Never had a girlfriend

LegacyUser

I am 29 years old and never had a girlfriend. This makes me feel a bit weird, not many people know about this.

I drown my sorrows and my shame with lots of booze. I am unemployed living of my savings so I have plenty of time to drink, I don't go out because it costs too much money and I never meet anyone anyway. I have to admit I have been with a few ladies of the night... it is the only thing I can get.

How do I get a girlfriend? I mean I don't ask for one right away but every time I like someone they never feel the same, what are the odds of that?

please don't suggest I go and see a psychiatrist because I am not mentally ill.

johanz

First, stop drinking, girls don't like alcoholics.
Then get a job, girls like men who can pay for stuff.

Then just get to know your workmates, go out to different places and so on.

LegacyUser

johanz wrote: »

First, stop drinking, girls don't like alcoholics.
Then get a job, girls like men who can pay for stuff.

Then just get to know your workmates, go out to different places and so on.

Having jobs and not drinking too much has not helped me in the past.

LegacyUser

Stop fantasizing and start romanticizing.

Mr Benevolent

As above, how does drinking lots help you to get a girlfriend? And what's to be ashamed about? Just talk to women, they're human too.

HungryJoey

johanz wrote: »

First, stop drinking, girls don't like alcoholics.
Then get a job, girls like men who can pay for stuff.

Then just get to know your workmates, go out to different places and so on.

That really doesn't help any situation. Its saying things like that, that make people assume thats how they should be that causes these thoughts. Its like facebook, people see other peoples lives on facebook and it has an effect on how they assume their lives should be. Everybody is different.

OP, buying stuff and having a job isn't what helps meeting someone. Ok so you're personal situation might play somepart in meeting someone but as I said everybody is different. When you meet someone who is just right, you'll know it.

Have you got any interests? There is so much out there, finding how to do it is all part of the fun. Have you ever thought about going back to some further education? Is there anything that you would LOVE to do. So many options out there.

kjl

no!

coffee_cake

HungryJoey wrote: »

OP, buying stuff and having a job isn't what helps meeting someone.

No, but showing you're happy with your life will help. Being unemployed will send you into a downward spiral after a while. Drinking all the time will do damage as well. He needs to be in a good place before he can even think of offering anything to a relationship with another person. A relationship isn't going to fall into his lap, and if it did it would end fairly quick sharp. It's not a bandage to fix his life.

johanz

HungryJoey wrote: »

That really doesn't help any situation. Its saying things like that, that make people assume thats how they should be that causes these thoughts. Its like facebook, people see other peoples lives on facebook and it has an effect on how they assume their lives should be. Everybody is different.

Obviously having no job and drinking in bars won't get you a girlfriend. And as op said, he doesn't go out because it's too expensive. That's why he needs a job, to go out, not only to pubs.

Being stable increases the chances of finding the one tenfold. Really, how can you find your love if the only place you go to is pub and the only thing you do is drink yourself to the pulp?

When you have a job, you can afford going out, going on clubs, both night clubs and these clubs where people talk about their interests.
Without money you can't socialize as much.

And I am quite sure smell of alcohol doesn't attract nice girls.

LegacyUser

People, people people, the advice you gave me does not work don't you think I haven't already tried what you suggested?

Elessar

I can sympathise with your situation. You think at that age you would have had a girlfriend at least, you think you're a failure etc.

The advice I will give you is to forget about it. A relationship is a privilege, not a right. It's not a quick fix for all your woes. You're not entitled to it.

Forget about it. Why do you need a relationship anyway? You're doing just fine on your own. Be yourself, forget about the fact you don't have a girlfriend. So what?

Stop caring about it and you'll realise that you don't need one. You'd like it, with the right girl, but you don't need it.

It is when I stopped thinking about it or caring about whether I could get a particular girl that I have had the most luck with women. Confidence tends to shine through when you're like this. And that is very attractive to women.

So stop obsessing over it, live your life, do things you always wanted to do, but do them for yourself, not because you want a girl (you don't need one!). More than likely, everything will fall into place for you. It will happen when you least expect.

johanz

neverhadagirl wrote: »

People, people people, the advice you gave me does not work don't you think I haven't already tried what you suggested?

Because drinking and being jobless helps, right?
Having a job won't get you a gf, but it will increase your chances tenfolds.
Get a job, join some club or stuff, get to know people. Friends = parties = girls.

So yeah, having a job is not the one step, but it's a beginning.

LegacyUser

I am trying to quit drinking to save money and I do have stuff lined up, with a bit of luck I'll be going to China for a year. I have lived and worked in different countries before but no luck and I am worried that my social life will be a failure in China like in every other place I have ever been to.

johanz

neverhadagirl wrote: »

I am trying to quit drinking to save money and I do have stuff lined up, with a bit of luck I'll be going to China for a year. I have lived and worked in different countries before but no luck and I am worried that my social life will be a failure in China like in every other place I have ever been to.

Why are you even going to china? Unless you know/are chinese???

