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I am deceiving my boyfriend

  • 09-06-2010 03:04PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    I'll try to be short.
    I'm with my boyfriend 3 years and I truly really do love him. We meet in 1st yr in college and for the most part it’s been a great relationship, bar the usual ups and downs. We took a break for a few months last year and I was heartbroken.
    Anyway, last year I moved to Dublin for a job and he stayed at home (W.Ireland). We saw each other most weekends.

    However, when in Dublin, I would go out with friends and usually get very drunk! And I would let guys chat me up I would even flirt back. I did enjoy it. My bf is a very man's sort of man and he doesn't complement me very often, in fact it is usually criticism I get from him if I'm honest, but not in a really harsh way or anything.

    We’re going travelling in South America for a few months then moving to Canada. I never ‘actually’ cheated but I did things that if he did I know I would be upset about. Including going back to a house party with a guy I had just meet, very I know as much dangerous as it was stupid. Am I deluding myself that I only let this behaviour go on in his absence because I was lonely? And that everything will be fine when we go away?


Comments

  • #2
    Curl52
    Closed Accounts Posts: 49 ✭Curl52


    I don't think you are deceiving your boyfriend in an obvious sense as you didnt actually cheat however I do think you were skating on thin ice. You sound like you enjoy the excitement and the chase. While there is nothing wrong with having a flirt you are leading a guy on going back to a house party with him.

    To me it sounds like you like the attention you don't get from your boyfriend. If all you get is criticism are you really happy with your boyfriend?? There seems to be underlying issues here. When you go travelling you will be with him continuously so this might heighten any problems you already have.
    It is a huge commitment to move to Canada and leave behind all your family and friends. It will be very lonely if you start having problems with your boyfriend, you won't have the luxury of going to Dublin for a bit of fun and flirting. So you would want to be 100% committed to him before you go.


  • #3
    vicecreamsundae
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 793 ✭✭✭vicecreamsundae


    i think it's good that you at least see that you wouldn't be happy if he had been behaving the way you have. but i also think that because you haven't actually cheated you don't need to feel guilty. if you're at different ends of the country, i don't think there's any need to tell him anytime you get chatted up when you're out. there's honesty, and then there's just rubbing someone's face in the fact you're doing you're own thing.

    i think you have a point, that maybe you were just flirting with other people because you were lonely and he wasn't around. after all, you never let it go any further.
    do you think by going travelling with him you're going to 'miss' being chatted up by new guys etc? if so, then there's an issue, but if you're just looking forward to getting to spend a lot more time with him, i wouldn't worry about it.

    then again, the fact you're even posting about it here might suggest the former?


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