stop being treated as a child

sarah 2009

hi everyone,
I'm 17 and sick of being treated like a 15year old be my parents and family. Its my 18th birthday in the next few months and i can wait to finally be able to go out and all that because i'v never done it before. its not that my parents stopped me ive never wanted to but not i want to.

I know my parents arent going to like me going out. how do i show them im not a baby that needs to be protected. i got a job through connections and im working now but they still dont value my opinions and treat me the same as my 15 year old sister.

And my aunts and uncles refer to my sister and I as the kids even though im 18 in 4 months but my older brother who is 21 isn't known as a baby. i know it probably has something to do with how i act but what way should i act to make them not see me as a child???? In the summer when we go to visit them i know its going to be the same as usual how do i show them im not a baby??

omahaid

Moving out worked for me, left home at 18 and got a place of my own. Can you move out OP?

sarah 2009

no i have leaving cert next year so another year in the house:(

LegacyUser

With your parents, you need to build up a trust of sorts with them, especially if you're still living under their roof, they still unfortunately have their set of rules to live by. However, if you show them you can be trusted (eg I'm heading to whatever pub, then onto X nightclub, and I'll be home by 1am, possibly a bit tipsy, but not hammered drunk) and-this is very important-stick to your word! Be home by 1.

On a day to day level, think about what you're saying to your parents, and how they're going to react to what you say. I used to fight with my parents all the time when I was younger, but as I got older, I realised I was saying an awful lot of stuff that I knew would annoy them, or that would get a rise out of them. Now that you're working, talk about work, the responsibilities you've been given at work etc. If you feel you're going to get cheeky back to them, stop yourself from making the remarks, and let your parents have their rant. Use the old bargaining tools of not shouting back, keeping your voice calm, and if all else fails, quietly saying "look, can we talk about this again when we've both calmed down a bit?" It will probably annoy them the first few times, but once they get used to the fact that you're not trying to be cheeky or do their head in, it should work.

With the Aunts & Uncles, that never seems to change-I'm still referred to as the wee girl, even though I'm 27! It's an older generation thing, and definitely us girls seem to stay younger in their eyes than the lads. It's a case of letting them know that while you know you're not still a baby, you also know you're not still a mature adult (and I don't mean that in a condescending way, I mean in it a they've-probably-been-around-for-at-least-40-years and have wee bit more life experience than you.) My Aunts & Uncles still won't let me buy them drinks at family nights out, even though I've been working for years & have the money-they still see me as the baby, and sure why should the baby be paying for drinks?!

One other thing, sometimes it's hard for parents to accept the fact that their little girl is growing up, and finally becoming an adult who has a job with responsibilities, and who has her own life, so try and think of that too next time they're doing your head in-they still see this little toddler who they helped learn how to walk, the excited 8 year old at some family do, the teenage girl who started secondary school etc. If they get upset about you doing something, it's usually from a place of love. Find out their fears, and figure out how to talk them round to your point of view.

Either way, good luck with it!xx

jamesr123

omahaid wrote: »

Moving out worked for me, left home at 18 and got a place of my own.

I would love to move out but just havnt got the money:D I can never understand how someone my age can find that kind of money to move out.

Op, I know exactly what you are going through and it is very frustrating, Even now if I am out any later than 11 I get a phone call to get home it really is the worst..:mad::mad::mad:

prinz

sarah 2009 wrote: »

hi everyone,
I'm 17 and sick of being treated like a 15year old be my parents and family.

I though this was going to be someone like a 25 year old or so. Trust me OP now matter how old or grown up you feel now, the next 5 years or so will be the making of you tbh.

sarah 2009 wrote: »

I know my parents arent going to like me going out. how do i show them im not a baby that needs to be protected..

I am 25, married, living with my wife in our own place, decent enough job etc and my parents are still protective of me. Trust me, it's never going to go away completely. No matter how old you get you will always be their baby. The relationship change is gradual, how you act, the things you do and say will all have an impact over how much protection they feel you need. You need to take an active approach to this.

If you are on a night out you call them, rather than waiting for them to call you. You say you will be home at x o'clock and do it, rather than waiting for them to ask/tell you what time to be home. Over time when they see how responsible and trustworthy you are their stance should ease. It's not only up to them to change, it's also about you changing yourself and changing their opinion of you.

sarah 2009 wrote: »

i know it probably has something to do with how i act but what way should i act to make them not see me as a child???? In the summer when we go to visit them i know its going to be the same as usual how do i show them im not a baby??

Act like an adult. One of the ways you can do this is acknowledging that you still have a lot to learn and a lot of maturing to do.

jamesr123 wrote: »

Op, I know exactly what you are going through and it is very frustrating, Even now if I am out any later than 11 I get a phone call to get home it really is the worst..:mad::mad::mad:

A few years from now you will meet people who had very different parents and you'll come to realise they were far, far from the worst.

source

OP I'm 27 and have a decent job, I live with my girlfriend and we're about to buy our first house. I'm doing well. My parents still, and always will see me as their child. My Aunts and Uncles still see me as my parents child.

I'll let you in on a secret, It's because that's what I am. No matter how old I grow I will always be my parents son, and they will always treat me as such. As you grow older your relationship with your parents will change, but personally I don't believe that I was all that different at 17 than I was at 15. When you hit your 20's and on then you'll start to see a difference.