Friend or more

LegacyUser

Im looking for opinions here as to whether or not making a move on this girl I like is worth the risk, the risk is that of the posibility of loosing our friendship and closeness,

I'm in my late 20's as is the girl I like, Ive my own buisness and she works for me so we see each other pretty much every day

We've been getting on very well as I do with all my staff, im not like a boss more of a guy that shows up each day for a chat and a laugh and all of the staff would consider me as a friend not their employer

I like to party, drink alot and I usually go out 6 or 7 nights a week and I dont really live in reality at all, never know what day it is never mind what date it is and never care whats going on around me as long as im enjoying myself, which is a thing that this girl really likes about me, she loves to party too and weve gone out a few times together, she says she has never had more fun that when shes with me

What Im not too sure is whether she just wants fun and friendship or something more, ive been getting mixed signals from her for weeks which isnt surprising because I can never get a straight answer from her about anything, shes droping what might be hints into conversations all the time, like how she doesnt like to be on her own relationshipwise how much she enjoys being with me, and she always makes sure I know when her days off are.

Weve been going out together alot recently, out by night and out by day, things like shoping, she picks out clothes for me, picked out one aftershave which she says drives her crazy and cant resist any man that wears it, whenever we go out by night we always go back to her place and i sleep in her bed although nothing has ever happened

What I cant decide is whether out not I should make a move and see is there anything there for her, or ask her straight out if she has any feelings for me, is it worth the risk of loosing the friendship if she doesnt like me, Id hate for things to change from where they are now, I now I could keep things going the way they are going no problem and my feelings wouldnt bother me but I hate to see any chance wasted

Im not too sure what she wants but a very strong friendship is very possible but a good friend or hers said to me the other day that if I really wanted something you never know what could happen so i get more confused by the day

Opinions?

Taltos

Honestly - as her boss - you have already crossed the line here.

I just hope for your sake that she is genuine and not out to take you to the cleaners. For her sake - I also hope you are genuine.

Either way you are dancing in a minefield of litigation here. No matter how you paint yourself you are her boss.
Suggest you stop all this messing about - and if asked tell her simply that it is not appropriate for the position of authority you hold over her, while you wish it could be different you have a duty of care as her employer.

I know this is not what you wanted to hear. It could work - would be better if you were equals - however as her boss - well - that dynamic is fraught with so many problems.

PK2008

mixed messages wrote: »

Im look

I'm in my late 20's as is the girl I like, Ive my own buisness and she works for me so we see each other pretty much every day

We've been getting on very well as I do with all my staff, im not like a boss more of a guy that shows up each day for a chat and a laugh and all of the staff would consider me as a friend not their employer

I like to party, drink alot and I usually go out 6 or 7 nights a week and I dont really live in reality at all, never know what day it is never mind what date it is and never care whats going on around me as long as im enjoying myself, which is a thing that this girl really likes about me, she loves to party too and weve gone out a few times together, she says she has never had more fun that when shes with me

Sorry but all I could think about when I read that was DAVID BRENT!!

Anyway it sounds like she's into you alright and would be up for it, only thing is it could be horribly complicated in work. I think workplace romances can work for 2 employees but the boss/owner and an employee has disaster written all over it.

LegacyUser

PK2008 wrote: »

Sorry but all I could think about when I read that was DAVID BRENT!!

Anyway it sounds like she's into you alright and would be up for it, only thing is it could be horribly complicated in work. I think workplace romances can work for 2 employees but the boss/owner and an employee has disaster written all over it.

As I said im not like the boss at the company, I just turn up and wander around chatting to people and have a laugh, they dont treat me like the boss, I have a few managers in place that run the business for me, in ten years and about 300 staff I dont think I ever gave one of them an order.

Im going to have to google David Brent after this to see who he is but im sure I'll get a laugh from it

Id say she probably is up for it but what im worried about is that we have a great time together as it is and if she does think we are just good friends and I make a move I know that would be the end of it, so who knows, off to google David Brent

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Honestly - as her boss - you have already crossed the line here.

I just hope for your sake that she is genuine and not out to take you to the cleaners. For her sake - I also hope you are genuine.

would think shes out to take me to the cleaners because when were out together she spendsjust as much on me as id spend on her, like the other day we went for a few drink during the day, she bought more rounds than me and insisted on it, then we went for sushi afterwards which she paid for, or else shes on the hard sell, giving a great sales pitch

LegacyUser

just to edit the above post: wouldnt think she out to take me to the cleaners

Taltos

Really hope it works out for you - just want you to be cautious due to the position you hold. While there is one amazing upside the downsides to this could be costly

> bullying from fellow workmates
> loss of friendship
> loss of respect from your employees
> risk of harrasment suit - either from her or another
> damage to your reputation

scenario 1: You ask her out. She says no. Annual review comes up and she gets no pay rise due to economy/performance. Claims being victimizes cause she turned you down

scenario 2: One of your managers gives her a bonus / pay rise. Fellow slacker employee takes umbridge and tells everyone it is only because she is sleeping with the boss...

scenario 3: One of your managers get fired... Takes you to court on charges of unfair dismissal and claims they were victimized because they had to discipline your girlfriend...

I am not trying to get you down about this at all - I just want you to be 100% clear on what might happen and to protect yourself and her from as much as you can. It only takes one bad apple to start the whole barrel rotting.

At the same time - you could jokenly comment that X asked if you two were an item and check her response. If she asks what you answered - suggest you laugh warmly and have some response ready that might prompt her for an answer - eg - "suggest that they ask you not me..."
See I hate all the crap above - but with the way we now live our lives - where we spend most of our waking hours in work - where else are we to get a chance to meet people. Suggest you just take it slowly - and maintain proper relations / safeguards in work to protect not just you - but her too. Something else I have seen is in relationships like this - the boss overcompenstating and penalizing their partner to be seen to be fair - also causes havok...

Just be careful - and as at the beginning - really hope it works out for you both. Its hard to meet someone - so sometimes you just got to take the risk.