Paranoid Mother

Jennymac

As far back as I can remember my mother bad mouthed our next door neighbour. In her own mind all her problems were caused by this neighbour. my mother constantly told us we would move house and for years we viewed showhouses at the weekend, happy in the belief that she would pick one of these houses and we would move. We never moved house, she blamed our father for this saying that he did not want to move house.
When our neighbour died she began to complain about the widower husband. At one point she said he was spying on her and that she could see a tiny camera in the eye of his stained glass ornamental parrot hanging on his front door. She often waved at this ornament when she was leaving or arriving back at her house. When he died the focus of her problems became the neighbour on the other side of her terraced house. This neighbour is a very quiet pleasant woman who has always been very kind to my mother however today mother said to me that if any of her children greeted this woman then they were finished with mother. The current problem is that the neighbour had new gutters installed and mother said that another neighbour told her that water was' gushing down our walls on the front of the house' any time it rained as the joint where our gutters and the new gutters met allowed this to happen. My sister organised mother to get new gutters herself which cost 1000 E and since that time mother is consumed with anger towards this neighbour saying that the neighbour never told her she was getting new gutters and indeed had them installed when mother was away and never so much as came in to apologise for having that done.
Us, her children have discussed the problem but do not wish to get involved or talk to the neighbour as we feel that there really is no 'problem' and it is just mother's paranoia once again. Mother is always prepared to bring up this problem whenever one of us meets her and gets very angry with us when we say that we would rather not talk about this topic. She calls us disloyal and tells us that there is a ' circle' within her family where she is discussed and criticized but that she is not 'allowed' tell any of her children her problems. Help please needed!

sam34

you really need to go to your mothers doctor and tell him/her all of this, so that your mother can be further assessed and treated

Denimgirl

Jennymac wrote: »

As far back as I can remember my mother bad mouthed our next door neighbour. In her own mind all her problems were caused by this neighbour. my mother constantly told us we would move house and for years we viewed showhouses at the weekend, happy in the belief that she would pick one of these houses and we would move. We never moved house, she blamed our father for this saying that he did not want to move house.
When our neighbour died she began to complain about the widower husband. At one point she said he was spying on her and that she could see a tiny camera in the eye of his stained glass ornamental parrot hanging on his front door. She often waved at this ornament when she was leaving or arriving back at her house. When he died the focus of her problems became the neighbour on the other side of her terraced house. This neighbour is a very quiet pleasant woman who has always been very kind to my mother however today mother said to me that if any of her children greeted this woman then they were finished with mother. The current problem is that the neighbour had new gutters installed and mother said that another neighbour told her that water was' gushing down our walls on the front of the house' any time it rained as the joint where our gutters and the new gutters met allowed this to happen. My sister organised mother to get new gutters herself which cost 1000 E and since that time mother is consumed with anger towards this neighbour saying that the neighbour never told her she was getting new gutters and indeed had them installed when mother was away and never so much as came in to apologise for having that done.
Us, her children have discussed the problem but do not wish to get involved or talk to the neighbour as we feel that there really is no 'problem' and it is just mother's paranoia once again. Mother is always prepared to bring up this problem whenever one of us meets her and gets very angry with us when we say that we would rather not talk about this topic. She calls us disloyal and tells us that there is a ' circle' within her family where she is discussed and criticized but that she is not 'allowed' tell any of her children her problems. Help please needed!

is your mother bored by any change?she may have too much time on her hands and too much time to think about sillt things,though the gutter thing you can't blame her for with water gushing in her walls and her having to pay out all that money i'd be angry too.try the sympathetic approach with your mam i know you probably have but just say i know the neighbour does have some cheek but what can ye do you can't fall out with her maybe she did'nt realise!try nd get yoour mam out or incourage her to do things theres great social clubs for senior citizens

dan_d

Probably should go see a doctor. And encourage her out of the house..

Cheap Thrills!

Your Mother is mentally unwell.

