Get him back

LegacyUser

Ok guys just looking for some advice......before anyone tells me to just move on that is not an option........
I was with a guy for about 3 months, we had the most incredible time together.....he was the one pushing things faster....i knew from the get go he had issues with his ex....and this led me to play my cards close to my chest.
Anyways about a month ago he said he needed to take some space but within 3 day was back saying what a terrible mistake he had made. I took him back after about a week and then a couple of days later he called time on us again saying he couldnt handle the type of relationship we were becoming, he needed to sort his head out.
I gave him all the space in the world didnt contact him at all, he contacted me for a special occassion i had on.
Im crazy about this guy, we have alot of mutual friends and his friends have all said how he thinks the world of me blahblah blah.
basically last week i sent him a really friendly text saying hey and wondering would he like to go for a walk and a catch up?
I never got a reply and it is driving me absolutely insane.............
When we were splitting up he said it was so hard for him cos he had so many feelings for me and i do honestly think he was completely genuine about it all and found it very upsetting........
How do i get him back????? I feel like im going out of my mind
Im 30 years of age and i have never felt like this about anyone......giving up is not an option for me, im a very level headed woman!!!!!

dublingal80

it sounds like he is either still really messed up in the head with his ex, or he just isnt ready for another relationship

When did you text him about the walk?

LegacyUser

texted him this day last week, the creepy thing is nothing was in my sent items however it was in the message log..........

mood

gethimback wrote: »

Ok guys just looking for some advice......before anyone tells me to just move on that is not an option........
I was with a guy for about 3 months, we had the most incredible time together.....he was the one pushing things faster....i knew from the get go he had issues with his ex....and this led me to play my cards close to my chest.
Anyways about a month ago he said he needed to take some space but within 3 day was back saying what a terrible mistake he had made. I took him back after about a week and then a couple of days later he called time on us again saying he couldnt handle the type of relationship we were becoming, he needed to sort his head out.
I gave him all the space in the world didnt contact him at all, he contacted me for a special occassion i had on.
Im crazy about this guy, we have alot of mutual friends and his friends have all said how he thinks the world of me blahblah blah.
basically last week i sent him a really friendly text saying hey and wondering would he like to go for a walk and a catch up?
I never got a reply and it is driving me absolutely insane.............
When we were splitting up he said it was so hard for him cos he had so many feelings for me and i do honestly think he was completely genuine about it all and found it very upsetting........
How do i get him back????? I feel like im going out of my mind
Im 30 years of age and i have never felt like this about anyone......giving up is not an option for me, im a very level headed woman!!!!!

I think moving on is your only option. You can't make someone want to be with you. Either they do or they don't. I think you are better it ended not and not after a year.

dublingal80

definately +1 to the above post

dont text him back because if he didnt reply to your last text, he probably wont reply to the next one either. You are just making it all harder for yourself. I know its so difficult because you cared about him, a lot, but if his heart isnt in it there isnt anything you can do about it unfortunately. You cant "get him back" if he doesnt want to be "gotten" (if that makes sense)

you will move on and meet someone a million times better

seenitall

Since you are so "level-headed" that you want to be with someone who dumped you twice and is not answering your texts, my best tip is you better pray that the head-wrecker is finished with you for good, otherwise there is a WORLD of hurt in store, and you ain't seen nuthin' yet.

Good luck with it.

Faith

gethimback wrote: »

before anyone tells me to just move on that is not an option........

Unfortunately it's your only option. He's made it clear he doesn't want you, and you can't force him to want you. You'll just drive yourself crazy if you keep trying to 'get him back' and you'll end up even more hurt and upset, and probably humiliated too. Hard as it is, you need to accept that it's over and move on.

Miss Fluff

100% in agreement with seenitall. Why you would want to be with someone who has expressly dumped you twice because they no longer want to be with you is beyond me. :eek: You probably may have a chance of getting back with him. For a day. Maybe two. Then he will dump you again. Why would you put yourself through that?

Regardless of your proviso at the start of your message, forgetting about him IS actually your only option. You're only asking for heartbreak by entertaining any thoughts of a reunion. Sure it will be hard while you are getting over him, but short-term pain will most definitely mean long-term gain in this instance girl.

Monkey61

Ah my heart goes out to you because I think we have all been in this position at some stage - I certainly have anyway.

It is so hard when you meet someone that you feel so strongly about and really think that you are meant to be together to even comprehend the idea that they don't feel the same way.

