Girlfriend Clicks Fingers. Help!

ClontarfGuy

My girlfriend clicks her fingers & toes about 30-40 times / day.
She used to do it 70-80 times / day so she's "improved a lot" - she says.

She doesn't understand the impact this is having on us.
It's the first thing I hear as I wake up and I just can't handle it any more.

If we're relaxed watching TV/Film together, she clicks fingers or toes and then I'm 100% on edge & tensed waiting for the next click. I've asked her to just tell me to block my ears when she wants to do it but she refuses to do that as well.

Part of the problem is that she doesn't realise she's doing it until after she's done it.

Who can I ask her to go to professionally to help her with this?
She wants to stop but doesn't know how. Is there a hypnotist or other professional (in Dublin or anywhere else) who might be able to help her?

All suggestions welcome.
Thx
CG

Peggypeg

Sounds like OCD or the like, I'd visit her GP if I were her. For you though I'd just cellotape her fingers together when you're watching a movie or whatever. It's very selfish of her to expect you to put up with it instead of getting it sorted out so I wouldn't put up with it if I were you.

Karmafaerie

I assume you mean "cracks" rather than "clicks" cause I find it hard to imagine somebody clicking her toes West Side Story style.

If it is cracking, then what you have to realise OP is that if you are somebody who cracks their digits, it can be an immense relief.
Cracking of knuckles etc isn't actually cracking.
It's basically poping gas in the joints (and is in no way rubbing of bones, or damaging to the joint).

I crack everything from my toes to my kneck (and all inbetween).
It's unconcious but at the same time cathartic, and it can really relieve preassure.


While yes she could go to see somebody to see about stopping, I have to ask why this is such an issue to you.

IMO the problem lies as much with you as with her.
As you are the one with the problem with the cracking.

Peggypeg wrote: »

Sounds like OCD or the like, I'd visit her GP if I were her. For you though I'd just cellotape her fingers together when you're watching a movie or whatever. It's very selfish of her to expect you to put up with it instead of getting it sorted out so I wouldn't put up with it if I were you.

I'm sorry PP but are you serious?
It's "very selfish" of the OP's girlfriend to do something that she's probably done all her life, and has never had a problem with until her boyfriend comes along.
It's just as selfish for the OP to expect his partner to change something she does, just for him.

I'm a non smoker, but I've gone out with plenty of girls who smoke for instance.
I don't enjoy the smoke, but I accept it.
It doesn't make them selfish!

When you are in a relationship you learn to accept the idyosyncracies of your partner, not demonise them.

ClontarfGuy

Karmafaerie, I've thought a lot about exactly what you said.
It has occurred to me before. Maybe I am the problem and I need to deal with it.

When ever muscle in my body is tensed and on edge waiting for the next crack, it's not healthy for our relationship.

Are you in a relationship? Does your partner crack joints non-stop and if they don't, how do they feel about you constantly cracking/clicking things?

Incidentally, she also wants to stop....

KildareCross

It is hard to know weather the problem is you or her. I mean that would irritate the absolute s*ite out of me but shouldnt you be blind to these things when your in love. It sounds like your just using this as an excuse not to be there

ClontarfGuy

Maybe. I hope I'm not

Karmafaerie

ClontarfGuy wrote: »

Karmafaerie, I've thought a lot about exactly what you said.
It has occurred to me before. Maybe I am the problem and I need to deal with it.

When ever muscle in my body is tensed and on edge waiting for the next crack, it's not healthy for our relationship.

Are you in a relationship? Does your partner crack joints non-stop and if they don't, how do they feel about you constantly cracking/clicking things?

Incidentally, she also wants to stop....

I don't think that you're the problem mate, I just think that it's something that ye need to work at together.
It obviously bothers you, and you can't be expected to just ignore it, but at the same time, it shouldn't be effecting you so badly that you're a nervous wreck.

