Really need help with life

LegacyUser

Well I'm a 18 year old guy. I suppose I have never had a happy life. I've always hated myself. I have one bother and one sister. Well I suppose my problems started off from being a kid. I grew up in a house that was really untidy. My dad u set keep nearly evert newspaper he could. He u set also go around to rubbish skips looking for things he considered useful. I was ashamed of my house and still am! I have never had a friend over in life. Now this story still goes on. I was bullied all the ways through primary school about the way I looked and the way I sounded. this continued all the ways through secondary school. I hated school so much. Once my books were pissed on! I got called names and bullied and I had a very unhappy time. This was due to me being gay. I never came out and still haven't. I don't really have any close friends.
I slept in my parents bed until I was 12 because I wasn't given a bed. I had no other option. I was also sexually abused by my brother! I am a gay guy who doesn't want to be. I hate who I am! I like nothing about myself. I really hate myself and often think about ending my own life. The only thing that keeps me from it is known that I would hurt my mother so much. What should I do?

johanz

Suicide is easy way out.

Get a job, rent your own place and slowly start living on your own.
I am in a similar situation, except my parents are very nice and I have no siblings. But yeah I was bullied quite a lot. So much actually I left school and moved to ireland, heh.

There really isn't any other option I think, since you're 18.

Believe me, if you get independent you will never regret it. Main thing is to get your own apartment or rent a room with some strangers.

LegacyUser

Hi op, you sound like a lovely person:) I think you need to work through these traumatic experiences so you can move on with your life, please talk to someone and get the help that you deserve, best of luck with everything:)

Denimgirl

I'm sorry to hear you went through all of this OP,but the great news is your 18 and things are going to get better now your not a minor and you don't have to stay in that house,Are you on the dole at the moment?I know it's tough to get a job at the moment but keep trying try everywhere in the mean time get some counciling get a medical card from the social what has happened in your life so far is not your fault but from now on take charge of your own life and start taking action on getting out of this situation it won't be too difficult and your gonna be a much happier person! so what if your gay if thats who you are be proud of it!It's nothing to be ashamed of at all.you'll be a much stronger person after this!Good Luck!xxx

Sparki

Sorry to hear about the bullying etc, honestly sounds very tough so fair play to you for reaching out and looking for help.

As the other posters have mentioned you are young, and basically you have your whole life ahead of you. Yopu have had a tough start but these things really shape you as a person, give you backbone and i truly believe that you can come out the other side a really strong person...


Just look at the people who bullied you as motivation to try and turn your life around and you will show them Honestly karma comes round to bite everyone in the ass so they won't get away with it.

I once heard good advice from a friend who was having a bit of a life crisis. She wrote down on a piece of paper everything that she hated about her life: no job, lived with her parents, no boyf etc. And she gave herself a time limit to try and reach each of the goals seperately. 2 years on and from what i can see she is far happier. She may not have accomplished everything on the list yet, but she will get there and so will you OP you sound like a lovely person. Good luck

vonnie10

OP all i can say is that you have no reason to hate yourself, from your post you seem like such a nice chap that has had it so tough, you have been really strong and so for that you should give yourself a pat on the back. It takes a very resilient character to get through all that you have so be very proud of yourself you are clearly a very strong individual.

magneticimpulse

Hi OP,
Are you going to college/university? As you could get free advice there/counceling. I definitely say number one is to get counceling...as this is alot to deal with. You definitely need to have advice about being raped by your brother. Also, maybe you should go down the legal road to have something done about it? Again, you would need to talk to somebody professional about this.

Your life is beginning and it is what you make of it. Im not sure if you are in the same city/town as you grew up, but you definitely cant be living at your parents...it doesnt sound healthy at the moment to rebuild your life. One of my best friends parents recently seperated as her dad did the same with collecting newspapers etc. Its not your fault at all. Maybe your dad could talk to counceling about it? Why he does this?

Unfortunately you cant change the past about the bullying, but the bullies most likely felt unsecure about themselves and picked on you to make themselves feel better. You prob will never see these people again, so I wont get angry over it.

Are you gay? If so, there is nothing wrong with that either. i have had experiences with females and alot of male friends are gay. In fact in took one friend 12 years to tell me....and I just wish he came out sooner...as he is a best friend and I like him either way. Its much easier for people to come out these days. I was at Gay Pride in my city on Saturday and it was the best night out i ever had. The men were all really nice to me, despite standing on their feet by accident or getting pushed into them. People were just so polite and friendly. And they accepted me and friends...even thou we were straight and gate crashing a gay pride night. lol.

Anyway you will be fine. You just need to talk to someone. And get out there and meet people. meetup.com is very good to get out. When I went counceling, it was one of the 1st things suggested to me...to get back into a routine and enjoy life.

magneticimpulse

You said you were also bullied because you were gay (but never came out). Either way, I think being called gay is the most common things bullies say to hurt people. They were always calling me gay....even thou im not, but its just one of many things which gets you down and an easy bully tactic. Like others have said, you come across as a really nice genuine guy....so you have so much to live for. Can you safe for a holiday, take a break somewhere? Even if its in Ireland...sounds like you could do with a good travel break as well to clear your mind.