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He works, I work, we fall apart

  • 13-06-2010 4:24pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi, my boyfriend is addicted to his job. I hate my job, I can't relate to anyone and so just get on with it as best I can. I work to get the money I need for my loans and for living. I don't make enough to go out, I'm usually left with 20euro for extras, like socks or other important things. I don't live at all expensively, I've been paying the bank for student finances (fees mostly).

    When he comes home from work he's so shaken and head is wrecked. He wakes up angry or grumpy, and leaves on short fuse. I don't take my job seriously, I think of college. His career is his career, I understand. On his days off he doesn't want to communicate, he snaps at me when I try make efforts to talk to him seriously. He goes to work on his days off sometimes. We can't afford holidays, we just about make rent.

    We have good days, when he's drinking. He's depressed and won't admit it. His parents call us for rent money a lot so we've no choice but to send whatever extra we have because his dad's sick and on machines and his mum's job is part time in a cafe because she has to look after his dad. My parents are well to do but I can't ask for money from them.

    I can't save myself from being upset. My brains feel burned out. I feel like he and I are just living. I know he's sad, but I can't help him.


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi there,

    This may sound painful but is your boyfriend an alcoholic, because you write that there are good then, but only when he's drinking? If that's the case it needs to be tackled.

    Also, sad as his fathers situation is, is not up to you guys to support them financially, it sounds like you need the money badly enough yourselfs. Isn't there anywhere his parents can go for additional financial support?

    Why's your boyfriend so shaken when he comes home, that doesn't sound good at all tbh! Being grumpy, okay that can happen, but taking it out of you is not good.

    I think you guys really need to start talking in regards to giving money to his parents and how much he is working and other stuff.

    Best of luck OP


  • #3
    C.D.
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 670 ✭✭✭C.D.


    notgood wrote: »
    Also, sad as his fathers situation is, is not up to you guys to support them financially, it sounds like you need the money badly enough yourselfs.

    What sort of person could be so heartless? Ok, sounds like the OP has it tough, but being on a dialysis/ventilator machine (or any other type!) is in a whole different league. Assuming that your parents didn't abuse/neglect you, they raised you and provided for you in sickness and health- it would be extremely heartless to clutch to money when they so desperately need it.

    However I can understand if the OP does not want to contribute directly as they are not her parents. IMO, it is crazy to expect the son not contribute and if the OP does help, she should know that the world needs more people like her who are willing to be selfless.

    OP, coming from someone who battled for years with (and overcame!) depression, being there for him could be enough. For me, having someone there who cared through thick or thin made a world of difference even if I did not realise it at the time.


  • #4
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    C.D. wrote: »
    What sort of person could be so heartless? Ok, sounds like the OP has it tough, but being on a dialysis/ventilator machine (or any other type!) is in a whole different league. Assuming that your parents didn't abuse/neglect you, they raised you and provided for you in sickness and health- it would be extremely heartless to clutch to money when they so desperately need it. QUOTE]

    It´s not about being heartless. Parents choose(in most cases) to have childeren and accept the financial responsibility that comes with that, not the other way around. If the OP barely has enough money to manage her own household, she can´t be expected to pay for sick inlaws, however kind that may be. There should be other organizations out there that can help with this. Also, if I understand the OP correctly it is putting a strain on the relationship with her boyfriend. If they want to give money, it should be what they can afford to give, not what the OP´s other half need, it simply isn´t fair on them, although I understand that both parties are in a difficult situation.


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