Why get in touch now????

LegacyUser

Hi all,


Now but gentle, I know I'm strong and im sure i will be over it in a matter of week or 2 but its just wrecking my head.

Long story short, ex and I started to date when we both had drama in our family, some say it makes people closer some dont in any case we were not your typical couple. Some age difference between us, me older, got to him after a while (friends jealous of our happiness and family concerns) as being from the country its not a common thing, and people get invloved in your business that you want it or not.

I took my distance, it was over a year ago, in between the typical break up...stay in touch trying to be friends but it was killing me inside so after 6 months I got mad as he was always the one gettign in touch and he promised to never be in touch ever again.

we had a relapse few months later, both of us, and HE this time asked for never to contact him ever again and in not so many words pretend i didnt excist.

Its harder for me/us cos we work 2 streets away from each other so lunch time is always, ever since a thought of ..what if i see him...
how can you move on when you know you can run into him anyday of the week!!
funny that he was the one more angry about the the break up when hes the one who broke up.

But, came few months later i had a relapse, i called him drunk and i didnt even say anything on the phone, he was drunk too, i just appologies for calling him really. Dont beat me up for this please, i know it was a big mistake and i felt like a complete idiot to do it so please be gentle. we all make mistakes.

2 months later he calls me out of the blue asking why i had called him, he seemed still angry about the breakup (a year later still) said he loved his gf (didnt know of course he had one) and if i wanted a booty call....clearly he was drunk but really didnt see the need to call me for that then.
I obviously never contacted him after that, having a gf is a big thing and somehow it put closure to our thing for me....that was 4 months ago.

well he called me saturday night. Completly took me by surprised. he actually came over to mine, i thought if he contacted me something must be serious or whatever. thought maybe he had a fight with his gf, but no, all good. if anything he went on to say that she was in the same field then him (a geeky career) that she was talented, and that she was very pretty oh and that she was perfect for him....at this point im thinking, and why the need to tell ME all this!! I was wondering if he was trying to make me jealous, selling her to me or trying to convice himself.
we did kiss but i refused to do more, i got weak for kissing clearly but i could not sleep with him, him coming over brought back up so much in my head! his reasons for coming over varied .. .. he hug me to whisper. i still love you or im still in love with you ( I kind of blank then) i didnt respond to him, didnt know if he meant it or if it was to test me.....then later in the night he said he wanted reassurance and see if he was still wanted, but then went on to say i didnt understand why he broke up etc ....so clearly confusing so i tried to put that aside and figured that the min he would wake up sober he would feel guilty and run!

But no!!! he woke up and stayed in, all morning ony left cos i had to go, we spoke a bit and he said the no contact he asked and never to speak was because he was still hurting from the break up and couldnt hear from me or contact me. he was very affectionate and if things we reverse, no and i had a bf that i so called love i would of never let him come over in the first place. I told him that and also that i had moved on but that i will always care for him. He looked surprised of what i was saying.

Im not sure what im asking here or want, i guess i needed to vent, or maybe hear from people who had been in similar situation, who guys who have acted the same way (your insight would be actually golden!) im sure all of you will say well he wanted a shag and see if i still liked him and maybe you are right, part of me is conflicted, inside of me im split! whatever reason it is i know, i need to forget bout it and move on and i will but its been in my head ever since.
Maybe i just know deep down, just needed to see it written down i guess.

thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

He's a headwrecker, keep well away. He doesn't know what he wants, but in the meantime he'll have a shag thank you very much.

You're better off finding someone who doesn't feel the need to make you jealous.

Giblet

He's a headwrecker. Sever, you're being used. He has a GF and then cheats on her after saying how great she was? Why would you be involved with that?!

LegacyUser

I have difficulty in being touchy feely with people in that it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I don't hug or kiss my family or relatives bar hug my nieces and even that makes me feel uncomfortable. When I was a child one day my dad went to kiss me on the cheek and I took his hand shook it told him I was a man now and a hand shake would do. A big part of the breakdown of my last relationship was because she felt that I didn't love her anymore because I was outwardly showing it.

When I go on dates now its the same thing. I always kiss the girl but don't want to be all over them and after a couple of dates they start to think that there isn't any spark. What I'm asking though is, is there any way around this? It's really frustrating at this stage and I just wish I could be more embrasive of people.

LegacyUser

Thanks,

yes he is a headwrecked to say the least, hes torturing himself more than me really.

I didnt give any reaction when he went on about her, except ..good for you and also she might be his rebound! what else was there to say anyway. and he also felt the need to mention that he never kissed anyone else since seeing her, and that this made him realised that he doesnt want to see anyone else. told him he should of get a shag that night with any other girls, of course he said he didnt want to.
I dont know if it was a case of not knowing what he wants, he has clearly major issues.

Well it feels like i was his therapist there really when you think bout it !!

I think maybe in a relationship anyone needs a little ego boost or whatever at some point and thats when you tend to flirt with girls/guys but if I was seeing a guy and he goes to an ex that would be red flag, the ex theres history its a danger zone.
In any case, its way too soon in his relationship for that especialy when he was with her the night before and all seem good.

Anyway, those are endless scenario....time to forget bout it/him.

Denimgirl

He sounds like he was talking drunken jibberish and he's obviously not inlove with his new gf if he had s£x with you!

Taltos

OP - whether he likes you or not is not the point here.

Let me be blunt (sorry)
1. Age gap - not a biggie
2. Let others determine your relationship - sorry but that is a deal breaker - I mean stinks of immaturity / adolescence
3. Called around for a snog / more while with a GF - wow - clearly he has matured here. Wonder if he was treating you the same way...

Above he was described as a headwrecker. Sorry - but you need to take responsibility for that too. Both of you are feeding into this broken relationship. If it is over - it is over.
Stop pining and move on - he clearly has - and despite what he may say do you really want to be with a cheater.

If he was not a cheater he is now - open your eyes and see him for what he is or what he has become - a user.

Change your number, don't answer the door - and if you see him on the street - just picture his girlfriend and instead of butterflies feel the shame of being the other woman - at least in his head....

Hopefully that will help you move past this child.

LegacyUser

Thanksd for the replies guys

Taltos you are right of course, and I never said I wanted to be with him again btw, It's just human I guess sometimes an ex will come back around and it will distraught you more than another would. Call that the weakest link;)
It's over of course I know its over, it has been headwrecking at times cos when you break up with a girl why would you end up being the angry one! its usually the "dumpee" attitude and for us it has been reversed;/
I'm not pinning for him either, maybe I didnt explain myself properly, I have moved month ago when he called me to said he had a gf, that was the click for me and I never looked back, never thought for a sec that he would ever get in touch again. If you are happy and in love, why would you!

after this I do see him not for what he was, cos he was never like that with me, he is a complete different person and for sure a user now. I kind of lost any sort of little respect for him in a way. If i had a bf, It wouldnt take me to go to an ex and poor it all out for hours to realised i love my current bf! thats just so disfunctional.

Anyway, i guess i just needed people to put it blankly in my face cos like i said it has wrecked my head for a couple days but Im not whinning over it, i will be fine in couple of days, I'm a strong funny person and I will laugh it all out this weekeend! wooo!

Taltos

Cool.

Glad you have it all sorted so.
Just re-read my original post - bit harsh - sorry.

Just folk like your ex tend to annoy me. You have him down pat - a user - through and through.

Have a blast this weekend