I have had a few girlfriends in the past that had a problem with it, but never anything to the scale that you seem to be suffering with.
I had a girlfriend who used to rap me on the knuckles whenever I cracked them, but in a joking, light hearted way.

There are a lot of things that always bothered me in relationships too though.
My personal pet peeve is cheese and onion taytos!
I can't stand them!
The smell alone sets me off and you can't imagine how bad it is when you kiss a girls who's just eaten them!
But it's never set me on edge as much as you sem to be.

ClontarfGuy

Tell them to only eat hunky dorys so... lol

So is this cracking OCD? Can people get help via NLP or anything else?
Who would you go to?

LegacyUser

I can't move without cracking alot, I can't help it. My joints get stiff and sore if i don't move them especially my knees.
You seem to just be overly sensitive to it.

Karmafaerie

ClontarfGuy wrote: »

Tell them to only eat hunky dorys so... lol

So is this cracking OCD? Can people get help via NLP or anything else?
Who would you go to?

Cracking can be OCD, but it isn't neceseraly.
It's simply a habit in 99% of the cases.

It's something that releaves preassure, adn in fact, despite the popularised beliefs, an actually be good for your joints.

Its the same as smoking/drinking/picking your nose!
It's just an unconcious habit.

She could see a behaviourable specialist if she did want to stop.

ClontarfGuy

I can't move without cracking alot, I can't help it. My joints get stiff and sore if i don't move them especially my knees.

Everyones bits crack I'm sure. I know mine do as well.
Just non-stop seems to be the thing.

Can anyone recommend a good behavioural specialist?

littlebug

Be thankful it's only her fingers and toes. I crack my knees, hips, ankles, wrists and neck as well as fingers and ... oh wait i don't crack my toes;). IME it's not psychological or even habit. It's a real physical necessity, my joints start to get uncomfortable as the tension builds up if I don't do it. My husband seems to have got used to it though he has been known to almost hit the ceiling in the middle of the night when I crack my hip (that one is really LOUD). I have occasionally been banished from the sofa for over-cracking so the irritation factor seems to diminish if I'm on a different seat. Really this is probably something your girlfriend has no more control than sniffing when she has a runny nose. I don't know if there is an answer to be honest

kjl

I crack my knuckles, toes, knees, neck, elbows and wrists.

It can actually be painful not to crack them. TBH I don't see why you have such a problem with it, lots of people do it. I know some people who are like don't do that to me, and it just annoys me.

You need to relax and forget about it, tune it out. I'm sure you have annoying traits that she puts up with, like farting or what not.

I think you should go home tell your gf today that you are sorry for all the complaining you do about this issue, you know she can't help it and you will not complain about it anymore and the next time it happens just bite your tongue, its only a noise. It doesn't hurt her and it doesn't hurt you, so GET OVER IT.

kjl

ClontarfGuy wrote: »

Can anyone recommend a good behavioural specialist?

Sounds to me like you are the one who needs to go to that appointment, you are the one with the problem.

Kimia

Cracking your hip?? That made me go :eek:

LegacyUser

im with the OP on this one. Cracking knuckles has the same effect on me as someone dragging their nails across a blackboard would have on some people....i couldnt handle it. Now i would never expect someone to completely stop cracking knuckles etc..if thats what they want to do, but 30-40 times a day is quite excessive. Surely she doesnt need to do it that often, esp considering the effect it has on the OP.

ClontarfGuy

She is trying to cut down but ultimately I'm still looking for information I was hoping to get here.

Is cracking your bits OCD, a habit or something else?
What type of professional is likely to be able to help her eliminate this?
NLP / hypnotherapist / acupuncture / other?

Or do folks just not know?
Thx

Karmafaerie

ClontarfGuy wrote: »

She is trying to cut down but ultimately I'm still looking for information I was hoping to get here.

Is cracking your bits OCD, a habit or something else?
What type of professional is likely to be able to help her eliminate this?
NLP / hypnotherapist / acupuncture / other?

