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What is expected of people when married?

  • 07-06-2010 9:28pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,407 ✭✭✭


    This post has been deleted.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 636 ✭✭✭Heineken Helen


    Baby4 wrote: »
    This post has been deleted.

    :o I don't plan on behaving any differently. I'm guessing goals will change though, babies could replace holidays as the big excitement.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 446 ✭✭Lillylilly


    I wouldn't expect my partner to change at all. And I won't be changing! I'll still be having girlie holidays and he'll still be having lad's sessions. The real changes happen when you have kids and all your own time goes out the window!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 314 ✭✭LashingLady


    I now call my other half "my husband" now that we are married! That would be the long and short of it really.

    We got married last year at age 30 after 11 years going out together and we had a one-year-old when we got married. I would say that our relationship naturally "matured" along its lifetime but we certainly didn't make any changes after we got married. After we had the baby then a lot more consideration was given to sharing household duties and getting "breaks".

    I would say though that for people who haven't been going out a long time or living together before they get married then there might be some things that are expected that would be a change. For example if finances are going to be shared for the first time then you might need to get used to having a discussion before making any big purchases. Also, early in our relationship (like when we were in our early 20's) we would have managed our own social lives and gone on a good few holidays seperately. Nowadays I wouldn't be telling my hubby on Saturday afternoon that I'm going out that night or vice versa as all social events have to be planned pretty far in advance, but I would attribute that to having a child rather than being married.

    But I don't think that a man and woman should necessarily behave any differently when married as opposed to being older and in a more mature relationship. Unless of course they think that it is acceptable behaviour to flirt outrageously with members of the opposite sex and go on wild weekend benders without their other half just because they are "not married"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,072 ✭✭✭SeekUp


    I would agree that the way two people behave shouldn't change when they get married. I do think, however, that there are certain . . . societal expectations of what a "good" wife and what a "good" husband do; what they do for the household and for each other. I'd like to think that most of us in this generation are somewhat exempt from thinking like that, but the stereotypes still exist, and I think it's important to be aware of them when looking at our own relationship/marriage and deciding what works best for us and our partners.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Einstein


    I told my gf (now wifey) that nothing should ever change! People are so judgemental though, I work crazy hours, come back late, stay in bed late etc etc, her friends have no trouble thinking i'm a crap husband...

    I dislike judgemental people immensely...


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭Kooli


    I think that after marriage, your relationship with your partner becomes the primary 'unit' in your life.
    Before that it can come behind the 'me and my mates' unit or the 'me and my own family' unit, but after marriage, 'me and himself' comes first. It's me and himself against the world!!

    I got a shock the other day when I went to fill out the 'next of kin' details on my new passport - automatically went to fill out my mum's details and then realised that my hubbie-to-be is the name that should be there now!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,512 ✭✭✭Oh_Noes


    The man is required to gain a beer gut, go bald, lose all enthusiasm he once had for life.

    The woman is required to morph into her mother.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,398 ✭✭✭whatdoicare


    The only changes that happened to me and my hubby were we had to buy a press to put all the useless crystal in and now everyone asks us constantly when we're planning on having kiddies.
    People also now think they can tell us what we have to do- ie we HAVE to have more than one child, we HAVE to cut down on holidays (y'know, that one holiday we sometimes get a year), we HAVE to make a regular day to visit parents blah blah blah
    In reality what we did was none of those things. We are still living exactly as we were before we got married. Quite happily, mind you. :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,479 ✭✭✭catho_monster


    Thats funny, I was only just thinking about this as we're getting married pretty soon.
    One of my cousins just made a dig the other day about my eating habits suggesting I'm pregnant - and I thought - hold on a second, when did it become ok for people to start making pregnancy jokes about me? When did that suddenly become appropriate? Just because I'm getting married doesnt mean I suddenly want to turn myself into a baby making machine.
    I intend on changing nothing when we get married. Not even my name. I want to spend the rest of my life with someone who rocks my world - I dont see what anything should change just because I stand up one day and make a vow to do just that in front of my friends and family. Thats just ridiculous to me.
    Of course things will change at some point during the next 60odd years together, we'll change, develop as people, develop as a couple, but I'll be damned if I superficially wake up one day and go "hey, dude, we're married now, we'd better ... now."


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