Family Loyalty

LegacyUser

Right long story had a row with my brother in my folks house about 9 months ago, havent really spoken since his girlfriend was there during the row he insists i have to apologise to them both before we can move on, At the time he had moved back in with the folks after he left his wife after 1 year marriage. His new girlfriend moved in (after she had some issue with her landlord - a load of bull in my opinion).
Folllowing the row if I called to the house either on my own/ with my wife and kids they would hide upstairs not coming down till we left he is 28 btw.
This went on for about 5 - 6 weeks till they moved out suddenly,he informed parents they were going, she never even thanked them for letting her live there for 8 months also she owed them money for rent and bills just left them high and dry. They moved miles away since then he pops in to see folks she ignores them , when asked will she talk to them again he has no answer.
My mother sent her down a present a xmas time again no words from her. To recap they had no row with her all they did was put a roof over her head when she was stuck.

My issue amongst others is my 2 sisters older than me in their 30's know my brothers girlfriend ignores my folks technically robbed them and treated them terrible and what do they do they still talk to her, if he calls to there house with her they let her in they do not challenge her why she is treating them this way. How can they talk to someone who ignores and treats there parents this way. As for my brother I have given up on him if he is happy living with someone like that then he deserves a miserable life

muinteoir09

Families can be a nightmare. You're right to just cut your brother out IMO. Anyone who says that you must make an effort with your family is absolutely full of it.

But, if your sisters want to have a relationship with their brother and his girlfriend, there is nothing you can (or should) do about it. Just make sure you are there for your parents if they need you.

tenchi-fan

You could apologise to him for "things that were said by both sides" as a compromise to accepting all blame.

He could then relay the message to his girlfriend, and it should smooth things over a little.

But, honestly, it doesn't sound like either of them are worth any more effort.

I heard a story recently. A man and his girlfriend were away for a weekend. He asked his sister to feed his dog while he was away. She got the bus to his house, fed the dog, and at some stage phoned her mother.

A month later the man visited his mother with his phonebill.. 50c for a call to a mobile. His girlfriend sent him with the bill for the price of the phonecall!

Some women are despicable - jealous of their boyfriend's mothers and sisters! The only thing worse are their spineless boyfriends.

Edgedinblue

muinteoir09 wrote: »

Families can be a nightmare. You're right to just cut your brother out IMO. Anyone who says that you must make an effort with your family is absolutely full on it.

Best advice ive heard in ages!

I hate families

ninjasurfer1

family loyalty wrote: »

Right long story had a row with my brother in my folks house about 9 months ago, havent really spoken since his girlfriend was there during the row.
Folllowing the row if I called to the house either on my own/ with my wife and kids they would hide upstairs not coming down till we left he is 28 btw.

Maybe he didn't want to cause any more fuss in your parents home, and thereby force them to take sides?

family loyalty wrote: »

My mother sent her down a present a xmas time .

Sounds like your parents are willing to make the effort to interact with your brothers new partner?

family loyalty wrote: »

My issue amongst others is my 2 sisters older than me in their 30's.......they still talk to her,.

Sounds like you are the only one in your family unwilling to talk to your brother....

family loyalty wrote: »

As for my brother I have given up on him if he is happy living with someone like that then he deserves a miserable life

Can you/should you not be happy for your brother that he has a second chance at finding happiness in his life, regardless of your feelings for the girl in question?
It sounds as if you are the only person in the family who has issues with his new girl? For the sake of the family, i would suggest that you bury whatever feelings you may have regarding his new partner lest you drive a wedge between you and the rest of your family.

Agree to disagree perhaps?

LegacyUser

I have made the effort since the row sure 2 days after the row I walked into a shop and he was in there with her i went over and said hello and tried to move things on she walked straight out and he followed her out the door.
I invited him to one of my childrens birthday when they were 1 it was a big deal because the child had a terrible year with hospitals and not being well from birth so we made a big deal I sent him a text and told my parents to say it to him he didnt turn up he never even text back to say he could nt make it and I know for a fact he got it.
Ninja surfer the girl does not talk to my parents she left owing them money when my mother made the effort to send her a xmas present she didnt even acknowledge it, if someone done that to your parents or someone you care about would you talk to them as if they done nothing wrong.
I will give you an example of how he puts her before his family. About 18 months ago our father had a sudden heart attack I rang and told him from the hospital at 11PM on the night of the heart attack I said to him if he can come back to dublin straight which he said he would he turned up about 8pm the following night nearly 24 hours later and brought his girlfriend into the intensive care unit to see my father when everyone had been told it was just the immediate family (my father hadnt even met her before this)He was literally a 1.5 hour drive away and he turns up as if he just got in from timbukutu. I had been ringing and texting to see where he was all day like others and when he turns up what was the earth shattering engagement he had to keep her nieces birthdays party.FFS how I didnt put him in intensive care there and then.

Peggypeg

Hey OP,

Families are important BUT not when they're knobs. Like if Hitler's brother came on here I doubt we'd be telling him to try hard to keep in with his brother, would we? It is really pants that he's just a crap brother/son but unfortunately we can't pick our familes. My advice is to cut him out, only talk/contact him when it would upset your parents if you didn't. His girlfriends sounds like a right user, just avoid her like the plague. Don't worry about them either, people like that get their cummuppance when people eventually see through them and cut them out and they will eventually see through them. I wouldn't be tripping over myself to get back friends with them. Fair play to your sisters for putting up with them, I'd say they're only putting up with them for the families sake. My advice; ignore and avoid.

LegacyUser

Well i cant say I agree that they should be commended for "putting up with them" in my book they should be made to see thats its not right to carry on like this. What they (sisters) should do is not let her off and him too with this crap of ah I know you treated my folks terrible but sure come on in for a cup of tea.