I have met girls before and thought we were absolutely perfect for each other and just could not get my head around the fact that they clearly just didn't think so.

The main thing here is - he doesn't want you. For whatever reason he just doesn't feel it for you. Leave aside exes and whatnot, if someone feels a spark for you and wants to be with you they will, irrespective of anything else.

He has dumped you twice and now isn't texting you back. You can't force him to like you as much as you may want to. Your feelings for someone can never be strong enough to change their minds.

Moving on will be hard but it is the only choice that you have. There will be someone else out there that is better for you though. It is just a matter of finding him!

shelly1234

hey girl..look its like this you were only 3 months into your relationship, now i know that 3 intense months can feel like a whole year but even though it doesnt feel like it now but you are lucky that this has happened so soon..in my case we are together over a year and my bf did more or less the same thing but we were living together! we are back together now but his heart isnt in it and im too afraid to say anything because i know he'l run a mile but get out while you can woman! do u really wanna spend your life wondering what next week is going to bring instead of feeling safe and secure with someone...sure u may get back together but the anxiety of when is he gonna dump me again will set in and youl be exactly where im at now in a pit of depression!!!! please take my advice...you said your level headed woman and you sound strong so dont let him turn you into a needy, desperate mess!!! i know what im talking about! i just wish i had a crystal ball 3 months into our relationship because i would have ran a mile if i had known what was to come....

LegacyUser

shelley, you can also leave the relationship. suffer no more. i feel your pain.

op, i know how you feel 'cos i have been there.

but really nothing you can do, 'cos he DECIDED not to be with you.

maybe you think he has difficulties to love you, going through something etc etc, you are looking for excuses for him.

but really, no, he just DOES NOT love you.

we all have done silly things. i did too. but it's nothing we can do to make a person loves you. it's not how hard you try to make it works. give up and let go.

if it meant to be, it will be, just let it go.

let it go, have your own life, and you will see a forest.

Emme

You're flogging a dead horse. Pick yourself up and move on.

PK2008

Ah the 'emotionally unavailable man', bit of a cliche but happens a lot. Im sorry but you were really just a rebound for this guy a kind of bridge to help him work out his emotions form his ex. Its not nice, but you really need to shut this guy out of your life.

LegacyUser

OK still in the same boat although things have progressed slightly..........i got a text from him saturday saying sorry he hadnt been in touch and would i like to do something sunday........i told him i was out with friends and would let him know if i was free the next day.......
we ended up meeting for coffee on sunday and it was so so nice........we talked and talked and laughed, neither of us brought up us and after an hour i said i had to go i had people to see so we left. I got a really lovely text off him saying it was really good to catch up and what a laugh we always have and hopefully he would see me again soon

So then on tuesday my front door broke and i texted him (he is a carpernter) asking did he know anyone who knew anything about doors, he texted straight back saying he would be over the next night to fix it for me! So he came over last night and again laughed and joked, he threw a few compliments in and had to take the lock to get a new one so is coming back over weekend to replace new one. I got him a few beers to say thanks for doing it
So basically do i continue this way with him or do i lay it on the table and tell him how i feel??????

Miss Fluff

gethimback wrote: »

So basically do i continue this way with him or do i lay it on the table and tell him how i feel??????

Well it is quite obvious that you can't continue the way you are. You should have a read back over your posts. He is totally dictating terms here and every time he says jump you're waiting there in the wings asking him how high. Do you realise how corrosive that is? If someone REALLY wants you, they will be with you. And I, amongst so many other women I know, have learnt that the hard way. It is really that simple. You are TOTALLY wasting your time and fooling yourself.

Sounds to me like he is sniffing around for a $hag. He'll have you when it suits him and then will dump you again when he sees you as being too much hassle. If you actually can gather some strength and a bit of self-respect you should put a halt to this psuedo-friendship you have and ask him to stay away from you.

Miss Fluff

gethimback wrote: »

OK still in the same boat although things have progressed slightly..........

And not to be too pedantic here but things have not progressed. Not at all. You're taking ten steps back if you ask me....

shelly1234

Guys do u not think ur being a littl eharsh here the girl does have feelings ya know and there are nicer ways to say things... OP its up to you but do u really want to put urself back in a position where he can do this to u all over again?? tbh what i would do is let him get all into you if thats whats happening but i would look back on how upset u were and sometimes we all just want what we cant have so maaaayyyybe just maybe u might realise that u dont want him after all so turn the tables and leave him pining for u and try and get on with your life! just an idea x