I think I need help

XxMCRxBabyxX

This is going to sound so teenage but here goes:

I don't know whats wrong with me these days.... I just feel like I'm falling apart.

Everything is getting to me and I'm still getting upset over trivial teenage things that happened over a year ago. I've survived Cancer and an alcoholic mother before I'd started 5th year but this is apparently where I fall.

My brother can't stand me, I'm never good enough for my parents and if I don't do well enough in my exams this year I've basically failed at everything.

I want to talk to my parents but they seem to be more concerned that I spend too much time going out (twice this week, turned down a third because I knew it would be a problem) and seeing my boyfriend. Apparently I have to stay at home and do housework as opposed to having a life. I'm 19 and just feel like I shouldn't have to deal with this. My life seemed to have a phase of going well and feeling good but now I just feel like I'm back to where I used to be when I was 15 and writing letters about how noone would attend my own funeral.

I don't want to go back there but what can I do. How do I make myself better?

I'm sorry about this post. i don't even know what i'm trying to say but I need to write this down. i'm terrified that I might be getting depression and i really don't need thta. I have enough to cope with.

I'm just looking for help or advice or anything?

Firetrap

If things are getting on top of you like that, I think you should go talk to someone. I'm assuming from your location on your avatar that you're attending NUI Maynooth and that it's quite likely they have a counselling service available for students. You've got a lot on your plate and it does help to talk to someone who isn't biased one way or the other. If not, talk to your GP. Don't let this get on top of you.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Firetrap wrote: »

If things are getting on top of you like that, I think you should go talk to someone. I'm assuming from your location on your avatar that you're attending NUI Maynooth and that it's quite likely they have a counselling service available for students. You've got a lot on your plate and it does help to talk to someone who isn't biased one way or the other. If not, talk to your GP. Don't let this get on top of you.

Thanks.

Problem is I can't do that over the summer. I won't be up at the college and to get to the GP or a counsellor here would involve asking my parents which would lead to me "using" them for the lift or money. It's a vicious circle that I can't get out of.

I want to talk to someone but I won't let myself unload on a person, it's not fair on the,m and then I'll feel worse for putting it on them.

Denimgirl

I'm sorry your going through this,I think things like this happens in everybodys life at sometime or another, i call it the "sh*t phase" life is going great then they have low points then everything is good again and thats the truth and thats what you must think like,things are a bit **** right now but it won't last forever because nothing ever does!think about the positives in your life,sounds like you have a lot of friends and a good social life going on! you have a boyfriend a i'm sure a whole lot more of good things when you think of it.I am just coming out of my "**** phase" at the moment after a few months of upheavel in my life!so believe me think of the positives!xxx

XxMCRxBabyxX

Denimgirl wrote: »

I'm sorry your going through this,I think things like this happens in everybodys life at sometime or another, i call it the "sh*t phase" life is going great then they have low points then everything is good again and thats the truth and thats what you must think like,things are a bit **** right now but it won't last forever because nothing ever does!think about the positives in your life,sounds like you have a lot of friends and a good social life going on! you have a boyfriend a i'm sure a whole lot more of good things when you think of it.I am just coming out of my "**** phase" at the moment after a few months of upheavel in my life!so believe me think of the positives!xxx

I just thought mine was over you know?

There are good things in my life and after everything I've been through especially the cancer I always tried to stay positive but lately it's failing.

Even when it comes to my friends I have so many doubts in my head about how they see me. The only thing I can rely on is my boyfriend. i don't know where i would be without him.

Miss Fluff

I just read your blog. You have been chosen as a research assistant in your chosen field and have so much to look forward to! And so much going for you! You absolutely have to focus on the positives. You are starting this venture on Tuesday so why not focus on that rather than letting your folks annoy you. Seems like you are all under each other's feet at the moment because you are used to attending college so I am sure once you are back there you will find it a little easier. And perhaps for next summer, plan your time better so that you have a job/accommodation lined up and you no longer have to live at home.

Denimgirl

I would'nt say failing it sounds like your probably exhausted of being too strong for too long which burns you out!sounds like you've have been through a lot in the past and it takes a lot of energy to ride the wave of all that! recharge your batteries pamper yourself don't be worrying what people think of you,I doubt your mates see you in a bad light just on your posts you sound like a nice sensitive girl.Your 19, a great age! you can do so much with your life, speak with your GP if you feel it's getting bad, walking though i find great and helps with stress.xxx