Girl pregnant, but not mine

LegacyUser

Going anon here and don't want to give out too much info on the subject, I'll try include most important bits.

I had a relationship with this girl from the past for 4 months and we split. She was with someone else for 6 months. They broke up 3 months ago. We have since got back together again 1 month ago. We've known each other for years and despite the short time period we are together we are very close.

However it seems despite the previous relationship ending badly (the guy is a true nasty piece of work) just 2 months ago they had sex in a one off moment when she was vulnerable. I wouldn't mind this except we've just found out she is pregnant by him from this moment.

My first reaction was to say that i'll stick by her during this period. But since that initial shock passed and i thought about things i realised what i was letting myself in for possibly down the line. I'd be with a girl that i would have to watch grow a child inside that was not mine. Then theres the complications you might expect when the father discovers what is going on and wants to be involved with the baby, as is his right.

I don't know what i'm looking for here, maybe someone who shared the same experience. Or just to hear opinion on whether I'm either to be admired for being willing to go through this or if i'm a total idiot for staying involved. My gut and heart tell me to stick with it. My head seems to think otherwise.

zxcvbnm1

ok -personally speaking i'd jump ship. But that's just me.
My logic being there are plenty of other fish in teh sea - i would be bringing in a lot of complications int my ife by continuing to go out with this girl.

If you do break up with her you will get over her and will pobably evenually meet someone else at which point you will probably count ylour lucky stars that your life is not as complicated as it could be.

To be honest though, it's very much a decision only you camn make depending on how much you like this girl.
But ya - personally i'd get out of it.

fungun

tough call and really this depends on how strongly you feel about her and your future so advice isnt really worth that much.

My thoughts would be that within the last year you and her split up (why?) and unless you were in bits then, then it might be good to go back to that situation and move on. Obviously the pregnancy poses difficulties so you would want to have a very strong reln before even thinking of taking this on....and the fact that you split up within the last year without this in the equation makes me feel it might be best to split up at this stage.

LegacyUser

has your gf told the daddy?

do you care: you would have to raise a child of not your own or

you would have to face the harassment of the dad?

if it's the first, let this girl go.

if it's the second, have a mature talk with the dad and set boundaries etc.

talk with your gf also whether she really has no feelings toward the dad of her child.

why did you guy get back together? because she cant find someone who treats her like you do? or she realises her love to you?

---

most of the time, i go with my heart and gut for decisions.

the head is to tell you what probably coming ahead if you dont handle well, it's a warning to you and ask you think thoroughly to tackle the situation, that's it.

listen to you head, go with your heart.

LighterGuy

Op want the best advice you'll ever hear?

Take a look at the siuation. But look as it were someone else:
Guy broke up with a girl he was only with for 4 months .... she dates a man for 6 months after this ... she breaks up with him. Gets back with previous guy. Turns out she got pregnant by "6 month guy" - Now the previous boyfriend is going to stand by her and raise a child thats not his... Clearly ignoring the red flags: its not his kid and that the original relationship only lasted 4 months.

You would call that guy a sucker.



Listen, you sound like a nice guy. Within hearing she was pregnant you said you'd stick by her. Now obviously you're re-thinking that. Get the hell outta there! ... if you continue with her you will be a sucker.
You girlfriend might be a good girl but trust me now that the kids daddy wont be in the picture as much as she is away from him she will use you as a stand in. As she wont want to be alone.


run.

rustynutz

LighterGuy wrote: »

Op want the best advice you'll ever hear?

Take a look at the siuation. But look as it were someone else:
Guy broke up with a girl he was only with for 4 months .... she dates a man for 6 months after this ... she breaks up with him. Gets back with previous guy. Turns out she got pregnant by "6 month guy" - Now the previous boyfriend is going to stand by her and raise a child thats not his... Clearly ignoring the red flags: its not his kid and that the original relationship only lasted 4 months.

You would call that guy a sucker.



Listen, you sound like a nice guy. Within hearing she was pregnant you said you'd stick by her. Now obviously you're re-thinking that. Get the hell outta there! ... if you continue with her you will be a sucker.
You girlfriend might be a good girl but trust me now that the kids daddy wont be in the picture as much as she is away from him she will use you as a stand in. As she wont want to be alone.


run.

