Dont know what's wrong with my boyfriend

LegacyUser

We've been together for about 3 years. After few months of being together, I started being too emotional, jealous, and moaned about anything. My mistake. My big mistake. It dragged into big fights, hitting, breaking vases, paintings etc. Crazy.
It was mainly my fault. Unfortunately. What's done it's done...
But... I do want to make it up now...for long time...My bad behavour is over. I know we love each other, we had and we do have some great times together.

I am working on myself and now...for months..I do not believe all this is just my fault that we still argue...He accuses me to what I have done to us in the past, he doesn't let me to change. Last night we had friends over, he completely ignored all of us then he went to sleep, drunk and full of vomit. I helped him, gave him water and kissed him and left him for another 3 hours to rest. Then when friends left, I came back. Had to wake him up to take my hamster from underneath the bed, he got so agressive coz of it, he hit me, called me bitch and didnt let me to cover with the same cover bed. Had to sleep under cold blanket. Today he said that he told me weeks ago that when he is drunk he might be punching me. and i cant say anything to it.

Basically...I can't stand being with him anymore. Whatever I say that he doesnt like he drags it into a big argument/fight. I do love him...and I don't want us to be in such relation.

I told him 2 days ago before going to cinema to take shoes off when he comes into the room, he started an argument over it. Cos..
"I have to be the way he wants me to be, and he can do whatever and I can't say anything to it, and if I dont like it I better pack myself and get out of here" He keeps swearing at me all the time...

Also..for around a year we don't have sex...His friends told me they think he might a gay...
Never seen a guy who doesnt need to have sex, it would help us also! I know it.
He never properly denied when I asked him if he is a gay...his answer was..weird...

Eh so many things..I just want to leave..go back home (we live together), be safe and happy...
Im not happy..He is not happy...This is toxic..but its so hard for me to leave him..What am I gonna do with my hamster?with my job?friends... (i am from poland)

Any ideas what to think/what to do? I know probably most of us will tell me to go back to Poland...but I do love him so much...he is a lovely person and I keep blaming myself for what I did to us in the past...therefore its difficult for me to leave...

LegacyUser

Also wanted to add... he used to take antidepression pills, also when he was younger his parents had to take him to the psychologist as he wanted to commit a suicide.

unattendedbag

It seems like a hard decision to you right now but take a step back and look at the relationship from the outside. He's hitting you, abusing you, not giving any love, treating you like crap. You know the only sensible option is to leave. You said it yourself. Its toxic and you cant be with him anymore. There's no love between you's and your not happy.
Your next step is to take arangements for moving out. Can you stay with friends for a while? can u afford to move in to other shared accomodation? The longer you stay in that mess of a relationship then the more damage you will do to your own mental health and the harder it will be to move on.

rsta

That sounds an awful situation. You know you have got to leave him.

Start making plans now, look in the papers/online for a new place to stay.

Its gonna be hard, but you've got to move away from him.

Denimgirl

This decision is a no brainer and not difficult to know what the best option to take.there is one thing being depressed but another being his punch bag!please get away from him and take your hamster with you!there is only 1 thing you have to change in your life and it's where you live,share a house ask around in work whose looking for a flat mate or has a room in a house to let.you will find one there is so many out there now.Please don't be treated like this move out asap.Be strong and get out of this situation! things will get better!x

m@cc@

idk wrote: »

We've been together for about 3 years. After few months of being together, I started being too emotional, jealous, and moaned about anything. My mistake. My big mistake. It dragged into big fights, hitting, breaking vases, paintings etc. Crazy.
It was mainly my fault. Unfortunately. What's done it's done...
But... I do want to make it up now...for long time...My bad behavour is over. I know we love each other, we had and we do have some great times together.

I am working on myself and now...for months..I do not believe all this is just my fault that we still argue...He accuses me to what I have done to us in the past, he doesn't let me to change. Last night we had friends over, he completely ignored all of us then he went to sleep, drunk and full of vomit. I helped him, gave him water and kissed him and left him for another 3 hours to rest. Then when friends left, I came back. Had to wake him up to take my hamster from underneath the bed, he got so agressive coz of it, he hit me, called me bitch and didnt let me to cover with the same cover bed. Had to sleep under cold blanket. Today he said that he told me weeks ago that when he is drunk he might be punching me. and i cant say anything to it.

Basically...I can't stand being with him anymore. Whatever I say that he doesnt like he drags it into a big argument/fight. I do love him...and I don't want us to be in such relation.

I told him 2 days ago before going to cinema to take shoes off when he comes into the room, he started an argument over it. Cos..
"I have to be the way he wants me to be, and he can do whatever and I can't say anything to it, and if I dont like it I better pack myself and get out of here" He keeps swearing at me all the time...

Also..for around a year we don't have sex...His friends told me they think he might a gay...
Never seen a guy who doesnt need to have sex, it would help us also! I know it.
He never properly denied when I asked him if he is a gay...his answer was..weird...

Eh so many things..I just want to leave..go back home (we live together), be safe and happy...
Im not happy..He is not happy...This is toxic..but its so hard for me to leave him..What am I gonna do with my hamster?with my job?friends... (i am from poland)

Any ideas what to think/what to do? I know probably most of us will tell me to go back to Poland...but I do love him so much...he is a lovely person and I keep blaming myself for what I did to us in the past...therefore its difficult for me to leave...

Sorry to hear your story OP. Firstly, let me say, violence in a relationship is not your fault. It is 100% his fault, there is absolutely no excuse for it. You being emotional and jealous might be a pain but if he is any kind of decent human being, he will sit down with you like an adult and discuss it with you. Also, with the greatest respect, a lot of your emotional behaviour seems to be caused by his actions.

If your relationship is ruled by fear the what kind of relationship is it you have got. You only have one life, one oppourtunity to be happy and it's up to you to do the things that make you happy. You have said he is a lovely person but in my opinion, lovely people do not punch their girlfriends and call them a 'bitch' no matter how intoxicated they are. Is is possible you're too close to him to see this?

The issues with his depression and sexuality are his problems to sort out. You don't owe him your life to hang around and be his emotional crutch.

Leaving him will seem scary but lets face it, the prospect of spending the rest of your life with him should seem far scarier. You don't have to go back to Poland, just break up with him and move your stuff out. Bring a friend along with you to take your stuff if you feel he may turn violent. Ireland is a big country (well not really) but it's big enough for you to make a life for yourself.

All the best.