Should I ask his sister to be a bridesmaid?

angeldelight

Just looking for some opinions... my fiancé (lol) and I got engaged three weeks ago. I already knew I wanted my best friend to be my maid of honour and that's a given. I've asked her and she has agreed. I don't really have a lot of close female friends so there's nobody else I would ask.

Except himself has only one sister... and I'm in a dither over whether I should ask her to be a bridesmaid or not. I'd be honestly perfectly happy with just the one but it's more I'd be afraid her/their mam/everyone else would think it strange that I hadn't asked her? She's a really nice girl don't get me wrong but I don't really know her that well. We've been together 4 years almost and while I'd have spent a good bit of time with her it's always very general Qs about work/tv etc that we'd talk about so we're not really close, although we did do the mini marathon together last year.

The reasons I wouldn't ask her are the morning of the wedding I don't want loads of faff - the fewer people to get ready the better. Also my best friend and I are really close - I'd be totally relaxed around her and she can make me laugh and relax whereas his sister I'd feel like I had to be on best behaviour - or watching out to make sure she was ok. Also part of me thought maybe she'd prefer to be in their house the morning of the wedding for the craic in their house as he's leaving from there and his mam will have a big brekkie and the neighbours in for a drink and stuff. And I'm totally un-bridezilla like... while I might prefer certain colours for bm dress for my best friend, the style of dress or where she wanted to buy it/what shoes to wear etc. doesn't bother me - but I think with 2 it gets more awkward. And my best friend wouldn't be very well at the moment so I'm happy to go with the flow, cancel shopping trips if she's not up to it etc whereas again, with 2 that's a lot harder esp if she's taken time off work...

Argh I don't know! As I said we're 3 weeks engaged, everyone knows I've asked my friend to be bm and I feel I have to decide soon. It's our engagement party/drinks on Sat night so if I'm going to ask I think I'd better ask her then rather than have it much later and make it look like I forgot or something. Any opinions?

artyeva

sounds to me like you should forget what you think other people might or might not think you should do, and instead think if someone had a gun to head and was about to fire - would you really really want her to be your BM...?

only you can decide really, and i don't mean that flippantly, is just don't worry about other people, do what you're most comfortable with. personally though? i wouldn't want anyone i wasn't 110% relaxed with anywhere near me on my wedding day.... but then that's just me

dekbhoy

angeldelight wrote: »

Just looking for some opinions... my fiancé (lol) and I got engaged three weeks ago. I already knew I wanted my best friend to be my maid of honour and that's a given. I've asked her and she has agreed. I don't really have a lot of close female friends so there's nobody else I would ask.

Except himself has only one sister... and I'm in a dither over whether I should ask her to be a bridesmaid or not. I'd be honestly perfectly happy with just the one but it's more I'd be afraid her/their mam/everyone else would think it strange that I hadn't asked her? She's a really nice girl don't get me wrong but I don't really know her that well. We've been together 4 years almost and while I'd have spent a good bit of time with her it's always very general Qs about work/tv etc that we'd talk about so we're not really close, although we did do the mini marathon together last year.

The reasons I wouldn't ask her are the morning of the wedding I don't want loads of faff - the fewer people to get ready the better. Also my best friend and I are really close - I'd be totally relaxed around her and she can make me laugh and relax whereas his sister I'd feel like I had to be on best behaviour - or watching out to make sure she was ok. Also part of me thought maybe she'd prefer to be in their house the morning of the wedding for the craic in their house as he's leaving from there and his mam will have a big brekkie and the neighbours in for a drink and stuff. And I'm totally un-bridezilla like... while I might prefer certain colours for bm dress for my best friend, the style of dress or where she wanted to buy it/what shoes to wear etc. doesn't bother me - but I think with 2 it gets more awkward. And my best friend wouldn't be very well at the moment so I'm happy to go with the flow, cancel shopping trips if she's not up to it etc whereas again, with 2 that's a lot harder esp if she's taken time off work...

Argh I don't know! As I said we're 3 weeks engaged, everyone knows I've asked my friend to be bm and I feel I have to decide soon. It's our engagement party/drinks on Sat night so if I'm going to ask I think I'd better ask her then rather than have it much later and make it look like I forgot or something. Any opinions?

Im a bloke and imho you should ask her , will really bring the two families together and bring a nice touch to the day , i got married last year and my wife asked my little sis to be one of her bridesmaids and i thought it was really cool even though she has lots of friends , For the pictures and the memories it will be worth it and will no doubt bring you both closer , it will also give you chief bridesmaid some company when at the top table and all the times you will not be beside her

The Lovely Muffin

Do what you want to do OP.