Or do folks just not know?
Thx

No it's not OCD.
Yes it can be, but so can turning on a light switch!
Do you think that everyone who turns on the lights must have OCD?!

Your girlfriend has a habit.
Just like some people have a habit of stretching, or swearing, or humming, or snorting when they laugh, or liking to hug, and so on and so on.

It's not harmful either physically or mentally.
It's simply something that she likes to do, and has done for years more than likely.

It's usually down to a flexibility and activity of the joints.
Cracking your knuckles too often can be harmfull, but so can scratching your nose if you do it too much!

As I said before, I crack everything.

My fingers, toes and kneck would be the most common, but also my ankles, knees, elbows, shoulders, back, wirsts etc.....

It's not a compulsion, so it's not Obsesive Compulsive Disorder.
It's the way my body works.

If I was to stop doing it, eventually over a few years it would happen less and less.
My fingers etc would get used to not cracking, the flexibility would lessen, and it wouldn't happen.

However it's not a compulsion.
It's cathartic, relieves preassure, and comforts.
It also loosens the joints.
If I'm going to be typing for instance, cracking my knuckles improves the dexterity in my fingers.
I box and train in MMA, so I have very flexible joints and need them to be so.



To be honest here mate, you are the one who has the problem here.
You have a problem with your girlfriends habit, and you want to bring her to a doctor or hypnotist to change her.

You are not worried about her health or wellbeing, more so your own.

What you have to decide is whether you are willing to overcome something that annoys you in order to be with her.

Cause believe me, maybe she hasn't told you, but there are damn sure going to be things about you that annoy her, but she isn't talking about getting you "fixed".

You have to learn to accept this sort of stuff with peole you go out with.
If you dump every girl that you go out with that has a habit that annoys you, you are going to end up very lonely in the long run.




Now if on the other hand your girlfriend does really want to stop, for herslef, then I'm sure that a behavioral therapist, or even a hypnotist could help her, in the same way as they can help people who want to quit smoking.
Cause it's simply a habit.

Miss Fluff

I really feel for you OP, that would drive me around the twist.Totally. I take it she doesn't work in a client-facing role? Not sure sitting in front of important clients cracking the old joints would give the best of impressions.:eek: Although if she does, and happens NOT to do it then, it goes to show you that she only does it in certain situations/company.

It's a habit and habits simply need to be broken. I know someone who had a habit of spitting constantly (totally disgusting, didn't even realise he was doing it) until his new GF pulled him up on it every single time he did it. This decreased and eventually stopped totally.

I think hypnotherapy is probably the best way forward in this instance. There are a few tips in this link also which make sense in helping her to stop also.

http://www.cixx.com/more/Health_and_Medicine/Anxiety/Nervous_Habit_Breaking_a_Nervous_Habit_in_a_Few_Short_Days/1204

Tbh not just for yourself, but she should really want to break this habit herself. Anytime I see a girl cracking her knuckles it reminds me of one of the characters in Cell Block H wanting to start a fight.....

Karmafaerie

Miss Fluff wrote: »

I really feel for you OP, that would drive me around the twist.Totally. I take it she doesn't work in a client-facing role? Not sure sitting in front of important clients cracking the old joints would give the best of impressions.:eek: Although if she does, and happens NOT to do it then, it goes to show you that she only does it in certain situations/company.

It's a habit and habits simply need to be broken. I know someone who had a habit of spitting constantly (totally disgusting, didn't even realise he was doing it) until his new GF pulled him up on it every single time he did it. This decreased and eventually stopped totally.

I think hypnotherapy is probably the best way forward in this instance. There are a few tips in this link also which make sense in helping her to stop also.

I'm sorry, but are you seriously comparing cracking of joints, to public spitting.

One is an often considered medical treatment (I don't see many people standing outside chiropracters with placards protesting) and the other is the most common way of transferring TB, and a host of other infectious diseases!

