Lads question for ya - the 3 words

blahblah06

Ok guys question for you all. I'm getting serious grief from my other half because I don't say "I love you".

I've explained I'll say it when I truely mean it deep down but other then that there just words.

I'm also not fond on kissing but think that maybe just me. I give the usual kiss goodbye etc but French kissing no thanks.

Am I weird or is there other lads out there.

Worse thing is im working 7 night a week and said I'd cut down to 6 & do extra hours the other days and this was not acceptable. Reason I offered this was cause I was told we have no social life.

Head wrecked blah

ManOfMystery

If I didn't know better I'd think this was a wind up.

You won't tell your girlfriend you love her, you're not fond of kissing her and you work almost every night so you don't get out a lot as a couple ..................... and your head is wrecked? No wonder the poor girl is giving out. She must be wondering if you want to be with her at all.

blahblah06

No it's not a wind up. I work 7 days a week to pay a mortgage on my own home so has to be done.

I'd love nothing more then to take a night or 2 off to go out or go for a cycle or wateva. I'm not a drinker so don't go near pubs

I was stung before so think that's y the kissing n love thing is tough for me to do

ManOfMystery

Well that's fair enough, but why describe her as a head wrecker? She's only looking for affection and to spend time with you - that's normal when someone cares about you.

How do you actually feel about her? Do you have feelings for her? From your post above she sounds more like an annoyance than your partner.

TitoPuente

blahblah06 wrote: »

I was stung before so think that's y the kissing n love thing is tough for me to do

Baggage from a previous relationship isn't really an excuse for emotionally abusing someone.

krudler

blahblah06 wrote: »

Ok guys question for you all. I'm getting serious grief from my other half because I don't say "I love you".

I've explained I'll say it when I truely mean it deep down but other then that there just words.

I'm also not fond on kissing but think that maybe just me. I give the usual kiss goodbye etc but French kissing no thanks.

Am I weird or is there other lads out there.

Worse thing is im working 7 night a week and said I'd cut down to 6 & do extra hours the other days and this was not acceptable. Reason I offered this was cause I was told we have no social life.

Head wrecked blah

Imagine how she feels, you're the one with the abnormality here not her. the vast,overwhelming majority, you're talking 99.999999% of people enjoy kissing and showing affection to their partner. she'd with someone who isnt giving her what she wants from a relationship. I couldnt imagine being with someone and not kissing them, I'm with my missus 3 years almost and I still get the flutters when we have a nice long passionate kiss.

blahblah06

I suppose my heads wrecked from
the pressure I have on my shoulders.

I try to meet her half way but everything gets thrown back at me no matter what I suggest.

I'm not emotionally abusing anyone.

As I said she gets kisses good bye etc.

I've asked her numerous of times to try get a better job etc but she's to lazy to look.

That's y my head is wrecked when I'm supposed to give everything and get nothing.

How can I be expected to say I love you when she won't make the effort to make my life easier.

TitoPuente

Okay fair enough - you're not emotionally abusing her. Although I would suggest that, because of your different attitudes towards intimacy and approach to relationships, you should sit down, talk and be honest with each other as to whether you're going to work or not.

blahblah06

Hi Tito

ye I think I'll be doing that later on.

I've told her before my logic behind having to work so hard and in 1-2 years time we will be happy be able to afford the mortgage n start a family.

I'm 25 she is the girl for me but she can't just accept me for who I am right now and that's what worries me.

Like I cud drop to 5 days have no savings just scrape through and I know we will still be unhappy

dedrizzle

hi blahblah06,
So as far as I've gathered, some of the issues ye have are to do with work and pressures etc, but regarding the kissing thing, I'd advise you to think about that carefully..
If ye were to break up and you were to find someone else, I can pretty much guarantee that she'd want some kissin in d relationship too, so why not just work on it now for the girl your with..
Remember also that though someone mite not mean to, when they feel ignored by a partner they mite end up fancying someone else..and thats not good..
If u genuinely don't really like kissing, then you should maybe try to work on why you don't like it.. I mean you don't want to have to kiss your girlfriend, all the while hating it either.. I can't imagine why you don't like it.. I havn't had a kiss for ages and I'd love one, I'd say thats how ur girlfriends feelin too, so maybe think of something nice she did for you and then surprise her with a nice kiss..

StillWaters

blahblah06 wrote: »

As I said she gets kisses good bye etc.

Maybe she is like most females, and wants kisses, just for kisses sake. Most people enjoy kissing the person they are with OP.

blahblah06 wrote: »

I've asked her numerous of times to try get a better job etc but she's to lazy to look.

maybe she is perfectly happy in her job, and values work/life balance.

blahblah06 wrote: »

How can I be expected to say I love you when she won't make the effort to make my life easier.

You say I love you when you love someone, not as a reward for making your life easier.

Have you considered that you may be on the autism spectrum? I would not dream of making a diagnosis online (and am not qualified to do so), but you seem to have real problems with intimacy, and that is what springs to mind.

Supercell

So to sumarize, your girlfriend would like you to kiss her more but you dont have the time?

Op, seriously, are you gay?

blahblah06

LoL supercell no that's not a summary of my problem and no I'm not gay lmfao!

I didn't say I hadn't the time read the bloody thread.

Hi d ye were going to work on y I don't like it. It's the exact way I've been thinking what you said about only kissing because I have to. It's the same as saying I love you I only wanna do these things when it's meaningfull for me.

Hi still waters,
regarding the work issue ye I'd accept she happy in work but y should I have to work so hard/much ain't a relationship about helping each other and compromising?

Saying I love you is not a reward for making my life easier it's a return gesture for appreciating what I'm doing for both of us and helping me with other issues in the relationship.

I'm not doing this to make her do things to get me to say the 3 words I'd just like to feel truely loved n love before I say it. Is that so wrong?

Dark Artist

Do you two have sex? I'm asking this as a serious question, since you really don't like french kissing.

blahblah06

we sure do

shellyboo

Does she "get" kisses during sex? I'm really not sure I could be in a relationship where kisses were rationed


As for saying I love you, say it when you mean it, sure. But when you mean it shouldn't have anything to do with how hard you work in comparison to her. Either you love her or you don't - your job has nothing to do with that, and I don't see how it's even vaguely relevant.

It seems you resent her for giving out to you for working so much, but won't work more herself to even it out. If that's the case, chances of you falling in love with her are quite slim. She doesn't prioritise work the same way you do, that's something you're going to have to accept. Chances are she'd be perfectly happy 'scraping by' if it meant seeing more of you -- and that's her perogative. If the only person you're working for is you, of course she'll be upset that you're working all the time. These are the things you need to discuss with her.