She needs to be brought to the GP and then referred on to a psychiatrist.

These thoughts she is having are called paranoid delusions. It could be difficult to get her to co-operate with treatment as she is obviously not aware there is a problem.

But there is a very serious problem.

Denimgirl

Cheap Thrills! wrote: »

Your Mother is mentally unwell.

She needs to be brought to the GP and then referred on to a psychiatrist.

These thoughts she is having are called paranoid delusions. It could be difficult to get her to co-operate with treatment as she is obviously not aware there is a problem.

But there is a very serious problem.

Some people get a strong dislike about someone and keep banging on how much they can't stand them!that does'nt mean she's mentally ill!! it's very unfair to give a diagnosis of someones mental health online about somebodys mother you have never met because she does'nt like her neigbhour and she is angry coz she had to pay a grand for a new gutter because of her.are you qualified to make these assumptions? You could very well upset the OP with your "unqualified diagnosis"thinking her mother is losing your mind!not good!

up for anything

Jennymac wrote: »

she began to complain about the widower husband. At one point she said he was spying on her and that she could see a tiny camera in the eye of his stained glass ornamental parrot hanging on his front door. She often waved at this ornament when she was leaving or arriving back at her house.

I think this bit points to something other than anger about the gutters especially as it happened before the gutter incident.

Has your mother ever said anything else that could not be put down to just sheer bloody-mindedness.

ETA: It seems to be solely the mother's belief that the gutters caused problems. The OP states that herself and her siblings feel that there is no problem.

LegacyUser

Without knowing more about the situation, it is hard to come to conclusions.
But you can be sure it is more than anger over gutters or taking a strong dislike to someone, and it ain't boredom either.

From what you tell us, there are strong signs of some mental illness or personality disorder. But you really need to get some help and advice from your GP

Jennymac

thanks everyone for the advice. Definitely going to pay a visit to her doctor to talk about her constant paranoid ideation. As I said as far back as I can remember she constantly complained about another close neighbour. In the last 25 years she has had many medical problems (none life threatning) and in each case she has felt that the doctors had 'botched' the operation.In all cases she verbally abused the consultant and was antagonistic towards the staff. She goes to serveral outpatient clinics in a Dublin hospital and seems to have constant complaints about the doctors. This is in spite of getting the best of care since she had an accident 3 years. She has 7 hours home care each week and 7 children who are constantly in contact with her, inviting her out for lunch, bringing her shopping etc and helping her with any other issues she has. I think we are worn out with her constant complaining about the neighbours and being in extremely bad humour and prepared to row with us if we do not agree with her or if we say that we would rather not talk about this particular issue. I think her problem is anxiety/depression.

stinkle

Hi, you mention that she has home care visits. Would it be possible to mention your concerns to whoever does that? I'm not too familiar with how it works. If there's a district nurse that calls in on your mum then maybe talk to them too. Trust me, they've seen everything and might be able to shed some light on what's going on with your mum and how to deal with it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

either way you are worried about your mother, she has probably led a long life and sometimes unhappiness manifests in different ways, what does your Dad think of this, she may have a point in that she feels unheard, like most women of your mums generation were from fairly traditional times and if she was a stay at home mum she may have projected some of her frustrations onto neighbours. So the problem underlining is your mothers happiness, i think it is worth seeking further advice like from a therapist or someone who could guide you through having to deal with this, All the best.

Jennymac

Spoke with her doctor this morning. He tells me that she continually complains about her medical condition and nothing he does seems to alleviate her condition in her opinion. He says he will try his best to tlk to her about depression. I feel he is a very caring kind doctor.

stinkle

good to hear the doc was so helpful if there are any other strange things about her behaviour then maybe keep him informed. my mum had a really bad time of it with her own mum, and talking to my gran's doc about her behaviour over time really helped her situation a lot because he took her story very seriously and treated the whole situation quite sensitively too, without upsetting anyone. I hope your situation starts to get easier now