Some people really need to get their priorities straight here.

Cracking your knuckles is not "disgusting" it is not "abhorent", and it is certainly not something that somebody should have to go and see a bloody hypnotist for!


I work in a customer facing industry.
And have on loads of occasions.
I used to run a shop for instance, and worked for some time in the hospitality industry.
I'm also fairly athletic, and am a member of a number of sporting clubs, etc.
And I have a fairly large and diverse group of friends and ex partners.

I have never had a problem with cracking my knuckles, and in fact find it insulting at the suggestion.

You may not like something, and you may find it disgusting or bothering, but you are by far in the minority.

Every single person has habits that other people will find annoying, or quirky, or funny, or whatever depending on the person.
I'm sure you don't like cracking of digits, but how would you feel if your loved one told you that your idiosyncracies bothered them so much that you had to go to a hypnotist!

It's unreasonable to the extreme.

And lastly you simply can't compare a harmless, theraputic habit with one that is actually disgusting and can be health effecting for others.

That's akin to comparing tickling to sexual assault!

Have some perspective please.

Miss Fluff wrote:

http://www.cixx.com/more/Health_and_Medicine/Anxiety/Nervous_Habit_Breaking_a_Nervous_Habit_in_a_Few_Short_Days/1204

And exactly what led you to the belief that it's a nervous habit.
The OP's reaction to the cracking is a nervous habit, not the cracking itself.

Miss Fluff wrote:

Tbh not just for yourself, but she should really want to break this habit herself. Anytime I see a girl cracking her knuckles it reminds me of one of the characters in Cell Block H wanting to start a fight.....

And that is your problem.
Not the problem of the person cracking.
If you allow a simple manurism to bring up such thoughts, then that's your predjudice that needs to be looked at TBH.

Miss Fluff

Karmafaerie wrote: »

And exactly what led you to the belief that it's a nervous habit.

Um, the fact that she does it 30-40 times a day! Used to do it between 70-80times a day? She can't actually physiologically need to crack her knuckles that often. If she sleeps for 8 hours a night that means she cracks her knuckles every fifteen minutes throughout her waking hours. (and used to crack them every 7.5 minutes):eek: That is most definitely a nervous habit.

It's like if someone picked their nose every quarter of an hour. Could their body physically produce that much snot every fifteen minutes to require a good dig? Doubtful. Does her body physically need for her to give her knuckles a good crunch CONSTANTLY. I really doubt it. It's a habit. If it's not a habit she would be able to stop doing it immediately.

Karmafaerie

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Um, the fact that she does it 30-40 times a day! Used to do it between 70-80times a day? She can't actually physiologically need to crack her knuckles that often. If she sleeps for 8 hours a night that means she cracks her knuckles every fifteen minutes throughout her waking hours. (and used to crack them every 7.5 minutes):eek: That is most definitely a nervous habit.

It's like if someone picked their nose every quarter of an hour. Could their body physically produce that much snot every fifteen minutes to require a good dig? Doubtful. Does her body physically need for her to give her knuckles a good crunch CONSTANTLY. I really doubt it. It's a habit. If it's not a habit she would be able to stop doing it immediately.

And you don't think that her partner may have been slightly exagerating for emphasis.

Cause he was.

It would be physically impossible to crack your knuckles that often.

I assume that as a non "cracker" you didn't understand this.


Cracking is the pulling apart of the joints which causes air bubles in the fluid that surrounds the joint to pop.
his is the cracking sound that you here.
As I sid previously, it's not the sound of bones or cartilige touching or rubbibg, and has nothing to do with it.

Once you "crack" your knuckles, you are unable to do so again until the gas is reabsorbed into the liquid and forms the air bubbles again.
It may seem to the OP that it's happeneing that often, but that is due to the fact that he is nervously anticipating it.