If you want her as a bridesmaid - ask her to be a bridemaid

If you don't want her as a bridesmaid - don't ask her to be a bridesmaid.

Your wedding day is about, your, your fiancee and your love for each other and absolutely no-one/nothing else.

If his family/wedding guests/whoever have a problem with your decision - then it's their problem, not yours.

You shouldn't have her as a bridesmaid just to make other people happy.

Forget about everyone else and do what you want and what makes you happy. If you do something that you don't want to do, then you may well end up regretting it after. Just because she is his only sister/sibling, that doesn't mean you have to have her as a BM.

What does your fiancee think? Have you any sisters (or brothers) yourself OP? Are they BMs/playing any part in the wedding?

You could ask her (his sister) to do a reading or something at the church?

ballsymchugh

to be honest, it sounds like you don't really want to ask her. so why go to the trouble?
when my sister got married, her sister in law to be wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid even though they were pretty good friends. as for bringing the families closer together, you're marrying someone. if that's not close enough then God knows what is.
don't feel that you're under a time limit to get things sorted either, anyone who has their wedding fully planned at the time of the engagement party must be the most efficient person ever.

iguana

It's absolutely up to you and you should do what you want. One thing other thing you might want to consider though is how many best/grooms men your partner is having? If he is just having one then nobody at all would expect you to have more than one either which would solve the problems of other people's expectations. But if he is having two or people you will get a lot of questions and 'suggestions' about how many you should have and who should do it.

seamus

iguana wrote: »

It's absolutely up to you and you should do what you want. One thing other thing you might want to consider though is how many best/grooms men your partner is having? If he is just having one then nobody at all would expect you to have more than one either which would solve the problems of other people's expectations. But if he is having two or people you will get a lot of questions and 'suggestions' about how many you should have and who should do it.

+1
This would be your primary concern. I had the exact reverse position. My wife had already decided how many bridesmaids she was going to have since she was 10 years old, which was one more than the number of brothers that I have. I had the choice of picking a good mate who wouldn't all that bothered anyway, or I could pick her brother who I didn't know that well, but we got along. If I didn't pick him, he would be the only member of both families who wasn't part of the wedding party. So picking him was a no-brainer.

It's hard to give any other suggestions without knowing the full details of your families and wedding setup.

Beruthiel

angeldelight wrote: »

I'd be honestly perfectly happy with just the one but it's more I'd be afraid her/their mam/everyone else would think it strange that I hadn't asked her?

I see no reason whatsoever why anyone would think it strange. And to be perfectly honest, who gives a toss what other people think?
If you start worrying about every little thing with regards to arranging your wedding, you are going to be one stressed out woman at the end of this.

You say you are perfectly happy just to have your friend, decision made.

LillyVanilli

It really sounds like youre happier just having your friend so unless your fiance is going to have more than 1 groomsman, just go with your friend. As others have said if he has 2 or more than family will try to "encourage" you to choose her. Its all about what you and your fiance want, people will have loads and loads of opinions though. Unless your husband wants you to choose her, or is having more than 1 groomsman, you dont have a problem. Congratulations too.

tinkerbell

dekbhoy wrote: »

Im a bloke and imho you should ask her , will really bring the two families together and bring a nice touch to the day , i got married last year and my wife asked my little sis to be one of her bridesmaids and i thought it was really cool even though she has lots of friends , For the pictures and the memories it will be worth it and will no doubt bring you both closer , it will also give you chief bridesmaid some company when at the top table and all the times you will not be beside her

I couldn't disagree more. There is no need to ask the sister to be a bridesmaid, no need whatsoever. A wedding day is about celebrating the union of the OP and her soon-to-be husband, not worrying about whether she is expected to ask the sister to be a bridesmaid, when she doesn't even want her to be one.

OP - you sound like you don't want her to be your bridesmaid, so it's simple as that - don't have her as bridesmaid. You barely know her as you said, and you already have your best friend, there is NO NEED to have another one just for the sake of it, no need whatsoever.

H8GHOTI

dekbhoy wrote: »

Im a bloke and imho you should ask her , will really bring the two families together and bring a nice touch to the day , i got married last year and my wife asked my little sis to be one of her bridesmaids and i thought it was really cool even though she has lots of friends , For the pictures and the memories it will be worth it and will no doubt bring you both closer , it will also give you chief bridesmaid some company when at the top table and all the times you will not be beside her

I couldn't agree more. Well said.

