teenage discos

edellc

My sister has a 13 year old girl...i've just found out she is off to a teenage disco tonight and asked my sis if she has checked it out herself to see the age group and type of supervision that is there at which point she got quite angry at me saying that the kids her child where going with where fine and one of the dads was driving them there and then collecting them and it was over around 10pm

bit of back round my sister got pregnant when she was a teenager was a tearaway and nightmare to live with she ended up giving said child up for adoption and this is her second child...this child although i love my niece she is a chip off the old block not that any of this should matter but i worry about my sisters parenting skills

when i was a teenager i went to wesley, sarah curren and the likes and know what goes on there never participated in it as my sister getting pregnant was the best birth control you could ask for

question is am i right to expect my sister to fully check out this disco, am i wrong to suggest that if it where me i would want to volunteer to supervise for the first disco visit so that i as a parent could make an informed decision about where and who my child is mixing with
sisters excuse for not going is that disco is 40mins drive away she lives in a small town and she doesnt drive and she trusts the friends dads opinion

mariaf24

I know this isn't probably good or sensible advice but i would have been absolutely mortified if my mother went to my disco when I was 13.
Instead i would be very very firm with the friends dad of what kind of behaviour you expect and don't expect from your niece. If he is the type of person who you trust i see no reason why he can't give his opinion,I'm sure 99% of parents would have the same opinion re behaviour.

Also, why not have a chat with your niece about alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Do not act as if you are accusing her but rather explain the dangers and that you trust her to make a sensible decision and you care about her very much, hence why you would worry.

testicle

She's not your daughter. If I was your sister, I'd tell you to butt out.

edellc

mariaf24 wrote: »

I know this isn't probably good or sensible advice but i would have been absolutely mortified if my mother went to my disco when I was 13.
Instead i would be very very firm with the friends dad of what kind of behaviour you expect and don't expect from your niece. If he is the type of person who you trust i see no reason why he can't give his opinion,I'm sure 99% of parents would have the same opinion re behaviour.

Also, why not have a chat with your niece about alcohol, cigarettes and drugs. Do not act as if you are accusing her but rather explain the dangers and that you trust her to make a sensible decision and you care about her very much, hence why you would worry.

thanks Maria,
sister just rang me back to say she had a chat with the other girls father to double check the disco he has let his girl go before and she had a great time and he feels it is safe enough so she is happy and thats what matters
as she is a single mam i was just playing devils advocate to see if all options have been covered
just dont want her to end up as another static teenage pregnancy i know she can do so much with her life and i love the bones of the girl so much
she's out shopping for a new top so i'll give her a buzz when she gets back to wish her the best and bring up the dangers as pointed out above by you but no lecture

edellc

testicle wrote: »

She's not your daughter. If I was your sister, I'd tell you to butt out.

excuse me for giving a **** about my niece glad im not related to you :P

ThatNewGuy

I think you should ask her if she knows that most teenagers are basically riding each other in the bathrooms there these days.

mariebeth

It's great that you're looking out for your niece like this, and I can see your sister calmed down a bit and realised that maybe you were right to be worried.

I would suggest though that you have an open communication with your niece. She's 13, she is going to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, but I think that the best way that she can be helped is if she has someone, like you - her aunt, who she can go to and talk openly with. It'd be nice for her to have someone who will teach her that it's okay to say no, that she does have a choice and while she might think it'd be uncool or geeky or whatever to say no, in the long run she will be cooler because she'll have made the choice for herself, when she is ready to do so.

stovelid

edellc wrote: »

excuse me for giving a **** about my niece glad im not related to you :P

Part of asking for advice on a forum is accepting that it might not be what you want to hear.

While I'm sure your advice is welcomed by your sister, it's not your child.

I welcome advice from my parents and siblings, for example, but there is still a line and they shouldn't cross it.

Deliverance

edellc wrote: »

My sister has a 13 year old girl...i've just found out she is off to a teenage disco tonight and asked my sis if she has checked it out herself to see the age group and type of supervision that is there at which point she got quite angry at me saying that the kids her child where going with where fine and one of the dads was driving them there and then collecting them and it was over around 10pm

bit of back round my sister got pregnant when she was a teenager was a tearaway and nightmare to live with she ended up giving said child up for adoption and this is her second child...this child although i love my niece she is a chip off the old block not that any of this should matter but i worry about my sisters parenting skills

when i was a teenager i went to wesley, sarah curren and the likes and know what goes on there never participated in it as my sister getting pregnant was the best birth control you could ask for

question is am i right to expect my sister to fully check out this disco, am i wrong to suggest that if it where me i would want to volunteer to supervise for the first disco visit so that i as a parent could make an informed decision about where and who my child is mixing with
sisters excuse for not going is that disco is 40mins drive away she lives in a small town and she doesnt drive and she trusts the friends dads opinion

Your sister is lucky to have you. You are right. Well done you. That is what family is about. Keep it up.