I need to leave but she needs me

LegacyUser

I'm 20 and I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 22 months. I was in love, or at least I thought it was, and I'd never been happier, but my happiness has started to wane steadily over the last couple of months and I now feel like we're just not destined to be together. We did well to get through my first year in college where we were in different counties. The distance was never a problem, and we're back close again. But still something is not right and I don't actually know what it is. That's not the problem though, because I know I should end it but...

She is still clearly no less in love with me as she was a year ago, and it pains me to think that she's not getting these feelings reciprocated anymore. I can never find the right time to end it either. It's not her fault, but everything she does makes me feel guilty! Writes me sweet birthday and christmas cards, hand-makes me very personal presents (we both do that) even when she looks at me I can see how much she adores me and it hurts so much.

I'm worried also what she might do if I was to break up with her. She's always telling me how much she needs me (in an appreciative not a needy way) and how she doesn't know what she'd do without me, because she does need support some times for some hardships in her life, and I'd feel terribly guilty for leaving her with no-one. But I can't go on pretending any more. (I suppose I first seriously thought about breaking up 6 months ago, I mentioned it but we were both drunk, we cried, and out of guilt more than anything else I stayed with her) I still care for her deeply and I know she deserves someone who can give her the love and attention back. She has also fallen out with a lot of her friends (they weren't great friends to be fair) and spends almost all her time with me and talking to me. She will eventually find a guy that will treat her right because she is wonderful, but I know her well enough to worry about how she'll cope in the meantime. She'll find it hard to trust other guys again, and she could be alone for a while, because she told me she was about to give up on relationships when she met me.

I feel like ****, but what can I do. Draw it out until we're married and hate each other?
I'm already starting to resent being in the relationship and it's begining to show.. I'm constantly on a short fuse, I snap at her and get in a bad mood a lot. She's sitting her leaving cert soon and I don't want to be worrying her now as it could jepordize her whole future. I was thinking of waiting until after the exams, but then it will just devestate her on the day she's supposed be relieved celebrating! She's bought her debs dress and she's so excited, my best friend's band is playing at it too. And a few days ago she just showed me a photo her lovely old granddad sent her of the three of us, it put a lump in my throat. Can anybody see my predicament? Am I doing the right thing holding off till after the exams? Has anybody been in a similar situation?

I just feel like I'm dying a little every time the thought of leaving her crosses my mind.

LegacyUser

your gona just have to be honest with her and tell her how your feeling! if you prefare u can wait til she sits all her exams and then when you do tell her just be there and listen to her if she wants to talk or text but it will eventually fizzle out it will take awhile!
no break ups are fun
if you keep bottling it up you will start to change especially when you drink and resent things!! shes gonna feel insecure and prob say things she doesnt mean to make you feel as crap as her! but believe me she will thank you in the end for being honest and not just going along with the flow!
best of luck

dublingal80

id i was in your situation i would wait till after the exams. i was broken up with last week and its heart breaking. like you, i think he just fell out of love with me and like your girlfriend, i adored him, never saw it coming and never had any fights or anything.
I couldnt imagine having to try and sit exams feeling the way i am feeling. i can barely function as it is. Let her have the time to study and let her focus on her exams and then once they are over, be honest with her

she will be ok. she will eventually get over you. you just do what you need to do.

sexdwarf

+1 on waiting until after the exams.

An ex of mine dumped me 3 days before my finals and it was all I could do to concentrate on my notes through the haze of tears

ash23

I'd wait until after the exams. But don't feel bad OP.
She might be upset at first but in time she'll realise it was the right thing to do if you don't love her anymore.

But don't be weak. If you do it then stick to it. No matter if she begs and pleads you need to just keep telling her you don't love her anymore.

It will suck but if you get back with her out of guilt it will be worse.

Believe it or not, you aren't irreplacable and she will move on and get over you. I'm assuming she's about your age so she has many many years to meet someone who will return her feelings and she will be much happier than if you continue to stay with her out of obligation and fear of hurting her.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for the advice so far.

Sorry to hear that dublingal, I hope I don't sound insensitive talking about how bad I feel and I'm the one doing the breaking up. I guess it's because I know how much it'll hurt her that's making me feel like this.

Ash, I'm under no disallusion that I'm irreplaceable. I just want to know if there's any way I can help her see that without putting up too much of a fight? I guess she's as entitled to fight for us as I am to end it, I'm just worried my guilt might get the better of me again.

But yeah we're both young, probably too soon to be getting that serious anyway. Part of me even misses single life, even though I was never a 'player' and all but one of my closest friends are in long term relationships over 2 years.