It's a physical posibility basically, unless the OP is cracking individual joints, one after the other in order to maximise the cracking opertunities.
And lets be honest, that's not happening!

A nervous habit is something that you do as a reaction to utside influences.
The OP's partner is not showing the signs of somebody with a nerous habit.
She is showing the signs of somebody with a habit.
There is a big diffrence.



It's as simple as this.
The OP's partner and 90% of the worlds population aren't bothered by this.
The OP and a small percentage of people are.
He is the one with the problem here.

Cracking of joints is not a "bad" habbit, any more than having an unusual laugh.

Miss Fluff

It is a nervous habit. As is teeth-grinding and nail-biting. It is by it's very definition a symptom of nerves. You obviously are not willing to understand that because you suffer from it yourself.

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Cracking-Your-Knuckles

And you seem very confident indeed that it doesn't bother other people whatsoever. Maybe they are just too polite to say it to your face.

Karmafaerie

Miss Fluff wrote: »

It is a nervous habit. As is teeth-grinding and nail-biting. It is by it's very definition a symptom of nerves. You obviously are not willing to understand that because you suffer from it yourself.

http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Cracking-Your-Knuckles

And you seem very confident indeed that it doesn't bother other people whatsoever. Maybe they are just too polite to say it to your face.

Oh I love the irony.

I who have the habit don't understand, but you who dosn't understand the first thing about it do.

No it is not a nervous habit.
A nervous habit is a habit that has a trigger.
Emotions, stress, being tired, etc casue you to act in a particular way.

A habit is something that you habitualy do, either conciously or unconciously, for a reason.



Cracking your knuckles CAN be a nervous habit, but so can scratching your nose.
Does that mean that everybody who scratches their nose has a nervous habit?

Of course not.

I crack my joints as I happen to be a very flexible person.
Have been since I was a child.
When my joints are stationary the protective fluid around the cartilidge in my joints stiffen, causing the joints to stiffen.
"Cracking" or poping of the gas build up in those joints releases the mild stress for a short period of time, allowing the joints to move freely.
It is not akin to teethgrinding or nail bitting which have no theraputic value, and can be damaging.

I can't help cracking my joints as my hobbies require it, (try and spend hours learning armbar defences without increasing the flexibility in your arms.)
And cracking of the joints is necessary for me.

As I have said on God knows how many occasions now, it is in no way a nervous habit it's a habit.
Please learn the difference.


And please stop transferring your predjudices onto others.



You don't like cracking of nuckles, so so far you've compared it to spitting, picking your nose, grinding your teeth, and bitting your nails.

All which have no common bearing with popping knuckles and all which have medical and health problems.

Stop being so biased.

Miss Fluff

Karmafaerie wrote: »

And please stop transferring your predjudices onto others.

And kindly be open-minded enough to understand that some people find this (nervous) habit annoying, ill-mannered and ignorant.

Karmafaerie

Miss Fluff wrote: »

And kindly be open-minded enough to understand that some people find this (nervous) habit annoying, ill-mannered and ignorant.

I have said that on a number of occasions.
Just like I said that everybody will find somebody that finds their habits annoying.

I'm sure that my cracking and a few other habits I have would be annoying to certain people, but I'm also sure that the same could be said for you and everybody else.
I'm sure my argumentative personality is a lot more annoying for instance!:p

But everyone has these annying habits.

Let he who is witout sin throw stones in glass houses after all.


I also however am sure that you don't try and change somebody that you love.
You except them.
For better and for worse and all that.

If this was a dangerous, or unhealthy, or disgusting habit, then fair enough.
But it's not.

And even then, I don't see how it's the OP's place.
I don't smoke, but if I was going out with a girl who did smoke, I'd never think about suggesting that she go to a hypnotist, for my sake.
It'd fairly draconian don't you think.

I simply think that if the OP can't get over thier partner cracking their knuckles, then he should be the one seeing the behavioral therapist, not her.