Have to agree, way too complicated. My partner just had a baby (mine, well he looks like me anyway:)) and it's bloody hard work(but rewarding) so I can imagine what it would be like if I had no bio connection with him. I had a LTR for 7 years with a girl who had a kid from a previous relationship and there is nothing easy about it, especially if the kids father is a pr#ck, you and your partner will have constant dealings with this guy until the kid turns 18 and beyond. Think long and hard about this one.

Kidchameleon

you were only with her for four months, not really a great foundation. before you proceed you would both need to be sure that the relationship will last... do you really love this girl with all your heart? can you stick with her through all the tough times? there will be tough times...

remember that you can walk away with your head held high. there's not contract saying you have to stick with her. people will understand if you break up with her under these circumstances.

you sound like a nice guy so the best of luck,

Kid.

Denimgirl

It's very wellyou lads saying run a mile he knows the girl years!life is'nt perfect and either are relationships if she had a kid when you met her would you still love her and have a relationship with her? I don't think it's really big deal as long as the girl is genuine and true to you and does'nt get back with the father of the child when the kid is born coz he could suggest this to her when he sees his baby! so i would be careful like that coz you could also be the one on your own if teh 2 of them hook back up they have a bond together now and if she was having one off sex with him after it was finished she could still have feelings for him he did'nt seem to be "that nasty" when she went back and had sex with him again,just be careful you do sound like a nice bloke. I think you should speak with her about these things.Good Luck

Miss Fluff

someoneelses wrote: »

My first reaction was to say that i'll stick by her during this period. But since that initial shock passed and i thought about things i realised what i was letting myself in for possibly down the line.

Exactly, that was your first reaction. And it was your first reaction because you sound like a fundamentally decent person. But now you have had time to give it some thought and the cold harsh reality of what you are contemplating is beginning to creep in, you are having your doubts. Well-founded doubts too it would seem.....

You are with this girl one month. That is four weeks. You were also with her before for 4 months which for one reason or another did not work out and you broke up. And in my experience, couples who break up so early in a relationship (in the height of the honeymoon, chandelier-shaking, pupil gazing phase) rarely have any hope of lasting the course. I wouldn't hold out much hope of the relationship having legs.

If you commit to staying with the girl then you need to give it serious thought. Really serious thought. Because if you decide in a couple of years time that it is too much of a responsibility and that you resent bringing up another man's child, you're not just walking out on her, but walking out on a baby also.

So while you sound like a decent person, don't stay with this girl because you think she is a good girl and you would feel it's sh1tty not to. Your reasons need to go so much further than that because the consequences of your actions go so much further than you can contemplate.

By the same token, if you have given this serious thought, have stared the proposition in the face and realised what a struggle it is going to be but are willing to commit to this girl and to the baby, then fair play to you.

You need to really give yourself the chance to think this through thoroughly though and you obviously are if you are posting here. Either way, I wish you well.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here. Thanks for everyone's input. I'm home alone for the evening here. Going to put some serious thought into the whole situation and follow up with the girl in question tomorrow. Thanks again.

kjl

OP your dreaming, you have been with the girl a total of 5 months and inbetween you relationship she has gone off with someone else.

Make like a tree and get the hell out of there. The only reason she is with you now is because she sees you as dependable. She doesn't share your feeling and is only using you. The sooner you realise that the better.

LegacyUser

kjl wrote: »

The only reason she is with you now is because she sees you as dependable. She doesn't share your feeling and is only using you. The sooner you realise that the better.

Don't listen to this. It's bitterness talking. Only you can know if she's dependable or not. And only you know if you can bring up another man's child with all it entails. You sound like a decent sort, and your girlfriend is very lucky that you're even considering bringing up the child. Good luck with whatever you decide

Bottle_of_Smoke

I think if it were me I'd be there as a friend but not a father replacement or boyfriend

sara-lou

It is a very long tough road, i think that if your woman really cares about you she will def understand if you don't want to be involved. She has to take responsibility here. You want to do the noble thing but its not something you can really decide in one eve?? I think you should sit down and talk with her and decide over next few wks. It is a massive decision!

Wibbs

Step back, walk away and consider your reasons why. Too much complication and a smell of BS hanging around IMHO.

*EDIT* walk away.