Have bf but met this other guy???????

LegacyUser

I've been dating this guy for the last 4months but we're only officially going out for the last two months. He's great, down to earth, funny, kind, considerate, can have serious or funny conversation with him, basically all's been going great. I feel really strongly about him and haven't felt this close to and haven’t felt such a strong connection with a guy in ages.

So now to the bad part. My bf was at a stag party all weekend and so I was out on Friday night and I met this guy out, was having a laugh with him for most of the night and so he asked for my number. I was drunk so I gave him my number but I didn't kiss him so that was that, until I got text that night asking did i get home ok. So I was texting him all the following day just general chit-chat. Yes I did think about my bf before I even got chatting to him but I think I just got carried away and that’s why I gave him my number.

As I said earlier, I felt really great about my new bf and although its early days I know I feel something for him but when I was texting the other guy I completly forgot about my bf, I suppose I got carried away with this other guy I met and the excitement of meeting someone new and getting to know them etc.

I feel really bad though and I feel like I've betrayed my boyfriend (which I have with my deceit by texting this other guy). I've since deleted the other guys number and have not been in contact with him since depsite receiving numerous messages from him asking how I am, is everything alright etc.

I’ve deceived my bf by letting it go as far as it did with this other guy, giving him my number and then texting him.

Should I tell my bf about this? Will this ruin everything if I do?

Thanks for all your advice

Miss Fluff

You need to text the guy once and once only and tell him you have a boyfriend and please not to contact you again. Don't engage him any further. By not doing so he may just continue to attempt contact and you could end up getting a late-night phone call when with your bf, that would raise all sorts of questions....

You don't need to tell your boyfriend although I'd question how rosy everything in the garden is if by your own admission he didn't even enter your head when you were texting another bloke.....

katie99

I would question your commitment and state of relationship with your boyfriend.
If you can 'forget' your bf so easily, then I would ask you for an honest appraisal of your relationship with him.
Remember one thing. You must assume ALL responsibility for flirting with the other chap. It was not his fault. You encouraged him and no amount of excuses for too much drink gets you off the hook.
The other guy deserves an explanation from you for your selfish behaviour. Do contact him and tell him the truth. He won't thank you for it, but at least he will not have got in too deeply with your flirtatious behaviour.
Yes you have deceived your bf by allowing yourself be chatted up and giving out your number. And you have deceived him by texting the other guy.
However, I wouldn't tell your bf unless. You know what, if you do tell him or if he finds out he will never trust you 100% again. Ever.
The main piece of advice I offer you is to ask yourself how much you really like your bf if your head can be turned by another bloke so easily.
So deep soul searching is required.

G-Money

I agree with the two previous posts. This other guy doesn't know you have a bf because you didn't tell him so any fallout over this is unfortunately 100% your fault. It's not his job to become Sherlock Holmes and start investigating to see if you have a bf. If he contacts you again, you need to let him know you have a bf and put an end to it. The longer you leave it, the worse it will be. And even if you don't kiss him or something, the fact that you don't tell him you have a bf sort of suggests you don't want to admit that. Which would suggest that for whatever reason, you are not happy.

Having said that, that's only really if you keep putting off telling him you have a bf.

As others have said, the fact that you forgot all about your bf at the drop of a hat doesn't exactly say great things about your relationship or your feelings for him.

I remember being out one night and I met this girl and I could tell she was into me. However at the time, my head was messed up by this other girl that I liked. Me and this other girl weren't a couple, even though I wanted to be and even though she'd said I should go after other girls, when I did, I felt like I was cheating on her. I still vividly remember talking to this girl in the bar and this other girl I liked popped into my head, and I felt bad and it totally messed me up. I felt like I was cheating on her, even though I wasn't. How f*****d up is that?

My point is that night, I'd been drinking although I wasn't wasted, but even then, someone else I liked was still able to pop into my head and stop things from happening.

How would you feel if your bf went out tonight, gave his number to some girl, started chatting away to her via text and never once mentioned to her that he had a gf and not once thought about you when doing it? I'm pretty sure you'd be well p******d off.

Put an end to it with this new guy before it starts. Any further delay in telling him you have a bf is really just leading him along.

And as others have said, I'd suggest you have a think about why you so quickly and easily forgot about your bf and why you gave your number to someone else.

All the best.

fungun

Ive only ever got carried away like that when sth was missing from my relationship.

" He's great, down to earth, funny, kind, considerate, can have serious or funny conversation with him, basically all's been going great. I feel really strongly about him and haven't felt this close to and haven’t felt such a strong connection with a guy in ages. "

^^^ to me sounds like you really really like this guy and feel connected to him but sth is missing. If the first thing I was described as was "down to earth" Id be worried!!! Does he not compliment you or sth such that you felt very flattered by being complimented by this other guy?

Think about your reln and try to understand this. Tell your bf? It depends. If you want a reln where you never hide anything, then do....otherwise even this small betrayal could eat you up inside. Thats what I would do, but depends on the person and how you deal with things.

LighterGuy

We all agree so far that what you did is wrong - which it is. I would be very p*ssed if any person I am dating does this to me. As we all would.
Users have raised a very good question above - just how into your bf are you if you did this. This is something you have to question. Because depending on the answer you might do this again.
Only you know if you really like your bf, and this was a stupid once off thing. Or you really arent into your bf that much. Which means you WILL do this again, or more. Which isnt fair to him.

So op you have to have a long think about this.




- As for telling him, here is the weird situation. I would want to be told about something like this if I was the bf. The problem is it will create a problem. It will throw trust in the air. No matter what the BF says after he has cooled down. It will.
- If you dont, thats another bad road. Once we hold back one thing from our partners, it always happens again. Its human behavior. When faced with being honest again over something else, because of our previous lie, we tend to lie again. And thats not fair on him.

Personally I think your action next will be the tell tale sign of how into your BF you are. If you dont tell him, its a major signal that you aint really that into him. But like being in a relationship. (in other words, being with someone because it beats being single, or "he is alright" - sadly in these relationships when one half isnt that into it. It always ends bad)

Bottle_of_Smoke

Don't tell him. Don't contact the new guy anymore.

kjl

Well there is nothing wrong with talking to someone new, the question is do you fancy the new guy?

LighterGuy

kjl wrote: »

Well there is nothing wrong with talking to someone new, the question is do you fancy the new guy?

She obviously fancied the guy. Hence why she feels bad. He is not a "new friend"

Thats one thing I will always hate, and quite frankly think is a piece of bulls*it ... and that is when your in a relationship and there is more to a new "friendship" - yes in a relationship a person can make new friends of the opposite sex. But I think the world "friend" gets thrown around too much to hide certain things.

The Op in question feels guilty about that she has done. Sounds like she is a decent person. But I think that this thread is a good example to keep an eye on "new friends" any GF may have.