Partners of sex addicts

StarryMoon0

Is there anyone out there dealing with this?
Either you've found out, or your partner made a disclosure... and now your trying to make sense of it all..

Basically I'm in this position and just trying to reach out to somebody...anybody. There is no support out there for the partners. There is a 12 step fellowship for the addict, and i am told there is one for partners in the works. Thats not a lot of comfort in the darkest period in your life.

I'm not looking for a "i hate my other half" **tch session. Just thought I'd see if there's anyone else trying to make sense of it all, trying to find thier way..

theredletter

If it's like any other addiction; drugs, alcohol or gambling then you're just going to have to be strong and try to support. If your partner has admitted his/her addiction then you should try and forgive them and support them. They will come out a better person at the end, and so will you. Take care of yourself x

S23

I've not been in the position of being a partner of a sex addict but a quick goolge search turned up these sites

http://www.csa-addictions.ie/

http://www.sauk.org/

Try and follow the trail from there I would reckon. You may well find a poster on here that can help you out but you are likely to be just as well served going to these specialised sites and looking for support from there.

StarryMoon0

theredletter wrote: »

If it's like any other addiction; drugs, alcohol or gambling then you're just going to have to be strong and try to support. If your partner has admitted his/her addiction then you should try and forgive them and support them. They will come out a better person at the end, and so will you. Take care of yourself x

Thanks, this I do know though.
I'm past the wanting to kill him bit..and am trying to deal with the facts.
Will take a while, as the pain is unimaginable..but somehow it will all work out.

Thanks again

StarryMoon0

S23 wrote: »

I've not been in the position of being a partner of a sex addict but a quick goolge search turned up these sites

http://www.csa-addictions.ie/

http://www.sauk.org/

Try and follow the trail from there I would reckon. You may well find a poster on here that can help you out but you are likely to be just as well served going to these specialised sites and looking for support from there.

Thanks for the advice.
Been to those sites, and more...so many more than you'de believe.

Its not that I am looking for help. I am in couselling ect..its more "support" form someone who knows what its like.

Sure, I can almost talk to my friends, but unfortunatly its one of those "dirty little secrets" that for obvious reasons cannot be talked about openly with just anyone. The addicts themselves have a support group, I'm basically trying to find something like Al Anon, but for sex addiction. It doesn't exist here yet, so just trying to reach out to anyone else going through this, as sometimes to even just send an email to someone and have them know what you are going through can make a difference. Not looking for someone to lay my burdens on, or be a best friend..just people that know how black the darkness is...

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice.
Been to those sites, and more...so many more than you'de believe.

Its not that I am looking for help. I am in couselling ect..its more "support" form someone who knows what its like.

Sure, I can almost talk to my friends, but unfortunatly its one of those "dirty little secrets" that for obvious reasons cannot be talked about openly with just anyone. The addicts themselves have a support group, I'm basically trying to find something like Al Anon, but for sex addiction. It doesn't exist here yet, so just trying to reach out to anyone else going through this, as sometimes to even just send an email to someone and have them know what you are going through can make a difference. Not looking for someone to lay my burdens on, or be a best friend..just people that know how black the darkness is...[/QUOTE]

I used to be addicted to sex, until I got a hold of this book:

OPEN TO BLISS by Omid Mankoo

It is a powerful book, which educated me on the mind manipulations used in porn, I became aware of how my mind works, why the manipulations are so potent and how to escape from them into a sense of normalcy. I simply cannot be seduced, because I know the ricks, and I know how my mind works. The author used to be fixated on sex, and he figured out the mystery of this sexual attraction and addiction, so he explains it quite clearly.

Motley Crue

StarryMoon0 wrote: »

Basically I'm in this position and just trying to reach out to somebody...anybody. There is no support out there for the partners.

I hope that you find what you are looking for, and that it brings you some peace and happiness

StarryMoon0

Motley Crue wrote: »

I hope that you find what you are looking for, and that it brings you some peace and happiness

Thanks Motley ... I've learned soemthing in the past couple weeks.. only I can bring myself peace and happiness, no one else on the planet can do that for me .. so I guess I better get cracking on it

StillWaters

theredletter wrote: »

If it's like any other addiction; drugs, alcohol or gambling then you're just going to have to be strong and try to support. If your partner has admitted his/her addiction then you should try and forgive them and support them. They will come out a better person at the end, and so will you. Take care of yourself x

There is no should, the injured partner has every right to decide to no longer remain in the relationship, and has no obligation to remain with the addicted partner and support them.

StarryMoon0

StillWaters wrote: »

There is no should, the injured partner has every right to decide to no longer remain in the relationship, and has no obligation to remain with the addicted partner and support them.

YEs, you are correct. However, there are degrees... if you do still love the person, you can leave the relationship and yet still support them and forgive them. In the end if you do no forgive, you end up bitter and warped.
If they actively work towards "health", you can wish them the best for them.
Get what I mean?

Its always easy to walk out, full of anger and rage, and if the person is truly getting help and getting better and you do nothing, they will eventually lead a happy life, and you will still be stuck in that same spot, hating and hurting...

I took the post to mean just that, but maybe I put my own spin on it, as thats how I feel anyways.

StillWaters

I getya.

I posted because it is OK to leave, and often much healthier to do so, rather than remain in co-dependency.

Only you know your own relationship dynamic, and you seem to be caring for yourself.

I think it would be hard to leave and still support that person though.

StarryMoon0

StillWaters wrote: »

I getya.

I posted because it is OK to leave, and often much healthier to do so, rather than remain in co-dependency.

Only you know your own relationship dynamic, and you seem to be caring for yourself.

I think it would be hard to leave and still support that person though.

AH yes, I completely agree, it IS OK to leave, in fact, all chances are, untill you do you can never actually "deal" with it. When your in the situation, you can't see things clearly.

I understand what you mean about being hard to leave and still support. Way I see it, I loved him, then, and I still do love him now. If things don't work out between us, I WILL be ok, and I want him to have a happy healthy life regardless. If i hated him or such, then so be it, I wouldn't be able to support him, but in doing lot of work on my own self , I see that sometimes our lives are out of control , and I can accept that an addiction takes on its own life and in the process destroys others lives... so, I can support him in my own way..whether its meeting for a coffee, or sitting in the park quietly for a while.. I'd like to think that if were to be in his shoes, that some understanding and compassion would be shown to me, even if we were not in a romantic relationship.