Advising people "Dont do it" or just letting them learn from their mistakes

veryangryman

I find myself alot talking to people who are planning, or in the process of doing something silly - be it changing jobs, hooking up with an old flame whose bad for them, or sticking red hot pokers up themselves...you get the picture..

Anyway, more recently i have just said to them that no amount of me saying "This is stupid - cop on" will help. Im no parent but i think that it equates to any advice i was ever given - people automatically rebel and do the wrong thing until they learn that this is stupid and see the terrible consequences (of course there are exceptions who are just too stupid to ever learn and for these there is no hope).

Anyway, my point is, Live and Let Live. People are always going to be stupid until they make the mistake. Hopefully they learn (sometimes the hard way) and move on eventually. As someone who more often than not, does the stupid thing, but slowly learns the error of ways, i thnk this is the right policy.

Of course ill probably change that if i ever have kids because its likely not practical but for now this is my new outlook.

ashyle

I don't say anything - they are gonna do it regardless.

Bonito

The worst is when they give you the spiel and then ask "Well, what do you think I should do?" Then you tell them not to. Then they do it anyway. Now that just shows how stupid they really are. WTF did ya ask me for in the 1st place?

TheZohanS

Borg fail...

sponsoredwalk

Bonito wrote: »

The worst is when they give you the spiel and then ask "Well, what do you think I should do?" Then you tell them not to. Then they do it anyway. Now that just shows how stupid they really are. WTF did ya ask me for in the 1st place?

Nobody asks their friend to order them what to do, they ask for opinions...

One woman/man's mistake is another woman/man's avenue.

I don't think taking chances and doing something someone else sees as stupid is itself stupid, people are different.

\thread fail...

opinion guy

People asking for advice generally are ust lookig for someone to agree with them I find. Its rare that someone actually will listen if you tell them something they didint' want to hear. But tell them anyway if its what your eally think.

as to interfering. If the potential consequences are very serious then i tend to say something - but it pisses people off and you can lose friends. it all depends what consequences you are willing to live with really

UrbanSea

I just encourage them. I love a good lol at peoples' misfortunes.

bazmaiden

Tried talking my friend and her husband, who are now both unemployed, out of buying their "dream" home in Sallins a few months back.

Needless to say they are in seious sh*t now.

Caoimhín

bazmaiden wrote: »

Tried talking my friend and her husband, who are now both unemployed, out of buying their "dream" home in Sallins a few months back.

Needless to say they are in seious sh*t now.

Some people just lose all reason when it comes to property. A friend of mine has a degree in economics and is about as smart as you get but she seems to have a blind spot regarding property.

In general though, it depends on what the person is planning on doing. It is difficult to learn from the mistake of jumping off a 10 story building for example.

meditraitor

From experience I try to avoid giving advice to friends on a few things (even if they ask),

Relationships
Family
Money


No good can come of it

Abi

If I'm asked for an opinion or advice I'll give it, if they don't like it they can shove it up their arse tbph. If you're going to ask for someones take on something, be prepared to hear an answer you may not like.


Most recently I made my feelings very clear about a family members girlfriend, (actually I told her what I thought of her too) but hes still with her. Hes making an utter twat out of himself. But what can you do really, other than stand back and watch disaster unfold.

SugarHigh

Abigayle wrote: »

If I'm asked for an opinion or advice I'll give it, if they don't like it they can shove it up their arse tbph. If you're going to ask for someones take on something, be prepared to hear an answer you may not like.


Most recently I made my feelings very clear about a family members girlfriend, (actually I told her what I thought of her too) but hes still with her. Hes making an utter twat out of himself. But what can you do really, other than stand back and watch disaster unfold.

I love the way people in this thread are assuming their advice is infallible and anyone who doesn't listen to it must be an idiot.

Abi

SugarHigh wrote: »

I love the way people in this thread are assuming their advice is infallible and anyone who doesn't listen to it must be an idiot.

And you picked out my post to convey this?


A family member was having a 'break' in his relationship and I told him I thought he should make it permenant considering she cheated on him with several other guys. He's back with her now.


But you're right yano, maybe I'm the idiot here...

Novella

I always give people the best advice I can. The thing about advice is, though, is that it can be wrong. So I'll happily tell people what I'd do in a situation, what I think would be for the best, but I don't think I'd think of them as an idiot if they didn't listen to me. I like gut feelings and I go with 'em myself a lot, so if another person does that too, cool.

I think life is too short for not doing something you really wanna do because you've been told not to, even if you will end up hurt or something.

Oh dear, I make no sense. /leaves

Mrs Garth Brooks

OP are you the jealous and bitter type of person? I get all that 'don't do it' crap from people that loves moaning and does nothing for themselves. They're not happy when someone does something then. Fk that, all ye experts can go fk yourselfs, how do you know whats going to work out and what doesn't?

bazmaiden

I think sugarhigh has a good point, it should be about giving objective advice

Although whether the recipient of that advice can be objective to that advice is another matter, and usually where the trouble can begin

Handsome Bob

I'd agree with Novella in the sense that advice can be wrong. I've acted on advice given to me rather than trusting my own instincts and it has on various occasions blown up in my face.

Sometimes you can withold information in order to make a picture look better, because you want your friend on some level to say "go for it". Thus, since you don't have the full picture, you could be prone to giving bad advice. That's not your fault, that's the fault of the person not giving an honest picture of a situation.

So, what I tend to do is just say "Look, no-one knows the situation better than yourself. Look at it honestly and without any sentiment and I think you'll realise yourself what's the best course of action to take. Either way, whatever happens I'll be here to support you."

Bonito

True, it's only advice. But I've always been sorely tempted to shout and point "I fúcking told you so" when it all goes tits up. However, I keep it to myself and give myself a nice big pat on the back and hope they learned their lesson.

veryangryman

HardLuckWoman wrote: »

OP are you the jealous and bitter type of person? I get all that 'don't do it' crap from people that loves moaning and does nothing for themselves. They're not happy when someone does something then. Fk that, all ye experts can go fk yourselfs, how do you know whats going to work out and what doesn't?

:rolleyes:

Hard luck, woman

Faith

Often it's necessary to make the mistakes yourself once so you don't do it again. I find that if someone just tells you not to do something, it doesn't really have the same lasting effect as making the mistake yourself.

Eavan Boland has a line in one of her poems: "If I defer the grief, I will diminish the gift", which means that if you protect people from pain and making mistakes, you also stop them from learning and growing from them.