How to deal with friend?

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one.

Having gone travelling a few years back and through some very difficult times at home I have genuinely changed quite a lot. Basically I've matured and since I've come back home have set about changing my social circle and hanging out with people who are good for me, make me happy and there's no BS with them. They want the best for me and vica versa something I've learnt to be priceless in friends.

However I have a mate (He used to be my best mate) that has started hanging out with this new group. He knew them to say hello to before but through myself has gotten to know them all lately.

Anyway this friend IMO has not grown up at all and it annoys me when he's around. What gets me about him most is his selfishness and I've noticed the only time he ever listens to anyone is if it's about him or if it can benefit him in some way. Also with a few pints on board he can be ridiculously arrogant and an absolute nightmare (I'm not the only one that thinks this).

Another thing he does a lot is criticise me in front of the group if I am talking about something, Which I don't mind at all only for that when i have a comeback ready he's begins this speal about how none knows me like he does followed by some comments Im sure anyone would find offensive.

I ask advice as this weekend he has been texting me childish messages such as "why didnt you call me this weekend?" WTF!!!!! Last time I looked I did'nt have an engagement ring on my finger for him

Anyone deal with anything similar, I don't want him out of my life but talking to him does not help. He becomes seriously defensive etc

Thank you

amybabes

hey op.

I recently had the same thing happen to me with one of my closest friends.
I've been living in Oz a year and am settling here permanently. My friend arrived in march and stayed with me for 6 weeks while getting herself set up.

During this time, our differences that occured over the year i had been away really came to light. I felt so much more grown up and mature. Her behaviour really annoyed me and i felt myself cringing at her behaviour when out and avoiding going home after work because the littlest of things started grating on me. She was very rude to my circle of aussie friends who had made a huge effort to include her and that was the final nail in the coffin. Very similar to yourself, i attribute me growing up faster than her to the fact i've had alot of tragedy in my home life and family the last 5 years, and also im living abroad full time and have set up a home and a life here.

In the end anyway, my friend moved out after a little argument and i havent spoken to her in heading for 2 months. Did get attacked for the fact that i had changed before she left. I just attribute her cutting me off as an even bigger sign of her childishness. She also left me high and dry for 2 weeks rent but whatever.

You can't win em all! I just hope in years to come she realises that people change and mature at different levels, it's not a reason to cut contact completely
You're dead right to cut out the bull****! Life's too short

LegacyUser

unregmate wrote: »

I ask advice as this weekend he has been texting me childish messages such as "why didnt you call me this weekend?" WTF!!!!! Last time I looked I did'nt have an engagement ring on my finger for him

Ha ha, nice sense of humour OP! : )

Your new friends will view this 'friend' in the same way as you do: arrogant, rude etc. His comments will only reflect badly on himself.

He text you at the weekend asking why you didn't text him. This is a perfect opportunity to say exactly what is on your mind. Tell him in plain English that he puts you down in front of your friends and that you're not putting up with it anymore, and that's the reason why you don't contact him. Unless he's thick, he'll take what you're saying seriously.
If he doesn't take it seriously, he might spend a while dragging your name through the mud which shouldn't be a worry for you. Most people can spot a snivelling toe rag (which is what your friend is) and not pay any attention to him. This might go on for a while, and one of two things will happen: he'll get tired of it eventually, or he'll find a new 'friend' to sh*t on. Either way, you're free!

Good luck : )

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, Did't expect any seeing as there were none for a week or so

I texted him Tuesday to see if he would be interested in going for a game of Pitch and Putt yesterday while we were both off work, The response was "so you have decided to talk to me now, Why did you not get back to me last week?"

followed by a couple more similar messages which were along the same lines more a less telling me I had no excuse for not calling him

I just replied that that he needed to stop texting me this kind of stuff - to which he was not happy about at all.

I should never have introduced him to my new friends, I've spent long enough trying to wean his childishness out of my life only to bring him back in.

Im kinda screwed right now - Dont know how to deal with it tbh

seenitall

OP, you will be "screwed", as you put it, as long as you keep contacting your "friend" and letting him get away with guilting you and what not. There is no excuse for him to behave as he is, and I am completely baffled as to why YOU are behaving as if you owed him anything and keep contacting him.

If I were you, I would do as much as possible to distance myself from him to a great degree. I know it is currently not possible for you to cut him off completely since he is already a part of your new circle of friends, but even in this situation you do have the option to minimise contact with him as much as possible and show some spine while dealing with him (e.g. NEVER text him or initiate any kind of contact). Let him know the truth, make him feel he is not welcome, that is the only way his kind understand. If you continue living with this dead weight around your neck, your socialising will become progressively stressful and unenjoyable.

Come on, OP, get some backbone. Stop pandering to the manipulative, arrogant hanger-on. Show him up, have a laugh at his expense. Just don't sit there, take his crap and then moan about being put down in front of your friends. What kind of light do you think your new friends see you in as a consequence of you letting this guy treat you like that?