Can someone just grow out of being an alcoholic?

Kimia

Hi all. I have a strange question that I really hope you can help me with.

I have an on off relationship with my dad, I see him now and again and I'm very fond of him. It's very non-traditional. He's (was) an alcoholic and was extremely destructive when I was growing up so my parents split when I was entering my teens after years of insanity.

So we motor on. I'm in my late 20's now and we've managed to stay friendly. So we were chatting the other day and he has been very depressed lately. Obviously I don't live with him and I don't see him very often (have to keep quite detached for my own sanity!) so I asked if he ever goes to meetings to help.

He answered why? Why would I? And I (puzzled) just said would AA not help with the drinking etc. He laughed it off and said that he kicked that drink problem years ago and that he even has a pint now and again and there's no problem so why would he go to AA! I was dumbfounded.

Does this happen? I can't believe that something that has literally nearly defined me as a child, person etc just doesn't affect him anymore. I mean, our entire family was destroyed over this. Or is he just deep in denial, which is horrifying in itself? I just can't get my head around it, and I'm loath to get too involved too because I have to make sure to keep myself detached. Please help me figure this out.

PK2008

You can snap out of alcoholism, in fact most alcoholics usually have a moment which signals the end of it for them (commonly known as hitting rock bottom)

Its staying off it thats the problem and thats where AA usually helps for most. Those who do go to AA will normally avoid drink completely, even occassional ones but then people can fall off the wagon.

It is possible that your father had a moment that made him switch off from alcohol but odds are he's probably just in denial. Without knowing more about him its hard to tell

changes

If he was the sort of alcoholic that had very little to no control of his drinking and was on it in the mornings and drinking when he really didn't want to then i don't believe he would ever grow out of it.

On the other hand there are people who drink constantly, maybe even 7 days a week but they can still function fairly well, if control was never really lost even if they still choose to drink all the time then its possible that they could reduce their drinking and and take a pint and not go off the rails.

Its a difficult distinction to make, was his drinking classically alcoholic or was he just a destructive heavy drinker but still had a decent level of control over it.

iguana

Yes, not everyone can, but I know of 3 people personally who have had extremely serious alcohol addiction problems but can now drink moderately. Alcoholism is a mental health issue, not a physical disease, when the alcoholic stops drinking they can spend time getting to the source of their issues and deal with it/them. If they do that, it's possible (though not always advisable) that they can learn to use drink as an occasional pleasure rather than self-medication. It's no different from a former anorexic/bullemic getting to point in life where he/she can pig out a bit on holiday and then healthily cut back on treats for a few weeks after. Or a former OCD sufferer can safely wash his/her dirty hands without becoming obsessive about it.

Some people will never be able to get to state where they can drink again, some will never want to try, others will substitute the addiction to alcohol with other 'addictions'; religion, group, sport, gambling. (One of the former alcoholics I know became a fundamentalist baptist during his recovery, which his wife hates very nearly as much as his alcohol abuse).

You can read up on several takes on this, Dr. Marc F. Kern was one of the first to talk publicly about how possible this is. The book Phoenix In A Bottle also covers the personal experience of two former addicts who are now addiction counsellors who say it's perfectly possible.

Kimia

Thanks for the responses so far. From what I remember (i seem to not be able to remember much which is strange) it was pretty hardcore, binging, disappearing all night and coming back hammered and abusive. Although I remember it like it happened night after night it may have only been once a month or so?

So it just strikes me as odd that that's all just a non-issue anymore. I mean, why couldn't he have figured that out when he was with my mom. God I'm getting a bit annoyed thinking about it! :mad:

iguana

There isn't any point in getting annoyed about it at this point. Alcoholism is weird, and while ultimately it was his choice not to sort himself out earlier than he did, he also didn't set out to cause the harm to your family that he did, iykwim. But generally an alcoholic will keep drinking until they really want to stop, and too often it takes losing all of the other things they love to make them realise that they must stop.

One of the people that I know was an absolute chronic drinker, even to the point of getting utterly pissed, passing out behind the wheel of his truck and crashing, ending up fighting for his life, in hospital for months where he dried out and swore never to drink again. Yet on the morning of his discharge he left before his brother came to collect him, snuck out while on crutches, went to the nearest pub and didn't come home until 2am. He drank night and day for years, putting his family through absolute hell. Every so often he'd make a recovery 'attempt' usually off the back of an ultimatum from his family and went through many attempts at AA and two rehab stays but they never worked. After nearly a decade of chronic addiction he found a church group that worked for getting him sober. And some years after that he started to enjoy the occasional glass of wine.

steddyeddy

kimia what i will say is that (while im not a therapist) i know that when people are being treated for alcoholisim there is often a very strong underlying cause a friend of mine who had a rough childhood to say the least used to practice self harmin his teens then later in life became a alcholic, now i wouldnt label his problem as alcoholism as there was aways a problem there.

What im trying to say is that modern doctors ect see alcoholisim as a symptom of a illness rather than a illness in itself, my dad was a alcoholic also kimia but also a very agressive,depressive and the rest sort of person, he gave up drinking years ago but i know he still has or had issues, people can give up alcohol but a lot of the time what ever made them abuse alcohol remains.

hope that helps kimia i know how frustrating it is, id also say its good that you know that he had a adverse affect on you growing up but maybe it would help to tell him that and express anger towards him (if you have it)

Kimia

Thanks guys.