Gay/bi friend is really confusing me

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Just looking for some advise, I have gotten really close with my male gay friend, we work, socialise with each other. We are always together now by choice..

I am out of a long term relationship, and have a child, and he is with his partner (male) 2 years..The both of us were very unhappy in our relationships and I broke away, but he still cant/wont.

A few months ago I start falling for him, and I tried to back away from him, and I told him I had some feelings for him, but didnt go into detail...he just kind of put it down to a sexual thing, as that was the only area we hadent explored..he confessed I kind of confused him to, and he had feelings for me, but he was gay...so I left it at that...

Right so for the last 2 months we have got even closer, he has moved into a new place with his partner, which he regrets now, and he has been staying over with me a lot...This week he was over, and due to the jealous boyfriend he stayed over as well, I dont mind most of the time, I love the company...

so what is annoying me is I still have strong feelings for him, and he says and does things that sometimes confuse me, and make me feel like he likes me...We sat down somewhere together yesterday, and talked about everything, and it was so nice, we were really close beside each other, and for the first time, I felt like just going for it, but I couldnt....for so many obvious reasons....please dont think I am mad here, its just lately he has start saying things like sometimes I think that I may not be gay after all, and then other times he talks about male conquests...

sorry guys I really dont even know what I am asking here, guess I want to know, he is using me? does he like me? is he confused around me?? I certainly am confused, and I want to move on, as I have my child to think about, and would love to meet someone new aswell...

I would appreciate some opinions/advise.

thanks

LegacyUser

he's not a friend if he can't respect you and leave you alone because you have feelings for him. A true, caring friend would just back out or at the very least would sit down and talk with you about it all instead of playing with your emotions.

He's simply using you for emotional support and ego boost. He's gay and he is in a relationship, nothing confusing there, you dont have the "equipment" that he likes to play in his team to say it gently.

Do yourself a favour and concentrate on whats more important than his drama, your daughter and both your happiness.

Move on.

Best of luck

seenitall

This person is a headwrecker and is using you for an ego-boost. If he was really as "confused" as he says he is, he would have long ago explored things with you a bit further.

Stop giving this guy the opportunity to mess with your head and hurt you. Being attracted to a head-wrecker with whom you don't even match up sexually, is a recipe for frustration and unhappiness.

If you persist with this close "friendship", you will just end up resenting him somewhere down the line (when you get your bearings on how he's used you), and there will be no friendship left to speak of anyway.

Distance yourself from this guy and move on.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

Yes I do think you are right...as they say actions speak louder than words...maybe I am looking into things more, when its just flirting from him...
I guess I wish things were different...I would hate to lose his friendship, and we work together, we are in business together, this all happened prior to me having feelings...so I would lose a lot I guess.

I dont think he is using me on purpose, I think he does love my company, and doesnt know how it effects me...and he told me about another female and male friend he fell out with because of a simular situation...

I really am so annoyed at myself for having feelings for someone who I know wont make me happy, and like you said isnt a match sexually..I just wish I could get over this quicker, and maybe in time we could get back on track as friends.

and littlefairy thank you for your advise, I do appreciate your honesty, I dont know if he is using me for emotional support, I just dont know with him, he just has fun with me, and we do loads together, so it is never him looking for something from me, or moany or even talking about his problems, I mean I have to drag things from him....its all so confusing though.

please dont think I am silly here, but do you think he does like me??

seenitall wrote: »

This person is a headwrecker and is using you for an ego-boost. If he was really as "confused" as he says he is, he would have long ago explored things with you a bit further.

Stop giving this guy the opportunity to mess with your head and hurt you. Being attracted to a head-wrecker with whom you don't even match up sexually, is a recipe for frustration and unhappiness.

If you persist with this close "friendship", you will just end up resenting him somewhere down the line (when you get your bearings on how he's used you), and there will be no friendship left to speak of anyway.

Distance yourself from this guy and move on.

Denimgirl

weird2100 wrote: »

Hi there,

Yes I do think you are right...as they say actions speak louder than words...maybe I am looking into things more, when its just flirting from him...
I guess I wish things were different...I would hate to lose his friendship, and we work together, we are in business together, this all happened prior to me having feelings...so I would lose a lot I guess.

I dont think he is using me on purpose, I think he does love my company, and doesnt know how it effects me...and he told me about another female and male friend he fell out with because of a simular situation...

I really am so annoyed at myself for having feelings for someone who I know wont make me happy, and like you said isnt a match sexually..I just wish I could get over this quicker, and maybe in time we could get back on track as friends.

and littlefairy thank you for your advise, I do appreciate your honesty, I dont know if he is using me for emotional support, I just dont know with him, he just has fun with me, and we do loads together, so it is never him looking for something from me, or moany or even talking about his problems, I mean I have to drag things from him....its all so confusing though.

please dont think I am silly here, but do you think he does like me??

I think you maybe a little lonely at the moment from your break up and crave affection at this time, so your feelings are a bit all over the place! you know your barking up the wrong tree with him deep down! I think after working with him have other friends to go out with other girl friends single ones so you can go out and about with them ,don't see him after work for a month or 2. I bet you anything when your with a new man your gonna be think what the hell was i thinking back then! time start dating again with straight guys!!

LegacyUser

Yes it is time to move on from him and all the other crap I have been dealing with...
Time to met a few decent straight single guys.....

thx

Denimgirl wrote: »

I think you maybe a little lonely at the moment from your break up and crave affection at this time, so your feelings are a bit all over the place! you know your barking up the wrong tree with him deep down! I think after working with him have other friends to go out with other girl friends single ones so you can go out and about with them ,don't see him after work for a month or 2. I bet you anything when your with a new man your gonna be think what the hell was i thinking back then! time start dating again with straight guys!!

LegacyUser

You are wasting your time with this man for the simple reason that he is gay. I'm sorry to be so blunt but the truth sometimes is blunt. It certainly is in this case.

MicraBoy

Well I'm sure he does like you, and he may be a little bit bisexual. However there is a huge leap between those two things and him being a suitable partner.

I think you are both playing silly beggars because you both need the emotional support. Don't sexualise that support, its bound to lead to even more heartache, confusion and ultimately failure.