Confused???

coconutz

Hi all

Ive not posted here so please bare with me

I have been casually dating a man for the last few months, it has been nothing serious, I dont like to rush into things.

When we are together we really enjoy eachothers company and get on very well, the last time we met up he asked to meet up again this weekend, and I had said yes. I thought things were going well.

The thing is, a friend of mine contacted me today to say that she has been in contact with a man on a dating site and that he sounds very simial to the man I had spoken to her about, as in the same name, location, likes / dislikes etc.

I am at a bit of a loss, I know we have not spoken about being exclusive or anything like that, but my friend has told me that this man has only very recently joined this site.

Am I right in sitting here asking myself, "well if he's not that into it, why not just say so", he claims to be honest and trustworthy, and I get that we are not a couple but an honest and trustworthy man wouldnt in my opinion join a dating site after meeting and dating some one on a regular basis. I have up until this point just followed his lead, and have not put any expectation on where it may/may not lead as a result because I am not entirely ready for something full on.

This has hit me like a big slap in the face, and I kind of gutted really

LegacyUser

Why not ask ur friend to get him to send her a picture? then you'll know for def. If it is him I'd prob cool it with him if not end it completley.. I know u'll be gutted but better cut ur losses now than later. i'd suss out the pic 1st though.

AnonoBoy

Maybe you should check out whether it's him or not before jumping to conclusions.

Denimgirl

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Maybe you should check out whether it's him or not before jumping to conclusions.

Yeah do your full research before jumping to anything!and if it is himi'd say it to him in a jokey way just to let him know you know don't take crap!

Loopsie

agree with above posters, find out for certain first if it is him
If it is i would hold your head high and walk away.........he cant have his cake and eat it too, you deserve better than that x

coconutz

Thanks for your replies,

I am just going to cut all ties. I dont believe im jumping to conclusions, it is too much of a coincidence that this man has the same name (it is an unusual one too), from the same area, employed in the same line of work, same height and phsyical description, that coupled with the fact that this site is how I had met him in the first place.

Again thank you for the replies, I believe I am a good catch and do deserve better.

LegacyUser

coconutz wrote: »

that coupled with the fact that this site is how I had met him in the first place.

I thought he had only recently joined the site?

coconutz

This man had, under a different/new user name, he had deleated his previous account a while after we had started dating, as did I.

Loopsie

to me it screams PLAYER!!!!!!!!!
as hard as it may be to do i'd burn him.......

coconutz

Ha ha ha, thanks loopsie.
player or not, ive been left with questions, and if ive got them now, there really isnt any point in considering a future, was good while it lasted, (so glad i didnt put out, ha ha ha:D)

Denimgirl

coconutz wrote: »

Ha ha ha, thanks loopsie.
player or not, ive been left with questions, and if ive got them now, there really isnt any point in considering a future, was good while it lasted, (so glad i didnt put out, ha ha ha:D)

Good Girl! Ha.. you have the upper hand on that moran!

Canluum

coconutz wrote: »

I have been casually dating a man for the last few months, it has been nothing serious, I dont like to rush into things.

I am at a bit of a loss, I know we have not spoken about being exclusive or anything like that, but my friend has told me that this man has only very recently joined this site.

I get that we are not a couple but an honest and trustworthy man wouldnt in my opinion join a dating site after meeting and dating some one on a regular basis. I have up until this point just followed his lead, and have not put any expectation on where it may/may not lead as a result because I am not entirely ready for something full on.

What. The. Hell? I am appalled at the immature and misandrist replies given by posters here.

Look at what I highlighted above... You have zero right to an expectation of monogamy in this situation. You have no reason to be upset with him, he has done nothing wrong.

What you should have done is had a talk with him about exclusivity, if that's what you wanted (and it clearly is). Then based on his replies/actions, decide your course of action. Now you've just left him in the lurch for no reason. He might well have decided "oh she wants something a little more serious, great! No need to keep looking...". If I was in his situation where a girl I was casually dating with no agreement of exclusivity for months, and she seemed completely indifferent to taking it further, I would definitely keep my options open too!

coconutz

Canluum wrote: »

What. The. Hell? I am appalled at the immature and misandrist replies given by posters here.

Look at what I highlighted above... You have zero right to an expectation of monogamy in this situation. You have no reason to be upset with him, he has done nothing wrong.

What you should have done is had a talk with him about exclusivity, if that's what you wanted (and it clearly is). Then based on his replies/actions, decide your course of action. Now you've just left him in the lurch for no reason. He might well have decided "oh she wants something a little more serious, great! No need to keep looking...". If I was in his situation where a girl I was casually dating with no agreement of exclusivity for months, and she seemed completely indifferent to taking it further, I would definitely keep my options open too!

Reading back over my original post, I can understand your comments, but I do feel I need to clear some things up.

I didnt expect monogamy.

Firstly, . I did ask him about 'other women' and he told me he had closed his online profile, and I did the same. This wasnt early on either. He had also said that he wasnt seeing/dating anyone else.

Secondly, before my friend realised who he was, he had told her that he wasnt currently dating anyone.

As far as I am concerned, he has done wrong, he has been somewhat deceitful and he has been the immature one. Again, I understand that we didnt have 'the talk' or anything, my problem is why couldnt he just be honest, simple as. And no I didnt hound, I had asked once and was satisfied with what he had said.

Lastly, I did say I was going to cut all ties, I didnt say I was going to 'leave him in the lurch with no reason', I wouldnt do that to anyone for whatever reason, its just not the type of person I am. I had spoken to him the afternoon of my post, and he admitted he had been on a couple of other dates and apologised for misleading me.

I appreciate all of the comments made. My confusion has been resolved
Thanks again

Micahelxcx

If you are not committed to one another then he is free to date othe women as much as you are entitled to date other men.

If you wanted a more serious relationship then you should have spoken to him about this.

You can't expect to have a 'casual' relationship and for the other half to remain steadfastly loyal to you.

So, the moral of this story is to always communicate with your partner and speak to them about what is worrying or bothering you in your relationship. Otherwise you can see how quickly things can degenerate.
Remember, life is too short.

coconutz

Micahelxcx wrote: »

If you are not committed to one another then he is free to date othe women as much as you are entitled to date other men.

If you wanted a more serious relationship then you should have spoken to him about this.

You can't expect to have a 'casual' relationship and for the other half to remain steadfastly loyal to you.

So, the moral of this story is to always communicate with your partner and speak to them about what is worrying or bothering you in your relationship. Otherwise you can see how quickly things can degenerate.
Remember, life is too short.

Again, I believe you are missing the point I made earlier. I never stated that I expected him to be loyal, I believe my asking him was communicating to him openly, him stating that he did not/had not seen/dated/dating other women on the other hand, therein lay the problem for me. Had he told me he was, it wouldnt have been an issue.

Again, problem is resolved
Thanks

seenitall

Michaelxcx,

what are you on about, importance of communication?!

The only "misunderstanding" that happened here was a guy who was dating someone, lying to her about stopping socialising on a dating site, when all he did was log off, then log on again under a different username, and carry on chatting up other women on there, while lying to them he wasn't dating anyone else. How you can possibly attribute his manipulative and dishonest actions to any lack of communication on OP's part, is beyond me.

THAT is the "moral" of the story.