missing him_what to do?

longneck

been texted and phoned by a guy for past year on a daily basis and we get on great,however he would never really tell me what (if anything ) was going on.met him a month ago and told him all his contact was wrecking my head as i did'nt know what was going on.since then our contact is down to once a week.while thats made things easier for me in my head,i actually find myself missing his friendship and long chats.i've been telling myself that i must have just been some sort of ego boost for him and that once i got pushy,he ran for cover.what does everyone else think?

longneck

thanks sunflower.i guess i knew that sort of,but like i said i sort of miss him.not sure now whether to contact him and just say bye,or just leave it and delete numbers,emails etc.he still dips in and out just to say hi,stuff like that.

Denimgirl

longneck wrote: »

thanks sunflower.i guess i knew that sort of,but like i said i sort of miss him.not sure now whether to contact him and just say bye,or just leave it and delete numbers,emails etc.he still dips in and out just to say hi,stuff like that.

Just move on and frankly i would'nt be friends with him but if you feel like he has'nt led you on like flirting with you and that and genuinly was being just friendly with you,then just keep it as mates you may need to stop contact for a while to get on with yoiur own life.you need to think of yourself and your needs at the moment

Miss Fluff

Sounds like he is attached. I'm on a dating website and I'd say roughly about 30% of the guys on there are attached. They are big into the email chats/texts/IM/phonecalls but delay meeting between one thing and another. Don't waste your time/wreck your own head/get upset over him. He sounds like an attention wh0re who is most probably in a relationship and just loves the attention and having his ego stroked by a single girl like your good self. I wouldn't bother emailing him again. Delete him from your phone/your IM list and everything else and just don't waste another moment on him. He's a messer who is not actually interested in anything more than the attention m'dear!

lillywhite1

longneck wrote: »

been texted and phoned by a guy for past year on a daily basis and we get on great,however he would never really tell me what (if anything ) was going on.met him a month ago and told him all his contact was wrecking my head as i did'nt know what was going on.since then our contact is down to once a week.while thats made things easier for me in my head,i actually find myself missing his friendship and long chats.i've been telling myself that i must have just been some sort of ego boost for him and that once i got pushy,he ran for cover.what does everyone else think?

I am not sure what you mean in this. Did you meet him on a web site? Did you meet him for the first time a month ago? Had you known him before a year ago? What did you actually say to him? Like, did you ask him if he wanted to be more than friends?

And the previous post is right how were you being pushy? That would drive me around the bend?

longneck

knew him years ago,in fact would have a bit of history,then no contact for years.i do'nt think i was that pushy,i mean i did'nt ask for marriage or anything.i just asked him what all the contact was about, was it just friends or progressing to something else, as not knowing was really confusing to me.he goes from being friendly to flirtatious to serious about our relationship.

lillywhite1

longneck wrote: »

knew him years ago,in fact would have a bit of history,then no contact for years.i do'nt think i was that pushy,i mean i did'nt ask for marriage or anything.i just asked him what all the contact was about, was it just friends or progressing to something else, as not knowing was really confusing to me.he goes from being friendly to flirtatious to serious about our relationship.

So you had a history means you were involved for however briefly in the past and not he turns up out of the blue a year ago? Did he just start texting you or did you meet first and then the texting started.
When you say 'serious about the relationship', what do you mean?

Btw I hope you don't find these questions annoying.

longneck

do'nt mind all the questions!!made contact with each other out of the blue on fb.then the texting started.always initated by him,morning,noon and night.phone calls every day,again always him ringing.like i said before,all started out friendly enough but then went to a different level, almost sexting(if that makes sense),then to lots of deep and meaningful stuff.we planned to meet several times but fell through,mostly because he admitted to being very nervous.anyhow,we did meet,had a laugh,nothing else.then i asked for clarity,now minimal contact.
i'm not heartbroken or anything,in fact i feel a bit p***ed off that he just dropped me like that.am just wondering should i tell him that or just let him off the hook and chalk it up to being played.

shellyboo

Um, let me get this straight, OP.

You said: "all this contact is confusing me"
You meant: "I want to know if you really like me"


He hears: "All this contact is confusing me"

...and so decreases contact, presumably for your benefit since you said it was confusing you.

And now you're wondering why he's not contacting you as much? Because you basically told him not to contact you as much.

If you like him, ask him out on another date and tell him you'd like to get to know him better/see more of him/see if there's something between you. Then you'll get the answer you're looking for - if you ask the right questions.

longneck

oh!!!!!!!!!! never thought of it like that

lillywhite1

shellyboo wrote: »

Um, let me get this straight, OP.

You said: "all this contact is confusing me"
You meant: "I want to know if you really like me"


He hears: "All this contact is confusing me"

...and so decreases contact, presumably for your benefit since you said it was confusing you.

And now you're wondering why he's not contacting you as much? Because you basically told him not to contact you as much.

If you like him, ask him out on another date and tell him you'd like to get to know him better/see more of him/see if there's something between you. Then you'll get the answer you're looking for - if you ask the right questions.

Pretty good point and it will certainly sort out the situation. Though I presume that you did not put the question like that and without any context. If someone said that to me I think I would know what the real question is. But as shellyboo says, ask the right questions!

shellyboo

longneck wrote: »

oh!!!!!!!!!! never thought of it like that

Seriously, OP... men are not stupid but they are straightforward. They don't do half as much agonising or over-analysing as women do. You told him that all the contact was confusing, that it was a negative thing... so he backed off, which is perfectly logical!


If you want to see where you stand with him, you really just need to ask him. Because guys are not good with subtle hints. I hope I'm not being sexist or too general, but... they need it spelled out to them a lot of the time.

lillywhite1

shellyboo wrote: »

If you want to see where you stand with him, you really just need to ask him. Because guys are not good with subtle hints. I hope I'm not being sexist or too general, but... they need it spelled out to them a lot of the time.

Yes, I have to agree with this and I don't think it is sexist. We, i.e., men, are definitely not good with subtle hints. I, at least, need these things spelled out to me. And you should definitely ask the guy in no uncertain terms what is going on between you. I would prefer that scenario if I was him anyway.