How to improve body image?

LegacyUser

well basically the title says it all.
Im 26 years old and have been in counselling over the past few months for a few different reasons, one of them being my self image and mainly how my body image affects my total image of myself. Due to unforseen circumstances I have to end my counselling sessions and cant at the moment see myself getting a new counsellor, for the foreseable future at least.

We have only just begun to broach the subject of how i feel about my body but i would like to continue working on this myself (if possible) with the tips she gives me but also I am wondering how other people have improved their body image.

Sometime I am ok with my image-my height, weight, shape, face etc- and when I look in the mirror I can feel good about myself and feel positive. However other times, for example when I am out with friends or see pictures of myself, I see this disgusting fat, ugly, beast of a woman who nobody could ever find attractive. I can't strike a balance with my own thoughts. I know I am no Quasimodo but yet I know that i am not ever going to be the girl that a guy picks out across the room.

I know I am slightly overweight and this affects how i feel about myself but I have still felt this way even when I have been much slimmer. Its like I am damned if i do and damned if i dont. I do try to make the best of myself but feel like there is no point anymore.

I cant understand how any man, or woman for that matter, could ever see me as an attractive person or even a sexual person. People have told me I am pretty, attractive, nice legs, good boobs etc but I cant bring myself to believe them. I am able to attract men but this usually results in one night stands. I have never had anyone I know of fancy me or find me attractive.

I also know that confidence is a huge part of attractiveness.I have been feeling more confident lately and even had two men (on two very different occasions) call me beautiful. I cant bring myself to trust these comments. I am also not a superficial person and I know that people worth having around wont judge me on a superficial level and i dont judge people on their looks either.

I feel like im trapped in a vicious circle in that i know having confidence in myself will make me feel, and therefore i will become, like an attractive person but that i need to feel good about my image in order to generate that confidence.

I am in tears as i write this. i find it hard to discuss with anyone, even my counsellor and its held me back from enjoying life for so long that i need to overcome it.

Kevster

There is no easy way out of this (or 'through' this, if you prefer). As I have had major issues with my body previously, however, I know that the only way I ever felt better about my body was through exercise. I didn't have to exercise rigorously and could instead just do light amounts of it - consistently - and that made me feel better about my physical self.

You can do as much dieting and make-overs as you want, but i believe exercsise is the best way to feel better about yourself.

Kevin

LegacyUser

I think you are missing the whole OP's issue QUOTE"I am ok with my image-my height, weight, shape, face etc- and when I look in the mirror I can feel good about myself and feel positive. However other times, for example when I am out with friends or see pictures of myself, I see this disgusting fat, ugly, beast of a woman who nobody could ever find attractive". She knows she is not hideous in her logical mind, but at other times she feels repulsive, her body image becomes distorted. I don't think exercise is the answer here.

OP well done for going to counselling. Have a look at a condition called BDD. (I am not diagnosing here). Also Cognitive behavioural therapy is very beneficial. I'm not sure why you have to stop counselling but if it is due to financial issues you can get a referral from your gp and find a therapist that offers counselling on a sliding scale.
Good luck on your journey and you are already on the right path.

JuliusCaesar

there's a cbt book called Overcoming Body Image Problems by Rob Wilson & David Veale. It's a paperback so not expensive. Also, cbt is available for free in many areas of the HSE. (Please do complain to the HSE if it's not available in your area!)

Kevster

missingthepoint wrote: »

OP well done for going to counselling. Have a look at a condition called BDD. (I am not diagnosing here). Also Cognitive behavioural therapy is very beneficial. I'm not sure why you have to stop counselling but if it is due to financial issues you can get a referral from your gp and find a therapist that offers counselling on a sliding scale.
Good luck on your journey and you are already on the right path.

I don't think you understand what having BDD and an eating disorder is like. You can at times easily forget about your body image and have a normal relationship with food, but other times you cannot. I did expect a mini backlash to my 'exercise' reply, but exercise was the only way I could feel better about myself overall. At times I still see a very handsome young man, while at others I see the ugly idiot who I used to always regard myself as.

Kevin

LegacyUser

Kevster

I have BDD and found CBT Excellent ...also suffered from bulimia for years during my teens and childhood years. The whole issue with BDD is that you feel normal one minute and hideous the next. Exercise may have helped you but for the majority of people with self image issues that effect their everyday life, couselling and continuous support is required. The point is, it is not about weight or fitness, the persons self image is distorted. If you read the OP's Post, the OP said that even when they were slimmer they felt the same way. Exercise releases endorphins which make us all feel better, but you need to be aware that your answer is over simplified, there is a lot more to this than going for a walk...it's like saying to a depressed person...take a walk you'll feel better.
Be careful of assumptions, you post came accross as unsympathetic. The OP needs support and options.
The OP wrote this in tears so please be gentle.

kittykrazy

Hi OP!

Well done on your determination to continue moving forward. I read recently that meditation has been proven to be very effective in raising moods in people with depression so it could help improve your mood enough to keep the negative self image thoughts to a minimum.

Why can't you continue your therapy? If it's for financial reasons there are LOADS of counselling services out there run by charities for free or on a sliding scale. I found this guy just now with google -http://www.dublintherapycentre.com/1_16_Low-Cost-Free-Therapy.html but talk to your GP because they might know someone.