Silverfish

johanz wrote: »

Why are you even going to china? Unless you know/are chinese???

johanz, please read the charter with relation to off-topic and unhelpful posting.

Thank you.

johanz

Silverfish wrote: »

johanz, please read the charter with relation to off-topic and unhelpful posting.

Thank you.

Which part of character did I break?

LegacyUser

Perhaps a female could tell me what is required for me to get someone I like to like me?

Silverfish

johanz wrote: »

Which part of character did I break?

The bit relating to off-topic and unhelpful posting.

neverhadagirl wrote: »

Perhaps a female could tell me what is required for me to get someone I like to like me?

I'll be honest with you OP, I never thought women were the best people to get advice off for picking up women

I personally think there's a few things that would be important - hygiene, cleanliness, humour, ability to talk on subjects - books, movies, and above all else, confidence.

cheekyass

neverhadagirl wrote: »

Perhaps a female could tell me what is required for me to get someone I like to like me?

Speaking for my people....Only kidding

I'm really sorry to hear that your finding yourself in this vicious circle....but you need to pull yourself out of it for your own sake.....its the 'feeling sorry for yourself' part that might put girls off. You have to trust that you have qualities that someone will love! But maybe these qualities are being smothered by negativity?

You should really consider cutting down on the drink.... Alcohol can be a depressive, it will probably drag you deeper into a negative mood.

Keep yourself busy, I know your trying to not spend money but maybe the money your spending on drink could be more productively spent?

Take care of yourself anyway

Neyite

ok you want to get a girlfriend - so assess your life, personality, etc methodically - do a bit of a self-assessement. i did, and found that i though im chatty, i tended to monopolise the conversations with stuff about me, so worked on being a good listener more, and i dont talk about myself unless i feel that others would find it interesting. i also realised i moaned more than i thought, so did less of that, or if i did, turned it into a wry joke or something. and people started responding more to me.

like attracts like - so if you are in a negative frame of mind when you meet girls, you will likely attract one in a similar frame of mind to your own, having that 'something in common' so to speak, if you are upbeat, and enthusiastic about life, you could attract someone who has a joie de vivre about her.
i look through my exes, and the ones without issues were always the ones i met when my outlook on life was good, the bad ones when my self confidence was at an all time low.

if i was chatted up by someone the big turnoffs for me are:
the guy being moany, moody, drunk, arrogant or getting the impression hes chatting me up, not because he noticed me, but because im female and 'she'll do'.

but to be honest, ive never met anyone who ive had a successful relationship with in a club/pub environment. ive met my exes through work, studies, friend of a friend etc.

you sound worried about china - i say look at it as a massive oppertunity to reinvent yourself and your social life - say, promise yourself you will accept every invite, or join every social group hobby you can over there (from guys as well as girls- they might introduce you to a great girl) . it will take a bit of effort initially, but after a little while, will take care of itself.

good luck

HavingCrack

neverhadagirl wrote: »

Perhaps a female could tell me what is required for me to get someone I like to like me?

I'll probably get slated for this but don't take womens advice on meeting other women. Seriously, they really won't give good advice because what they think they want in a man is completely different to what they actually want. Its all crazy psycology but if you type it into Google you'll find a lot of websites soon enough.

LegacyUser

Having crack is spot on . Women are all totally different in what they want and even faced with what they want may even change their mind . For example my ex hated my kitchen units and I never changed them .I broke up with my ex ,my current girlfriend loves my kitchen units . Now I'm glad i didn't bin my 4000 euro kitchen .

Its a crazy kind of logic but thats the female species for you.

wylo

^^ This is very true.

Neyite

HavingCrack wrote: »

I'll probably get slated for this but don't take womens advice on meeting other women. Seriously, they really won't give good advice because what they think they want in a man is completely different to what they actually want. Its all crazy psycology but if you type it into Google you'll find a lot of websites soon enough.

so i as a female dont know what i want but Google does? this may be true of some women, but dont tar us all with the same brush please.

OP one more turnoff for me would be a guy acting like someone he is not
(as in fake) because he has a stupid idea that i dont know what i want so is not being his true self.

Bluefox21

Go to the gym, buy some nice clothes sounds like you're just lacking in confidence

LegacyUser

I have been in much better shape I have tried everything but nothing has worked. Believe me, I have tried everything you could imagine.

I have slept with about 20+ prostitutes because these are the only females who will let me do that, they are the only ones who gave me any affection whatsoever. I know this is wrong by most people's standards but what else am I supposed to do?

I HATE THIS WORLD

HavingCrack

Neyite wrote: »

so i as a female dont know what i want but Google does? this may be true of some women, but dont tar us all with the same brush please.

No obviously some women such as yourself know what they want in a man and aren't afraid to say it. I obviously didn't mean Google knows more than you but I was just giving it as a reference to the OP if he wanted to look it up.

However in my own personal experience I can safely say women are far less direct and more waffely and vague in expressing what sort of qualities they want in a man than the other way around. I am not attempting to tar all women with the same brush but I am warning the OP that I'd be quite cautious of taking advice from women on dating other women.