If I'm not sure... I should leave?

LegacyUser

OK...

I have been with a guy (i'm a guy too) for nearly seven months. This particular guy is very good looking, smart, funny, we both get on very well. I was attracted to him when I met him but never thought it would develop into anything further than a few dates or something like that. I'm 23 and he's 20. I'm finished college now, working away and he's just done his first year. While I'm still studying for a HDip part-time and working, he's enjoying his first year. Fine and dandy. He begins to get more attached, and so do I. Felt like i could tell him everything but that in a way, I still wasn't that pushed by him. When I'm with him I get reminded why I like him but when I'm away from him I don't miss him, and when I'm with my friends I barely mention him. Is that weird? Anyway, near the beginning of our relationship I was diagnosed with depression. I decided to take the therapy rather than med route and have been doing A LOT better these days. It's a situational depression due to a family break down. I feel like I leant on my boyfriend but always felt like the older partner in the relationship, the one in charge, and felt like he was great at making me feel better adn more secure but also felt that i needed someone older than me.. more protective of me??

Anyway, i just went on vacation for a few days and came back. Over the vacation I realised i didn't miss him again... Only at times when I felt depressed and wanted him to lean on.

I feel like I'm wasting the few years I've left of my youth on this guy. I know i'm not ancient but I still wanna pull and be with other people... but I feel bad for breaking up a relationship that has been good for me. I'm also paranoid the depression will come back if i decide to end things.

What do you all think?

D

Denimgirl

Well D you can't have everything!being with an older does'nt necessary mean he'll be a stronger person to cope with someones problems, your bf sounds like a lovely guy 3 years is not a big age difference!I think you maybe taking this guy for granted and confusing his kindness towards you as weakness! and you seem to be needing him as a crutch when your down for him to lift your spirits again.I know your young and want to play the field but just remember you may not meet another guy like this again either and he may never give you a second chance if you realise you made a mistake.think about it carefully and realistically

m@cc@

unregistered wrote: »

I feel like I'm wasting the few years I've left of my youth on this guy. I know i'm not ancient but I still wanna pull and be with other people... but I feel bad for breaking up a relationship that has been good for me. I'm also paranoid the depression will come back if i decide to end things.

Do you love him or at least feel like you could love him? The language that you're using in your post doesn't sound like someone who's into the relationship. Having him there as an emotional crutch is not fair on either of yous.

LegacyUser

it's the OP here. thanks for your replies! no this guy really is a saint. he's so nice, it's unbelievable. but too nice... as in another guy tried it on with me pretty agressively. this guy is a mutual friend of ours and his actions were out of line and pretty upsetting. i felt like i was the one who had to sort it out when i wanted him to take the lead and tell him to back off to protect me?? i dunno... just how i felt about the situation.

my boyfriend truly is amazing, but there is something there. like i just want to be single too? but i don't want to break up with him because i consciously know how good he is... but there is this niggle where i just want to be by myself, deal with my depression on my own, and do whatever i want on a daily basis. he does stress me out sometimes, like all couples do, but i just feel like it's a stress/ pressure i shouldn't be dealing with right now... if that makes sense.

sorry guys, i'm a big fked up, and i just don't know what i'm doing anymore. my depression is definitely getting better on the upside.

stackerman

Sorry OP, I dont want to be harsh, but I think you know what to do.

Time to move on me thinks

theredletter

Definitely would consider moving on... If you have doubts at all you obviously don't feel the same way he feels about you. Also, from what I know of depression I think avoiding acts that are considered 'depressing' is a bit unhealthy.. Ya gotta live dude!

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I think a boyfriend is, and should be, someone you fancy the pants off - it's not about what they do for you. From your posts it sounds like the only reason you haven't ended things already is because you think you really should want someone like him more than you do - but the truth is; if you don't then there is no point in continuing. You can't help who you fall for, nor who you don't, it doesn't matter how many good points they have.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

you sound very confused at the moment, which is understandable, as you had been diagnosed with depression, and you probably do/did rely on your partner, which is what happens in relationships. When you are with someone long term ( I know you havent been with him long) but when you are, you do end up being there through the rough and good times.
But like you said you felt almost free when you were away, and you probably were feeling better in yourself, then you come home, and realise you didnt miss him, but should have...

I have been in this situation, and I know how you feel, but this guy sounds so nice and good, you need to have a break. You obviously still have feelings for him, so maybe dont end it completely, just take some time on your own...and be gentle with him, tell him you love and care for him, but need space right now...you both will appreciate it in the long run...
Dont do what I did, just ended in, getting back, then ending it...and hurting someone in the process...and remember the grass isnt always greener...

you need some space right now, so take it...best of luck.


it's the OP here. thanks for your replies! no this guy really is a saint. he's so nice, it's unbelievable. but too nice... as in another guy tried it on with me pretty agressively. this guy is a mutual friend of ours and his actions were out of line and pretty upsetting. i felt like i was the one who had to sort it out when i wanted him to take the lead and tell him to back off to protect me?? i dunno... just how i felt about the situation.

my boyfriend truly is amazing, but there is something there. like i just want to be single too? but i don't want to break up with him because i consciously know how good he is... but there is this niggle where i just want to be by myself, deal with my depression on my own, and do whatever i want on a daily basis. he does stress me out sometimes, like all couples do, but i just feel like it's a stress/ pressure i shouldn't be dealing with right now... if that makes sense.

sorry guys, i'm a big fked up, and i just don't know what i'm doing anymore. my depression is definitely getting better on the upside.

Bellablue

Hi,

As someone who's seeing things from your boyfriend's side (See my post further down about my husband) my advice would be whatever you do, please, please don't leave him hanging if you are not sure.

I've been with my partner 12 years and am now in the situation where he has left me, after saying that he's not sure if we should ever have gotten married (we're married nearly 4 years). He also did not bring up the subject when he first started to doubt his feelings for me. Our situation was reversed in that I suffered from depression and anxiety which contributed to him feeling that he was "afraid" to leave me.

I was devastated when I first heard the news but then angry that he let us continue for so long when he knew it was not right. Trust me, the longer it goes on the harder it will become. And if you do decide to just "take a break", make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and not just using it as a way to let him down lightly, because it doesn't work! :rolleyes:

It's not easy but sometimes if it's just not there you need to say it, because in the end it will be the best for all involved.

Take care
Bella