OP - Even though I agree with dekbhoy personally, it really does sound like you don't want to ask her & if that is the case then you probably shouldn't bother.

newtoboards

I asked my sister in law to bridesmaid and not only did it not bring the family together but it actually took the joy out of a part of the wedding preperations. I did it because I'd been bridesmaid at my sister in law's wedding and it was (in my opinion) a very kind gesture to be inclusive of both sides of the family.
So back to my sister in law, I rang her one evening, she was really excited when I asked and afterwards I was pretty pleased with myself but the next day around lunch time his mother rang and started eating him down the phone. Then the sister stopped talking to me because I'd offended her and didn't want her to wear something beautiful at the wedding and wanted to put her in sack (and that was just when she'd been asked and not when picking the actual dresses). Got blamed for pretty much everything and anything. The complaining went on and I hung up on her which wasn't the most mature thing I've ever done but I just didn't want to hear it. Picking the dresses was difficult, shoes even more so and hair and make up on the day was a joke. My sister did have her moments throughout the preperation but my sister in law took the biscuit. The night before the wedding I had to chauffeur her around the place when I should have been sitting at him having a nice rest for myself. At least with my own sister I could tell her where to get off when she was crazy but if I even looked sideways at the other one it just blew up in my face. It's over six months since my wedding and she's barely even said two words to me, and I've offered olive branch after olive branch to fix this. I regret that decision to be inclusive so much now and only did so to be kind and pay the kind gesture shown to me by my sister in law forward. So if you're doing so to just fill numbers then no definitely don't, those lovely photographs (and they are so beautiful) are not worth the heartache, stick with the one friend and save yourself some money on the dress etc.

Heineken Helen

I think a wedding is a great way to include people and celebrate the two families. I have actually asked people for their inputs and if there's anything they'd like. I realise that other people have dreams for my wedding too and, well since I don't really have many lol, I'm willing to take them on board if I like them. I've asked my two sister in laws to be bridesmaids bringing the number up to 5. They've been brilliant so far and really really helpful and I'm glad I asked. It obviously depends on you and your sister in law though. If you've always pictured it just you and your best friend all cosy like, well then three would be a crowd... or if your sil is someone who might get demanding and weird like in the post above, it's better to offend now and just never mention it. If you're all laid back though, I say go for it.

bubbles747

im asking his sister to do bridesmaid because id like to include her and also as she has no sisters of her own and may not be getting the chance to be bridesmaid again. i like the her too and i think its a nice touch.

Chinafoot

newtoboards wrote: »

I asked my sister in law to bridesmaid and not only did it not bring the family together but it actually took the joy out of a part of the wedding preperations. I did it because I'd been bridesmaid at my sister in law's wedding and it was (in my opinion) a very kind gesture to be inclusive of both sides of the family.
So back to my sister in law, I rang her one evening, she was really excited when I asked and afterwards I was pretty pleased with myself but the next day around lunch time his mother rang and started eating him down the phone. Then the sister stopped talking to me because I'd offended her and didn't want her to wear something beautiful at the wedding and wanted to put her in sack (and that was just when she'd been asked and not when picking the actual dresses). Got blamed for pretty much everything and anything. The complaining went on and I hung up on her which wasn't the most mature thing I've ever done but I just didn't want to hear it. Picking the dresses was difficult, shoes even more so and hair and make up on the day was a joke. My sister did have her moments throughout the preperation but my sister in law took the biscuit. The night before the wedding I had to chauffeur her around the place when I should have been sitting at him having a nice rest for myself. At least with my own sister I could tell her where to get off when she was crazy but if I even looked sideways at the other one it just blew up in my face. It's over six months since my wedding and she's barely even said two words to me, and I've offered olive branch after olive branch to fix this. I regret that decision to be inclusive so much now and only did so to be kind and pay the kind gesture shown to me by my sister in law forward. So if you're doing so to just fill numbers then no definitely don't, those lovely photographs (and they are so beautiful) are not worth the heartache, stick with the one friend and save yourself some money on the dress etc.

From the sounds of that, you would have been treated as just as badly if you didn't ask her. Muppets.

OP, its your day and you should ask or not ask who you want.

psycho-hope

its really up to you OP. if you are close to her then it would be nice if not it could just end up being a bit weird. if my oh ever prosposed i would ask his sister, but then again ive no brothers or sisters and the chances of gettin my 2 best friends to wear dresses are somewhere between slim and none:rolleyes: