An Open Feedback Thread

MrSir

This thread is to encourage people to show songs which they have written in the hope of feedback and all in one forum and not just focusing on one person but more a group style thing. I'll start with my own song which I feel is rather terrible but I'm pretty pessimistic when it come's to me and anything. I was going for a grunge style thing here.It's only a little weird.Maybe.
Eyes can glisten
And people can listen
But not when you need it
Air keeps escaping
So I guess I’m not dead
Do what you will
I’m away
How did you spend your day?
How did My God
They won’t understand
Maybe I don’t understand
This is beauty
This is coldness
People see, believe and forget anyway

Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Blood in the water
In the shower
Time passes just for that fatal hour
I didn’t even notice
Those are from the swings
I prayed you wouldn’t see
I pray for so many things
A man I’m no man
Daddy likes fun games
They seem to end the same
Mommy’s a bitch
Mommy’s a whore
Start of the end
I wish she knew more
Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Here’s a little something
For a little of nothing
But it don’t feel free
It looks like milk
It comes out with ****
I’ve glued my eyes to the floor
It takes some light to make a shadow
I licked the bitter arrow
It will be over soon son
**** you you heard
Please say you didn’t hear
Life collapsed on itself
Lost in a cave of existence
Done, done, done for good son

Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Daddy came home
Daddy came home

zippygirl

I have actually always wondered how one begins writing a song?
Is this like writing a poem and then just adding music to it, or how does it work?!

MrSir

zippygirl wrote: »

I have actually always wondered how one begins writing a song?
Is this like writing a poem and then just adding music to it, or how does it work?!

I wouldn't say it's like a poem because with lyrics you can screw around with structure a little bit.The best way to learn to write lyrics is just to read them until you find your style of voice.

niallon

The poem approach can work though. I started writing when I decided to put a poem I had written to music. The rhyming structure will already be there and so your finished product will sound like a song and then encourage you to think more along the lines of songs than poems.

Malice

I changed the word forum to thread for clarity as when I saw the thread title I thought the OP was looking to start a new forum or something .

Oink

zippygirl wrote: »

I have actually always wondered how one begins writing a song?
Is this like writing a poem and then just adding music to it, or how does it work?!

Oh Jayze. A whole can o'worms there....

You can add lyrics to the music, music to the lyrics, write them both at the same time. It takes anytime between 20 min to 10 years... Sometimes you have to work at it like a dog, sometimes your first draft is a work of genius.

For more details see the numerous threads started on the subjct. Good luck!

(EDIT: Oops. resurrecting a dead thread here...)

Malice

Oink wrote: »

(EDIT: Oops. resurrecting a dead thread here...)

The thread isn't dead, it's just sleeping!

zippygirl

Oink wrote: »

Oh Jayze. A whole can o'worms there....
You can add lyrics to the music, music to the lyrics, write them both at the same time. It takes anytime between 20 min to 10 years... Sometimes you have to work at it like a dog, sometimes your first draft is a work of genius.
For more details see the numerous threads started on the subjct. Good luck!
(EDIT: Oops. resurrecting a dead thread here...)

Thank you Oink!
Yes, I was pretty much sure that's how it goes.... with a flow :cool:

Lithium.

zippygirl wrote: »

I have actually always wondered how one begins writing a song?
Is this like writing a poem and then just adding music to it, or how does it work?!

Music comes first , lyrics come second

Nailz

This is my workings for an Avant Garde song, suppose to be screamed and whispered in separate parts... No offence is meant to be caused in the lyrics, it's a song based on nothing, it's music related and hard to explain, it's kind of a dark sarcasm.

