The ex and What is my problem!?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am not sure where to start or what I want, I'm usually pretty good for helping out the lads with their problem but in this, I cant do anything for myself.

I was going out with this girl for a short on under a year and we broke up 1 year and half now if I include the 2 months break before the actual break up. The reason was her being a bit older than me and let's face it I panic with the talks around me of having children and all.

Nice to read on this few post on age difference, I guess its not as unusual as I thought;-)

Anyway, we had an amazing chemistry, I can honestly say she was the one for me and the first girl I actually called my girlfriend and had the strongest feeling for ever, on all levels, we were just perfect which I'm sure you will say then why break up! I started to be confused and when she asked me to take a break so I could figure out what I wanted (stay with her or not) well it dragged on and I ended up breaking up 2 months later.

She has not chased me back, if anything she was even perfect after the breakup! We had the contact thing for a while then decided to cut off all contact, it was too hard, I still loved her (maybe still now I don't know) and few months later she sent me a nice email to check on me and I lost it, I felt angry, looking back I guess I was not over her I supposed and I got mean to her and called her and pretty much asked her to never ever contact me whatsoever in any ways.

Forward few months after, I met this girl, 3 years younger than me, studying to be an engineer like I am, although I'm working for 3 years already, she plays music, she's really pretty...she's just perfect for me.

My problem is, as much as I do love this girl, my ex is always in my mind, I mean not every single day but enough, I smell her around, I did saw her in the street a couple time and it almost made me sick my stomach my turned upside down just to see her. She was and is still beautiful.
That has led to me contacting her few weeks ago, drunk, (I made an ass out of myself , said I wanted to say hello again and regretted it as I felt guilty towards my new girlfriend) 1 day after having spent a romantic evening with my new girl. I don't know what is going on in my head, I mean, my ex and I could never get back together, and I still feel this anger towards her or the situation even though she hasn't done anything wrong to me and I am now with this girl I love, I don't want to see anyone else so what does this means!? is she a rebound or is it ever going to fade the more time I am with my new girlfriend the ex will be forgotten for good?
I contacted my ex again 3 days later after the initial call as it was wrecking my head to have gotten weak and called her drunk, told her that no contact will be made again and that I wanted to get back to absolutely no contact whosoever.

I don't know what is wrong, I feel like a total ***hole to be honest. Maybe ringing her few weeks ago pulled me backwards, maybe I'm just torturing myself as it has been over for a long time now.

Anyone ever been in this situation, sure after that long of a breakup I should be completely free of thoughts about her,no??

I welcome all your comments, experience or view.

Denimgirl

It sounds like your still in love with your ex and trying to fight it! the reason why you broke up was because you were afraid of her wanting kids but girls of all ages want kids loads have them younger too you knoe not just coz they reach a certain age, if your new girlfriend started to speak about wanting kids woould you feel the same.IF i was going out with a guy and knew he can't stop thinking about his ex and is contacting her I would be telling him to go back to her,you seem to be going through denial do your new gf a favour and break up with her until you get your head straight,I was with a guy who broke up with me years ago we went out for a year and then 6 almost a year later he said that he could'nt stop thinking about me and was just scared of commitment so maybe that is your case also.we got back together and were together for a few years after due to other issues.

Ickle Magoo

I agree with Denimgirl, I don't think you are over your ex - smelling your ex around is a particularly carnal choice of words. Perhaps give yourself a bit of time on your own to get your head sorted and get over your ex properly?

I also think you should stop using "perfect" to describe people or relationships because it just sets impossible expectations and you loose all perspective of what a past relationship was actually like, which makes it even harder to move on from.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

thanks ladies,

I see your point, sounds valid but I am over her, if there is still something I WANT to be over her, I don't know why I contacted my ex, maybe it's because she was the very first girl that I felt head over heels in love with, in fact, I was crazy about her, but it's been over a year now we are over and although I do get what you said I believe I am over her, done.
I have deleted anything I had left around that reminds me of her and even my yahoo messenger even though I haven't used it since we broke up (there is a little pic of her there that was coming on when we chatted and I have to admit I have looked at it from time to time since we broke up, maybe 4 or 5 times) SO anyhow, its gone and after this long weekend which I spent with my gf I feel good, I do love her and maybe I just have to face that I am an ***hole for contacting her (the ex), I was just in total bits drunk, was in a session since half 5 that day so I will blame the alcohol as sober I would never contact her.
Clearly, we all know that anything done or said drunk is really mostly rubbish anyway.

