Tricky, horrible situation

LegacyUser

Tough one this, hence going anon to type it.

My in laws to be are, nicely put, extremely dysfunctional. Someone is always fighting with someone and the reasons are generally pretty trivial.

So, my fiances older brother (30) and younger sister (22) had a massive blow out the other night, both have said they are done with each other. Their father never gets involved, and mother is dead. So its up to my fiance to act as mediator again.

Anyway, between the long and short of it, she rang her brother, he more or less said it is none of her business (which she agrees with) and it will sort itself out.

She called to her sister today at work to discuss it, and here is where the mess is. She said that unless he apologises to her for the fight the other night, where some bad words were said, she would tell everyone about what happened years ago.

She is saying that many years back, he was asking her to do things to him, and only stopped when their mother walked in. A pretty massive accusation to make, especially when there is absolutely no way to prove it happened.

Thing is, I do not believe her. I know the brother can be a bit of work at times, but I also am almost certain this is beyond him. Reasons for not believing it, is that surely the mother would have done something about it at the time, and secondly, she is a very dirty fighter, says things now, deals with consequences much later, if ever.

But as far as I see it, mud has been thrown, and there is no good conclusion from it, as A) he did do it, and a doubt will be around him over it forever or She made it up, therefore can never be trusted ever again for fear she makes something up about one of us.

The thoughts of this are sickening.

As far as I see it, my fiance has to step back and not get involved, let the 2 of them deal with it themselves. But one way or other, one of their names is mud at the end of it.

Taltos

You have it spot on.
Families like this feed on the attention they are getting.

Ignore them both - if questioned let them know they are loved but that you are sick of their hystronics - there was a reason Dynasty was canceled and it was not the shoulder pads.

In the meantime just focus on the two of you and anyone who behave in a manner where you can have a relationship with them.

ie Leave well enough alone lest you get tarred with the same brush...

ps. In terms of the abuse claim - only she and the other brother know the truth - so be careful you don't get sucked into either camp.