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Boyfriend's parents and childminding.

  • 04-06-2010 12:37pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My BF and I visit his parents about every month, they are ok I don't have much in common with them and they are much older than my parents. His mother minds his sister's child full time and I really think its becoming a strain on her. The last time we visited she was exhausted and looked very stressed out.
    The child is very active and demands a lot of attention. His mother also babysits evenings and weekends while BF's sister and her partner go out (pretty much every weekend). We wanted to get them a voucher for a weekend away for their wedding anniversary and asked if the sister wanted to add to it or get something different and this was her reply: "Mum wants to be around to mind XXX so I know she won't go away, and I'd be really stuck if she did". I know the mum loves minding her grandchild but I think the sister is taking advantage. She and her partner can well afford child care but I have found them to be a bit tight with money (its never their round, they are the last to contribute to a present etc) and I think they are using her for cheap childcare as she is so willing to do it.
    My BF wants to bring this up with her as he is getting worried about his mum and thinks her and his dad need a good break and should be able to enjoy retirement without having to plan their lives around their daughter and her child's needs.
    How should we broach this?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hey OP,

    When you say "how should we broach this?" there's the problem with this idea. This has nothing to do with you, at all, it's not your mother or your child/brother, it's not your family simple as. You saying anything to do with this will just end up with you getting treated badly. You have absolutely no right to weigh into this one at all and the sister will know that and make mince meat of you. She sounds like a shameless user and sure she knows she's being a using b*tch but when people like that are tackled on it they get very very defensive of their free babysitter/slave etc (i've seen the exact same situation and it's disgusting). You'll be told to mind your own f*cking business I have no doubt and it'll all be turned around and made to look like you're causing trouble. My advice is to let your boyfriend handle this and stay out of it. If he really needs you there just go and say nothing and just be there for him. Honestly, this could go disasterously if you get involved.

    Best of luck.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think it's probably true to say, it's none of your business....however I can understand exactly what you're saying. Maybe the best approach - so your boyfriend doesnt end up in an argument with his sister - is to just go ahead and buy that weekend away. Or, when you visit his parents, offer to take them out for a meal. Basically, if you're inviting them out his sister will have to find alternative childcare. If his mother says no, because she's looking after the child, then I don't think it would be unreasonable to then approach his sister and request she finds alternative childcare for the evening/weekend so your boyfriend can treat his mother.
    I don't think you have to directly approach his sister here, and in doing so, I think you could damage the relationship his mother has with her grandchild/daughter.


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