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should I tell

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  • 31-05-2010 2:53pm
    #1
    cheesey1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭


    I am not currently dating anyone, broke up with my ex a while ago but we still are I guess FB. At the weekend I was out on Saturday night and he was out but went home early. I was a bit tipsy and at the end of the night had been chatting to friends of his and well there are my friends too. Anyway this one friend I ended up kissing him and then he walked me home and came in for a drink and I kissed him again, he stayed the night but nothing happened and to be honest I didn't want anything to happen. he's a great guy but there was no spark and I have no feelings barr friendship with him. The the next morning the ex and I were texting while the other guy was still there (I know please don't judge I know I shouldn't have been). I drop the boy home and then my ex texted to say he might call down and I was like great, sex is always fantastic and I since we are now fb its even better.

    he called down and I didn't know whether I should say that I had kissed his mate the night before and also that he wasn't that long gone home. But I didn't tell him, now we are now dating so I am free to do as I please, if I had sex with the other guy I would not have had my ex over as really that is just unfair to both of them.

    I now am a little worried that one of the other lads will tell him and I wonder should I have told him first?

    thanks.


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    #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - he is your FB.

    That means he has no rights, no hold, no claim.

    All that he owes you and you him - is to be safe....

    Beyond that - if he throws a strop - remind him of that...


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    #3
    KildareCross
    Registered Users Posts: 42 ✭KildareCross


    yea i agree i mean its none of his business really im sure he's jus there for the deed also. So unless you have feelings for him then whats the problem, and if you do have feelings for him you should stop seeing him if its going nowhere


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    #4
    JonathanAnon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,718 ✭✭✭✭JonathanAnon


    Taltos wrote: »
    OP - he is your FB.That means he has no rights, no hold, no claim.
    While this is true, you are likely to cause a LOT of trouble by your actions. Messing round with two friends is never a good idea. Dont know whether you should tell him or not, is he likely to lose the head and go after the other lad?


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    #5
    cheesey1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭cheesey1


    Nothing happened with the other guy, we only kissed nothing else. I agree we don't owe each other anything but to be safe and also if one of us starts to see or sleep with someone else to stop meeting up.


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    #6
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    JonathanAnon wrote: »
    While this is true, you are likely to cause a LOT of trouble by your actions. Messing round with two friends is never a good idea. Dont know whether you should tell him or not, is he likely to lose the head and go after the other lad?

    It is still none of her ex's business.
    Who she meets and what she gets up to is no longer any of his concern.

    However - he does have her over a barrel here - what will the new guy think when confronted with the truth? ... Again guesswork - for all we know the ex could be deliriously happy here - being a fb - gets all the benefits but none of the "baggage" - also none of the closeness - but thats another thread.

    Just be careful OP - only you know your ex - and only you can tell how discrete he will be... Remember - once you are fb's you each have no right or expectation from the other around relationships.


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    #7
    cheesey1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭cheesey1


    My ex is extremely discreet. I know he hasn't told anyone. There is no new guy as nothing is going to happen again, lovely person but I have no romantic interest in him at all, he's a really nice guy but as a friend. Thanks for the replies.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Just something to think about... I agree that you dont have any obligations to tell your ex etc about the kiss but how would you feel if you found out this FB kissed a friend of yours?

    Would you want to know or would you be annoyed/hurt if it happened and he didnt say it to you?

    Just a thought...


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    #9
    cheesey1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭cheesey1


    I would be really upset if he kissed my friend, now this guy is a friend of his but not one of his best friends but either way doesn't make any difference. I had no feelings for the other guy guess its easy to say it was because I was tipsy but either way no excuse.


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    #10
    Cheap Thrills!
    Registered Users Posts: 2,723 ✭✭✭Cheap Thrills!


    Give the ex-lad the heads up in case the other fella mentions it.


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    #11
    cheesey1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭cheesey1


    Hi, haven't been in contact with the ex since Tuesday and it was just by text. This morning I checked fb and had a mail from the other guy, I am friends with both of them on fb. Just asking me if I was set for the bank holiday weekend, how shopping went etc. I replied.

    I know it was only an e-mail but we've been friends on fb for a while and I've never gotten a mail before from him, and just don't want him to think that something else is going to happen as its not, as i said before really nice guy but I am just not romantically interested in him. I know I should probably give the ex the heads up. If I am talking to him this weekend I will but I don't think it is something I should say over a text message.


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    #12
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Hey OP,

    I would probably say something before someone else does. While I completely agree that as a FB he has forgone any right to exclusivity, this is a slightly different scenario in that you have chosen to get involved, however lightly, with one of his friends...which I think is a bit of a risky game to play in terms of reputations and gossip but that's your call.

    Best of luck.


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    #13
    cheesey1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 182 ✭✭cheesey1


    I didn't see the ex over the weekend as i went to a BBQ but did see the other guy and I think he thought we might hook up again, but at the end of the night I just went home. At one stage I turned around on the road and I am nearly 100% sure he was following my friend and I so we hid in someone's driveway and I think he must have turned back, we were kinda freaked out about that.

    So I know a little childish hiding but hopefully he realises now that I don't want to hook up again and just go back to being mates, like we were before we kissed.


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