Why am I so afraid to leave

disgruntled09

I've been through a rough time with my bf over the last two years. It started 5 weeks before our baby was born when i found out he was having an affair with his ex. This lasted 6 months (i was too vunerable to leave, felt i needed him etc). When the affair ended i started to feel like an idiot for putting up with it and basically we have fought since. We dont get on anymore, there is nothing between us yet i still cant find the strength to leave. We broke up last week, the next day i found myself really upset and trying to think of ways we could stay together .. just one final shot. so i talked to him about my idea and he wasnt as keen, thinks things have gone to far and theres no point. Deep down i know he is right and i know it is only fear making me want one last shot. At the moment he is thinking about what he wants. Its ridiculous because hes the one that had the affair and ruined what we had forever yet i find myself waiting for his decision about what he wants! Yesterday he was horrible to me yet again and i spent the whole day 100% sure that it is to end between us and even if he says yes to one last shot that i would say no. But today the anger has subsided and i'm starting to be afraid of breaking up again. I dont know why .. i've got a great family and friends and can afford to be on my own and provide for me and my daughter quite comfortably. Why am i so afraid??? Why cant i stay angry with him???

Ickle Magoo

Have you considered counselling? It's sleep-deprivatory bloody hard work being a new parent, added to that a partner being unfaithful and it's little wonder your self-esteem is at rock bottom. You definitely deserve better than a man who cheats on his pregnant wife, doesn't end it immediately and then keeps you hanging waiting to see if he decides wither the relationships survives; perhaps talking to someone might help you see that?

Best of luck.

disgruntled09

I was thinking of getting hypnosis for self esteem / self confidence. Someone on here also recommended Cognative Behaviour Therapy. Maybe i should try it??

dublingal80

ur afraid because you have been through so much with him, good and bad, and you have a child. Its of course scary thinking of leaving him, with the baby and finding your own place to live or living with family or friends.

The thing you have to think about is that its not good for your baby to be around all these arguements. You have to do whats best for you and the baby, and unfortunately it is both of you moving out and starting a new life together.

best of luck

disgruntled09

I know you are right, deep down i know exactly what i need to do. Its just getting up the guts to do something about it.

Keep thinking what if leaving him is a mistake but then the realistic side of my brain asks why the hell i didnt go 2 years ago when i first found out.

dublingal80

how would leaving him be a mistake when
- he had an affair on you
- while you were pregnant
- continued it after you both had a new born baby to look after
- and continued it for 6 months!!
- and he is still being horrible to you

seriously, if you do leave him and if you ever ever think you have made a mistake, come back to your original post and read through it again because you will change your mind

I dont think its the fact you think it could be a mistake that is stopping you, its just an excuse. you are just terrified to take that big step, it is such a big thing to do, to leave the father of your child. but at the moment its best for you and the baby

God knows what will happen in the future. you leaving might give him the time to grow up and cop on and you could get back together. but just do yourself and the baby a favour and do whats best for both of you

disgruntled09

Thanks dublingal80, reading back on posts like this will help me. And getting out of this farce will make me a stonger person.

I've also started writing a list of bad things that he has done / have happened .. its two pages long so far. I will be consulting that at any moments of clarity i might need

dublingal80

good for you!!! and i promise you, that list will help

an ex of mine was an abolsute disaster, had so many issues and our relationship was a mess, i could have written a book about everythng that went wrong. but when we eventually broke up, after a while, all i could do was remember the good things about him and not the million bad things about him. so do write that list about him. and also write a list of positivie things in your life without him in it. first should be your child and you will finally be in a happy and safe envirnoment