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very depressed

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  • 12-06-2010 1:26am
    #1
    decembersun77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 173 ✭✭


    Well
    I am 28 year old woman i live alone in a bedsit, i have no job never had a proper job, im on welfare, no career, no family, no friends, no love. Doing the life thing is very hard for me everything I do goes nowhere, well i got my health anyways and im not homeless i dont have addictions but im just thinking what is the point I feel i don't have the strenght to give to life to get it back anymore to have a normal life is very hard, to have want many people have and who take for granted like having someone you love who loves you also, to get married and have children to have a career that you can make use of the skills and qualities you have. Every aspect of my life is at zero I don't know anymore I don't know at all how to keep myself going.


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    #2
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    You're stuck in the welfare trap! Work isn't the be all and end all, in fact you are financially worse off on minimum wage than on benefits.

    Have you ever gone to college? you should look into the back to education allowance. You get paid for going to college, you'll get some new skills, self-confidence and you'll make new friends.


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    #3
    decembersun77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 173 ✭✭decembersun77


    tenchi-fan wrote: »
    You're stuck in the welfare trap! Work isn't the be all and end all, in fact you are financially worse off on minimum wage than on benefits.

    Have you ever gone to college? you should look into the back to education allowance. You get paid for going to college, you'll get some new skills, self-confidence and you'll make new friends.

    Well, i went to college years ago but I left, i did some FAS courses but nothing came of it and i did a few fetac courses and nothing came of them either. Well I don't know if have anything to offer society anyways or If i have its not needed I don't even have much family or friends. I have clothes, food and shelther but nothing i really need. I don't know how to keep on going its only myself for what


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    #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Decembersun, it must be really hard and lonely for you. But you do have much to offer others.

    Check out www.volunteer.ie, there are so many ways and things you can do that can make such a difference, whether is befriending someone, helping out with practical work, teaching some to read and write, doing festival work or even bag packing, there are lots of opportunities to get involved with organisations and people who need you.

    Overtime your sense of self-esteem and confidence will build, and that will make it easier to meet people, also.
    Check out your local library noticeboard also, for any details of things that might interest you. Are there are any other ways and opportunities for you to meet people that you might not have thought about? Is there any kind of work you would particularly like to do or things that interest you?


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    #5
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    decembersun77 wrote: »
    Well, i went to college years ago but I left, i did some FAS courses but nothing came of it and i did a few fetac courses and nothing came of them either. Well I don't know if have anything to offer society anyways or If i have its not needed I don't even have much family or friends. I have clothes, food and shelther but nothing i really need. I don't know how to keep on going its only myself for what

    You can't just say "nothing came out of them" - you need to make your own luck. So many people are leaving college and complaining there are no jobs.. trainee jobs are woefully paid but if you keep looking you will get one.

    I don't know what you mean by you have no family. You should be looking for a partner, a stork isn't just going to bring you a baby. As for brothers/sisters/parents/aunts and uncles/cousins.. what's the excuse there that you can't visit someone once a week for a chat?

    Friends aren't easy to make. Most of my friends, I made while I was in college 10 years ago and they haven't changed. You will really need to make an effort by doing an evening course, get a hobby or do volunteer work.

    The fact you have you own place, even if it is a bedsit, is a good start. It beats a room share. However, you might be happier in a house share because at least you'd have a bit more craic with your housemates. Having said that... I'd never share with strangers again but some people seem to like it.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tenchi-fan wrote: »
    I don't know what you mean by you have no family. You should be looking for a partner, a stork isn't just going to bring you a baby. As for brothers/sisters/parents/aunts and uncles/cousins.. what's the excuse there that you can't visit someone once a week for a chat?

    Seriously tenchi-fan that is a very ignorant thing to say. The OP said she doesnt have a family and when someone says they dont have a famliy they mean it. Youre not even taking in what the OP said. Not everybody is lucky enough to have a family, there are people, who for whatever reason, have nobody.


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    #7
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 17,378 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I would say you should move into a house with strangers.. Who cares if they might be untidy, this is the least of your worries.
    Volunteer for the summer and go back to college in September. Just force yourself to do these things.. You need to snap out of the lethargy you're now used to. Helping others and then helping yourself will immediately make you feel better.
    Goto a doctor if you can't find the motivation to do anything in the above.. You're not going to get out of the hole you're in unless you make some sort of move.
    Good luck.


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    #8
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    12/06/10 wrote: »
    Seriously tenchi-fan that is a very ignorant thing to say. The OP said she doesnt have a family and when someone says they dont have a famliy they mean it. Youre not even taking in what the OP said. Not everybody is lucky enough to have a family, there are people, who for whatever reason, have nobody.

    Nope, you're the ignorant one here. Beyond words.

    The op said "I don't even have much family or friends". She also said she has nothing, even though she has fas and fetac courses, not to mention good health.

    I think the op is just stuck in a rut and needs to take some positive steps to get out of it. If that means applying for jobs, changing accommodation, making new friends or even trying to make contact with some family I think she should do it.


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    #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i know where your coming from but at the end of the day you got 2 options....you cam moan and bitch about your problems which will achieve NOTHING or you take a deep breath, suck it up and be PRO-ACTIVE about overcoming your problems.


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    #10
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tenchi-fan wrote: »
    Nope, you're the ignorant one here. Beyond words.

    The op said "I don't even have much family or friends". She also said she has nothing, even though she has fas and fetac courses, not to mention good health.

    Really? What about this then?

    decembersun77 wrote: »
    Well
    I am 28 year old woman i live alone in a bedsit, i have no job never had a proper job, im on welfare, no career, no family, no friends, no love.