Title: Septisks Izvarošana

Dilirium tremens draws incessantant kills
****ed by Icarus and Hitlers' dog
Clown frowns and bells sound
With stabbing motions in the fog

Trip the sheeps nest by fertilisation
Hasty shag fag
Knife ****ed brains
No pig trusted in the nation

DOLOUR
RAPE THE TAILORS
YOUR DECISION
SPANG THE ABJECTION

DOLOUR DOLOUR DOLOUR

gavitron22

Lithium. wrote: »

Music comes first , lyrics come second

well, that's one way of looking at it, and more common, but some say that this leads to a mere superimposition lyrics, it used to be looked at as worse of a thing than now, when people were into naturalism and that sorta stuff

that's not very well explained... you know what i mean.... sorta....

Caught

MrSir wrote: »

I wouldn't say it's like a poem because with lyrics you can screw around with structure a little bit.The best way to learn to write lyrics is just to read them until you find your style of voice.

Haha x50. [I didnt wanna annoy yous with loads of haha's]. My first few songs make me cringe so much. The style was horrible. I would of never been able to sing it! It is so hard for me to sound half decent. I wrote the worst lyrics ever too. I was like "OMG, what was I like?" when I read back over them a few months ago. Then again, I was twelve. It was [literally] years ago like... I'm sure I'll say that in a few years though too. Not thinking that about ones from last year though really. Progress.

I liked the OPs lyrics, only I couldnt find a rhythm really. I couldnt put any melody to it at all in my head, so it was basically a poem. And it kinda scared me... I thought it was talking about a murder and I ususally write songs about something I could relate to... I doubt you've been murdered like.. Kinda scary.

Parawhore.xD

Though I'd post something I wrote recently, after a long time not writing for various reasons, I wrote this at about 2am so apologies! :P
*No Title*
You caught me, when I fell so far,
And I acted, like you could do no wrong,
But I knew, I knew it all along,
That you were the one who pushed me, first of all

I'm not weak,
I'm not weak, anymore,
I'm not weak,
I'm not weak, I am so strong.

I forgave you, like it was okay,
But I still think, about what you did, every single day,
I don't think that, I've ever cried so hard,
And i'm not convinced, you can't die from a broken heart..

But I'm not weak,
I'm not weak, anymore
I'm not weak,
I'm not weak, Because now you made me strong.

And you lost me,
And it'll never be the same,
Yet I miss you,
And yet I still call you, my friend

:oIt's pretty much your average teenage girl's melodrama but whatever..:P

Nailz

I'm not a big lyrics fan, I'm more of a fan of something that sounds good with whats going on. But if there's one thing that gets on my tits it is whingy teeny bopping emo rock pop lyrics like the above! If you're going to write songs about a missing love or someone who betrayed you, be a bit more evil about it ffs.

vinniefly

Nailz wrote: »

I'm not a big lyrics fan, I'm more of a fan of something that sounds good with whats going on. But if there's one thing that gets on my tits it is whingy teeny bopping emo rock pop lyrics like the above! If you're going to write songs about a missing love or someone who betrayed you, be a bit more evil about it ffs.

dude, i think your wrong to dismiss someones lyrics because you don't like the genre... from what i see parawhore.xd was writing lyrics from an experience, which is great... and you could apply them to any kind of music cuz its universal.. not having a go at ya but i don't like seein people shot down for speaking their mind in a song... thats the whole idea of having lyrics,

Nailz

I'm not shooting her down, I didn't intend to anyway, I was only expressing an opinion; I am just not a big lyrics fan ingeneral, but in such cases it's need to open a song up to a bigger meaning, but that only goes if it is musically sound (no pun intended), as that is priority NO. 1! I have only ever writen when I thought it soundednice with the song, but most of the time in my style of music I don't write lyrics (rarely anyway), I use the voice like it's an instrument.

But as regards the type of lyrics in which were highlight in my previous, it might be harsh, but it's something that I believe should only be expressed in something as personal as poetry. But it's the style of lyrics that is used to sell records, and has been repeated numerous times in different fashions, in that style of music it works. That's why the genre got the name "Emo", it's about the same old bull**** everytime and it sells, I have better things to be doing than writing love songs for my whole discography, it's music and I focus on that alone, but if something is there to be spoken, sung, screamed over there are more fish to fry than emo topics.