I will get a grip and move on and concentrate on my gf, she doesn't deserve this, I do love her and I will forget the ex once and for all. It's just a pain it has taken this long.

Thanks for your input ladies, I did appreciate.

LegacyUser

Hi there, again I still agree with the other posters, you are still caught up with the ex gf, I know you said you are not, but you have contacted her drunk or not, thinking of her, you said you loved (may still love her) smelling her, and posting here.

It is okay that after a year you still have feeings if she was your first real gf, dont be so hard on yourself. And you are doing the right thing going out and meeting someone new. But please dont string the new girl alone, if there is a chance you still have feelings for your ex...

Im sorry if this sounds cheeky....but do you think you are still caught up over the ex because she moved on so quickly...you pointed out that
(She has not chased me back, if anything she was even perfect after the breakup!) maybe this is annoying you more????

I think you should be on your own for a bit, and sort your feelings out.

best of luck.

Ronburgundyeejit wrote: »

Hi,

I am not sure where to start or what I want, I'm usually pretty good for helping out the lads with their problem but in this, I cant do anything for myself.

I was going out with this girl for a short on under a year and we broke up 1 year and half now if I include the 2 months break before the actual break up. The reason was her being a bit older than me and let's face it I panic with the talks around me of having children and all.

Nice to read on this few post on age difference, I guess its not as unusual as I thought;-)

Anyway, we had an amazing chemistry, I can honestly say she was the one for me and the first girl I actually called my girlfriend and had the strongest feeling for ever, on all levels, we were just perfect which I'm sure you will say then why break up! I started to be confused and when she asked me to take a break so I could figure out what I wanted (stay with her or not) well it dragged on and I ended up breaking up 2 months later.

She has not chased me back, if anything she was even perfect after the breakup! We had the contact thing for a while then decided to cut off all contact, it was too hard, I still loved her (maybe still now I don't know) and few months later she sent me a nice email to check on me and I lost it, I felt angry, looking back I guess I was not over her I supposed and I got mean to her and called her and pretty much asked her to never ever contact me whatsoever in any ways.

Forward few months after, I met this girl, 3 years younger than me, studying to be an engineer like I am, although I'm working for 3 years already, she plays music, she's really pretty...she's just perfect for me.

My problem is, as much as I do love this girl, my ex is always in my mind, I mean not every single day but enough, I smell her around, I did saw her in the street a couple time and it almost made me sick my stomach my turned upside down just to see her. She was and is still beautiful.
That has led to me contacting her few weeks ago, drunk, (I made an ass out of myself , said I wanted to say hello again and regretted it as I felt guilty towards my new girlfriend) 1 day after having spent a romantic evening with my new girl. I don't know what is going on in my head, I mean, my ex and I could never get back together, and I still feel this anger towards her or the situation even though she hasn't done anything wrong to me and I am now with this girl I love, I don't want to see anyone else so what does this means!? is she a rebound or is it ever going to fade the more time I am with my new girlfriend the ex will be forgotten for good?
I contacted my ex again 3 days later after the initial call as it was wrecking my head to have gotten weak and called her drunk, told her that no contact will be made again and that I wanted to get back to absolutely no contact whosoever.

I don't know what is wrong, I feel like a total ***hole to be honest. Maybe ringing her few weeks ago pulled me backwards, maybe I'm just torturing myself as it has been over for a long time now.

Anyone ever been in this situation, sure after that long of a breakup I should be completely free of thoughts about her,no??

I welcome all your comments, experience or view.

Denimgirl

I totally agree with block2020 ,I think your trying to fool yourself whats in you sober comes out when your drunk,even how you describe her on your first post you come across as still having feelings for her.

Miss Fluff

ronburgundyeejit wrote: »

I see your point, sounds valid but I am over her, if there is still something I WANT to be over her, I don't know why I contacted my ex, maybe it's because she was the very first girl that I felt head over heels in love with, in fact, I was crazy about her, but it's been over a year now we are over and although I do get what you said I believe I am over her, done.