    Like I said, if the OP says she doesnt have "no" or "much" family then you take her at her word.It means the family thing is a no-starter, theres nothing there. Overall though, how is your approach helping the OP? She seems very upset and In need of some sympathy and support, she needs somebody to be nice to her and your tone isnt very sympathetic or nice.


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    #11
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    12/06/10 wrote: »
    Really? What about this then?
    I'm only going by what the op said in her second post. If you want to complain to me you can do it by pm. Although I'd rather you didn't because I won't be responding to you.


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    #12
    decembersun77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 173 ✭✭decembersun77


    Irishwildflowers wrote: »
    Decembersun, it must be really hard and lonely for you. But you do have much to offer others.

    Check out www.volunteer.ie, there are so many ways and things you can do that can make such a difference, whether is befriending someone, helping out with practical work, teaching some to read and write, doing festival work or even bag packing, there are lots of opportunities to get involved with organisations and people who need you.

    Overtime your sense of self-esteem and confidence will build, and that will make it easier to meet people, also.
    Check out your local library noticeboard also, for any details of things that might interest you. Are there are any other ways and opportunities for you to meet people that you might not have thought about? Is there any kind of work you would particularly like to do or things that interest you?

    Thank you very much for writing, WildIrishflowers. Well I do abit of voluntary its a few hours a week its teaching people well, im no teacher but its basically showing them and helping them remember things. I find some people judge me because I am a woman who lives alone.

    My brother lives on the other side on the world. I have my mother tho but we are not close because of personality clash but I love her all the same. I would visit home every 5 or 6 weeks I don't know my extended family. Well I do have a family but not emotionally but I am glad to have them tho no matter how they are. I have to be strong and see what I have. Its hurtful when others always go on about their families it feels isolating


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    #13
    decembersun77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 173 ✭✭decembersun77


    tenchi-fan wrote: »
    You can't just say "nothing came out of them" - you need to make your own luck. So many people are leaving college and complaining there are no jobs.. trainee jobs are woefully paid but if you keep looking you will get one.

    I don't know what you mean by you have no family. You should be looking for a partner, a stork isn't just going to bring you a baby. As for brothers/sisters/parents/aunts and uncles/cousins.. what's the excuse there that you can't visit someone once a week for a chat?

    Friends aren't easy to make. Most of my friends, I made while I was in college 10 years ago and they haven't changed. You will really need to make an effort by doing an evening course, get a hobby or do volunteer work.

    The fact you have you own place, even if it is a bedsit, is a good start. It beats a room share. However, you might be happier in a house share because at least you'd have a bit more craic with your housemates. Having said that... I'd never share with strangers again but some people seem to like it.

    Thanks very much for all your replies Tenchi-fan, About my family, well we arn't close My brother is at the other side of the world My mother and I don't get on very well. My extended family are like strangers.

    About doing something worthwhile, I do a few hours voluntary work so its something good. I don't have my own place, im renting it.

    About house sharing, I wouldnt ever share a house with strangers again, most of them drink and I like to do my own thing and stay up late if i can't sleep and make tea at 2am when ever I want because Im a very bad sleeper. I don't drink either and im not one for going to pubs and clubs so I wouldn't share with others because they would find me 'different' or 'strange' well that was what i experienced alot when I used to share with others so I would rather be on my own.


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    #14
    decembersun77
    Closed Accounts Posts: 173 ✭✭decembersun77


    hkjjkh wrote: »
    i know where your coming from but at the end of the day you got 2 options....you cam moan and bitch about your problems which will achieve NOTHING or you take a deep breath, suck it up and be PRO-ACTIVE about overcoming your problems.

    Thank you for writting, I really appreciate your advice. I wasn't moaning though, I was telling it like it is because it gets to me sometimes and sometimes its too hard to take the loniness that is why i was writting it here.

    I wasn't b*t*ching either, its not problems that gets me down, its my circumstances and my situation.

    Well all i can do is keep going im sure this is all for a reason to go throught alot of pain, accept it as a chance to grow and become a better person and to help others one day and be grateful for going throught this. Thinking the higher though. I just have to tell myself that, Theres no other choice


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    #15
    Lone Stone
    Registered Users Posts: 3,405 ✭✭✭Lone Stone


    Irishwildflowers wrote: »
    Decembersun, it must be really hard and lonely for you. But you do have much to offer others.

    Check out www.volunteer.ie, there are so many ways and things you can do that can make such a difference, whether is befriending someone, helping out with practical work, teaching some to read and write, doing festival work or even bag packing, there are lots of opportunities to get involved with organisations and people who need you.

    Overtime your sense of self-esteem and confidence will build, and that will make it easier to meet people, also.
    Check out your local library noticeboard also, for any details of things that might interest you. Are there are any other ways and opportunities for you to meet people that you might not have thought about? Is there any kind of work you would particularly like to do or things that interest you?

    ahh volunteer i was looking to try do something like this im in a rut like the op need to do something to get me out of my room :cool:
    edit*
    not a single thing for north county dublin =/


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    #16
    quibbles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭quibbles


    tenchi-fan wrote: »

    I don't know what you mean by you have no family. You should be looking for a partner, a stork isn't just going to bring you a baby.


    Lord above, what did the OP say about wanting a baby?

    Why do all men, automatically assume that a woman needs/wants a baby?

    Astounding ignorance there in that post.


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    #17
    tenchi-fan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,339 ✭✭✭tenchi-fan


    quibbles wrote: »
    Lord above, what did the OP say about wanting a baby?

    Why do all men, automatically assume that a woman needs/wants a baby?

    Astounding ignorance there in that post.

    Astounding ignorance from you too!

    Guess how women get families? They find a partner and have kids.
    The op is feeling sorry because she does not get on well with her parent's family. this is a very negative way of thinking. However, why should she dwell in the past? Some day she will have her own family. That's the point I was getting at.


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