some new poetry

roxychix

opinions appreciated

Then and now:
I sit here and look out over Donegal Bay,
The place of my childhood,
Where I can no longer stay.

The sounds of carefree youth,
Are all long gone,
The feel of the surf,
No longer touches me the same.

The time I spent on the strand,
Playing frisbee and catching up on my tan,
Are now distant memories,
Of a time well spent.

Going down to Cullan for that sneaky beer,
Telling your mum,
“you’d be back before 12”
She knew full well what was going on.

I don’t feel bitter,
Just a little sad,
I know that things have to change,
Why else would I be sitting here,
If things had not gone to plan.

Pain kills the soul:
They are at again,
But Conor no longer cares,
He sees him raise his hand,
She cries out in pain,
He just laughs.

She says “she can’t take it,
That this will be the last time”

But Conor knows.

The time they went on holidays,
She said things had changed.
“Daddy won’t hit you,
I’ll be sure of that.”

But Conor knows.

He seen his poor brother,
Try and defend his mum,
Conor to weak,
Just looked on,
Totally numb.

But Conor knows.

Then he’s brought back to reality
with a frightful bang,
he looks around and

Conor knows his father is gone.


Once is enough:
First there was Stephen,
Man he could talk,

Then Aaron,
Who looked like a god,

Then Mark,
Who seemed like all the rest,

Then Mike,
A little too young,

Then Adam,
Who i thought was the one,

Then you came along,
And you broke my heart.

Griffun

Roxychix - wel done!
I really especially liked your 'love' poem.
In my view, albeit unexpert, you still need to work on it.
The rythm is in places a bit 'out'. In some lines an added word would make a difference.

May I suggest?....for your consideration:
I think the rythm is important.

Once is enough:
First there was Stephen,
Man he could talk.

Then there was Aaron,
Who looked like a god.

Then there came Mark,
Who seemed like the rest.

Then there was Mike,
Just a little too young.

Then there came Adam,
Whom I thought was the one.

Then you came along,
And you shattered my heart.

roxychix

yeah thanks for the input it all helps

sudoku987

This is not meant unkindly

but

in relation to rhythm

spelling

is also important