I beg to differ. If you were over her you wouldn't have an issue and wouldn't have taken the time out to post in PI about it. You sound nowhere near being over her. Sounds to me like you need some time out, not being involved in any relationship to decide what you really and truly want.

It's both unfair and disrespectful to your current GF and your ex to be phoning the girl drunk at all hours and then phoning her after telling her you don't want contact!Take some time to work through all this confusion and angst and anger and then make a decision on what you want, but stop messing other people around whilst getting your head together.

LegacyUser

Ok I didn't expect that much to be honest, I posted on this because for the first 6 months after the breakup I talked to all the lads and anyone who would listen pretty much about her, to the point where I was being told ..what are ya doin man!..So now, apart to a mate at work I didn't say anything, and mostly because I don't want this "mistake" of calling the ex to get back to my gf.
I disagree when you ladies when you say "what's in you sober comes out when drunk", actually I totally disagree because I have only contacted her drunk (on all times in a year and half) so there's no foundation to this, I love my gf and regret calling the ex 200%, and alcohol IS to blame as I don't want to contact her at all when I'm sober. It had been 4 months since I had ring her last drunk. Beside, when I did ring her I had called my gf but she was sleeping so it's not like my ex was in my mind first, but I can't remember how and why I called my ex after that.
My gf doesn't deserve this, she's perfect for me and I do love her and what I have done puzzles me, I am over my ex, if I wasnt then I would want to call or see her sober!? no?. Maybe I am angry that she got over me, or maybe she just lied and was never in love with me and that is why she got over me that easy.

I'm just messed up, but I won't break up with my gf, I love her and we got something good going on, we get along great and my mates think she's awesome. I guess the less reminders there are around about the ex and the more I concentrate on my gf the memories and the ex will fade, I mean I'm sure I'm not the only one to who it has happened, just need time.
I just thought it would have been long gone by now.

Thanks for the replies girls.

Taltos

OP

it could just be as simple as your head is still in a mess about this - and you are now torturing yourself with the guilt you feel over ringing her. Dirty little secrets and all that. You know - self-sabotage - ie you do not deserve to be happy and subconsciously you are attempting to destroy what you have...

ie. what happens when your GF finds out from someone else (EX) that you keep ringing her - immediate thoughts - he wants a booty call or something similar...

I am going to suggest something that I am sure many will disagree with.
Tell your GF... Sit her down - explain you love her and your need her help. Explain that when you have been very drunk you have called your EX - something you immediately regret when sober - as you have no feeling for her. You are not sure why you call her...

Look - she might dump you - but if you approach this correctly this might just stop the behaviour - be careful though as you do risk loosing her trust. Just be honest - yes you were hurt - and you do not know why you call her.. etc

dublingal80

sounds like to me you miss what you and your ex had. even though you have a new girlfriend, your relationship with her or your feelings for her isnt the same as your ex, which is completely natural

You love your girlfriend, but you miss what you once had and its like you want to contact your ex, remember what she was like, what you had, even though you dont want to be with her

Just be careful. Properly think about what you want, for your current girlfriends sake. She doesnt deserve to be played if there is a chance you wanna be with your ex

LegacyUser

Taltos mate not sure I agree with you on this, see, I vaguely remember the conversation when I rang the ex and from the small memory I get I was asking to see her..maybe one last time together...(god knows, maybe I wanted an ego boost) it's vague so don't take my word for it but that's the only think that comes up.
When I contacted her few days later for the "no contact" (ironic I know) it was obviously intended to make sure somehow my gf doesn't get a chance to find out.
BUT see that's where the thing is, again my ex is THE better person, always has been, she won't say a thing, she told me she was forgetting about the call and that not to worry and that she wanted me happy. See taltos this is one of the problem, even when I'm ass*** she always turns out to be the coolest person I know. Yes, you would expect any girl in her position to chase my gf and tell her what a totally piece of crap I am but no, she has class.
Although my ex and I don't have friends in common really coincidence would make that happens to I know she was and obviously always will be the better person. Maybe it's because she's older than me or maybe I'm just the bastard one.

Anyway, this has brought to my attention that I am lucky to have found my gf soon after all aftermath of the break up and I am going to make her happy now, call that a revalation!