Mother has alcohol problem?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this

I'm a 19 year old guy who lives at home with his mother (parents divorced last 12 years), and three siblings (older brother, younger brother and younger sister). My elder sister lives from home, I am a middle child of 5. Anyway, in the last year or so I realise my mother has been drinking quite excessively, at first it was a glass or two at weekend, which is perfectly fine. It's now come down to bottles a day

I first noticed it bad when she had the smell on her, and in her room. I was embarrassed to bring friends to the house or anything similar. Accompanied with this drinking was an increased laziness, my mother was asleep a lot, doesn't do anything at all these days apart from sleep when she comes home from work. Her behaviour is also very strange lately too. My mother recently received a job promotion which in turn led to an increased wage. She keeps on saying she hasn't got her increase yet (she's been working the new job for months now), but I know she has, as I seen one of her paychecks. She has obviously been spending it on drink

My first thought was to tell someone so I told my father. I am the only person who talks to my father and not anyone else in my family has time for him/likes him. If people were to find out about me telling my father it would be a worse problem than the problem at hand itself! So, he said I should talk to my older sister, who I am close to. So I did, and told her everything, but she didn't do anything. She was even at home the other day and did nothing

My older brother recently had a falling out with my mother and he rarely comes home, so I'm the eldest at home now. He is moving out soon anyway. I can't take it anymore, all she does is drink and drink some more, I could honestly say 2-3 bottles a day, so about 15 a week. She is always either tipsy or drunk and the smell is unbearable, and she acts so weird when she is drunk. She doesn't talk to us or make meals anymore. There is rarely food in the house. She is always asleep if we try and approach her she always walks away.

Being the mature person I believe I am, I helped out at home like I always did and cleaned up when I could, made some food for my brother and sister and told whoever I could. It's so sad because everyday I stay in my room and don't want to leave, there's nothing there for me, I'm so sick of this house and my mother and her addictive drinking. It's always so depressing in the house and I can't bring my friends around. If people find out I told my father it's all going to crash down on top of me so regardless I'm going to be hated on =[

Elle Collins

This is the number of the general service office of Alcoholics Anonymous: 01-8420700

What you need to do is call that number and get directions to their offices in Santry business park. Drive out there and buy a copy of what they call 'The Big Book'. Go back to your mothers house and put it under her nose. Tell her she is an alcoholic and this is the only help there is for her, and you will not be around until she chooses to help herself.

You need to stand firmly by that assertion. It's called tough love and your mother really needs it right now. I wish you the very best of luck.

Uriel.

Hi,

This can be a very very difficult situation to deal with. When you say bottles, is it wine, or harder liquer?

Does she be drunk and what kind of a drunk is she - aggressive etc...

Sorry, so far more questions than answers but they are important in how you might deal with this.

One ray of light so far that I see is that at least it hasn't affected her ability to work but unfortunately, eventually down the road it will become an issue for her.

Do you know of any particular event or occurence that may have acted as the catalyst to start all this - if she had never been like this previously then there must be some sort of trigger there. While you might see drinking as the problem it may be a behaviour born out of an event that occured in the last while - the fallout of the event is what most likely needs a solution rather than solely tackling the drinking as a standalone issue.

You sound like you are close to your mother, have you spoken to her about this? If she is the kind of person (and your relationship allows it) that can sit down and discuss the problems with you, would you be willing to take the first step in trying to bring the problem out in the open. Usually with an addiction, acknowledging the problem is key (but also as I said above addressing the source of the problem is extremely important).

Irrespective of how good your relationship is with your mother, this will be a very big task for you and it won't be easy. Alcoholics can be volatile, aggressive, cunning etc.. If you decide to tackle this problem - make sure you confide with a close family member and/or a friend before hand. You will also need a lot of support going forward. Down the road, AA, your (mother's) GP and even a psychotherapist are all services that you should look to avail of for professional help.

Best of luck.

Uriel.

Elle Collins wrote: »

This is the number of the general service office of Alcoholics Anonymous: 01-8420700

What you need to do is call that number and get directions to their offices in Santry business park. Drive out there and buy a copy of what they call 'The Big Book'. Go back to your mothers house and put it under her nose. Tell her she is an alcoholic and this is the only help there is for her, and you will not be around until she chooses to help herself.

You need to stand firmly by that assertion. It's called tough love and your mother really needs it right now. I wish you the very best of luck.

I don't agree with this as a first step.

It appears the drinking problem is fairly new (not a pattern of years of addictive behaviour). There is some underlying problem that has caused this behaviour to start. It is very early days in the addiction process here and the underlying problem needs to be tackled as much (if not more) as the behavioural results of it.

Simply abandoning his mother to deal with the problem on her own is likely to cause more damage than it is to help for now. AA is not the only help either. As I've said there is some psychological issue that has suddenly caused this behaviour to start - lonliness, stress of new work etc... Health services, psychotherapy etc may at be as important as AA in resolving the matter. If there is an underlying issue (psychological etc...) then AA may not solve her problem long-term.