise and we generally talked about exams and subjects instead of talking about normal stuff like music, films and tv. When I finished secondary, all of us moved on as we were really only friends because we helped each other along in school. During secondary, I joined youth clubs and sports clubs to make friends and all the people I met there seemed to just want to do drugs and drink, so I decided to become involved with the group side of it instead.

I went to college studying a subject I loved, with people who wanted to be there and didn't look down on me over being excited about an academic subject. I became confident for the first time in my life and was able to get out of my shell to find the person I was. My first year I met up with a group of girls who went out every week and enjoyed the college lifestyle, while juggling college and working part-time.

At the end of the year, I got average exam results and I was disappointed in them, even though to others they were the best results in the world. So I decided I wanted to be among the best in the class instead of the most popular. I began hanging out with a group of quiet, shy people who studied like crazy but liked to enjoy some of the college lifestyle . I became the funny, sarcastic one who would try to lighten up the mood as they were so serious but I also put some hard work in to achieve the high grade I wanted.

Then out of nowhere, my parents separated. I took it hard but hid my feelings from my family as I wanted to be there for the younger kids and my parents needed a lot of support so I didn't want to burden them. I told my friends about what was going on and how I was feeling and they didn't say anything. I began getting serious about things and I think that scared them as I was always the funny one, who made a laugh out of everything. They began not inviting me to nights out, keeping secrets and stories from me as I couldn't keep up with all that was going on. I didn't know if it was to give me space to deal or that they were uncomfortable being around me. I began eating my feelings and soon lost my confidence I had gained as fast as I was gaining weight.

At the start of my final year, my friends all wanted us to do the same subjects, but I wanted to go down a different route after we graduated so I went off on my own and did half of the course in different subjects. They soon began to ignore me, avoid sitting with me, forget to invite me to things, wouldn't answer a question I needed help with and I pretty much began to hate them. When I finished my final exam, I didn't wait to say goodbye, I pretended I needed to rush off for something. I didn't go to my graduation as we had one the previous year and the only enjoyment would of been with my friends, who I was no longer in contact with (I was going to New York for a holiday around this time so I used this excuse to not go). We send each other birthday gifts and thank you texts all being civil, but other than that we have no contact. I always feel from the stuff the others seem to know, that they all tell each other anything I tell them. They all ended up going back to study the exact same thing in college.

I took the year to figure out what to do with myself. I discovered I didn't have any passion for business-side of my degree but actually teaching people so I'll be starting a postgrad in teaching in September. I'm working things out with my family and expressing my feelings more and am happier with myself. I'm starting losing some of the weight I gained and am becoming more open to people instead of hiding away due to shyness again.

At the moment I'm working in the same job I had during college. I really only have one friend who I work with. We go out to the cinema about once a month and see each most days for a chat and coffee, but other than that I seem to have no one else. I usually spend my day: sleep, breakfast, go for a long walk, go to work, chat with friend, come home. I've really been spending the last year catching up on shows I missed during the college years, reconnecting with relatives on Facebook, "meeting" a few nice people online who I talk about daily about random topics and generally trying to find something else to entertain me.

Everytime I put myself out there to make friends I'm afraid they will all end up with me being hurt and having no one.

bellylint

Hiya OP, I am sorry to hear that you are finding it tough to meet people. You have had experiences in the past that still cause you some discomfort today, but the important thing is that they are in the past. You have the opportunity to meet new people and give friendships a new life for you. Too often we can let the past overrule our current desires, out of fear of being hurt, or of being betrated. It is natural for your friends to change over time, post college was a big change for me (nope not a postman, just mean after college ). I am definitely not happy with every friend scenario that I have had, some I have let go and some have let me go. Hurts but overall I do have good and positive memories, and I am happy that I have taken the risk.
I would be careful with sarcasm is the only direct advice I would suggest. The humour tends to have a bit more bite to it, sometimes people will take offence even if it is not intended that way.
There was another thread about where to meet people, some of which mentioned a couple of websites for people who wanted to meet for friendship.

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055788694

By no means do I think there is anything wrong with yourself or that you will end up 'having no one', but you will have to take the plunge and put the effort in.