Can't relate to my brother

LegacyUser

Hi there.

I have a bit of a problem no where near as big as the others here but anyway.
Decided I'd go un reg just for sake of anonymity
Im a guy and my older brother is about 2 years older.
We were always very close as kids, we have no other siblings so i suppose that drove it.
Since we became teenagers though things havent been the same and now we are both in our early 20s.
Everytime I talk to him the conversation is very strained, i don't know what to say to him we have nothing in common. Little things he does bug the hell out of me. When I was last home for christmas tensions rose between us a couple of times but nothing happened.
I love him alot but can't stand spending time with him and i feel very guilty about that.
i know i should speak to my parents about it, i am very close to them and they are very.. i dunno, emotionally mature i suppose. But i could never bring myself to tell them that i just dont like my brother and would rather not spend time with him.

I feel like such an asshole.

lizzie09

What does your brother do that bothers you so much?

Taltos

Firstly suggest you stop giving yourself such a hard time. It is ok to love a brother/sister but not actually like them.

One suggestion is to take him out for a drink / meal to clear the air and attempt to get close again.
This could be tricky - if you really want to be close - you have to take a risk here - and a big one...
Be totally 100% honest with him - love him - want to be close to him but not sure why you are no longer as close. Ask him if he wants the same and if he has any suggestions to make things if not as good - even better than before.

You could find that in a few years either you drift further apart or maybe closer - but up to you if you want to wait and see what happens.

In the meantime - you really do need to try to figure out what is annoying you so much before you allow your reactions to lead your life...

Best of luck.

tenchi-fan

You really don't need to get on with him, and you also should not worry about what your parents think. There are 7 billion other people in the world so stop wasting so much energy on one person who doesn't seem to "get" you.

I tried to death to get on with my brother and in the end I just had to give up because he was causing me too much hassle - he was actually revelling in the fact that he caused me so much stress and he said a few times that he enjoyed being able to play games with me and that I was too honest... I didn't believe him. I thought he was just younger and naive and eventually he would appreciate having a brother who tried to look out for him. But the more he said he was better than me, the more he believed it himself. And despite no personal achievements himself he ended up believing he was better than me simply because he could treat me like s*** and get away with it.

Eventually I cut ties with him. I know it gets to him because he spends his time bitching about me ... but that fact I'm not absorbing all his put downs and wasting energy walking on eggshells around him is a huge relief. It took me long enough, but I realised that if he was a stranger he would be the last person I'd want to know.

edit: ps, if you do want to waste your time on him, here are a few useless tactics you can use. Bargaining, pleading, turning a blind eye, appeasement, threats, slagging, put downs, blackmail, bribery....

If you get on ok but just don't have anything in common, you should just keep your distance from him!! You don't need to be friends, and you don't need to be enemies. If you get on relatively well but just don't see eye-to-eye just be polite, say hello when you pass him.. but don't go drinking together, or lend each other money, or offer advice, or compete against each other. There is no reason why two people should try to be friends just because they have the same parents!

Jack B. Badd

I can relate, I don't particularly get on with my younger sister (no other siblings). We used to drive each other mad but that's calmed down since I moved out of home and don't have to deal with her that much and we're both well out of our teens by now. Things aren't exactly strained but we don't go out of our way to spend time with each other - I live in a different country to my family and talk to my parents weekly but could go 3 months without talking to my sister. It's just the way we are - we're very different and if we weren't related I don't think I'd give a second thought to the fact that we don't have a particularly close relationship. Things might change in the future but we'll never be "best friends". Conversely, my partner has a very close relationship with his siblings. Observing their interactions are interesting given that I don't think I could ever relate in the same way to my sister but I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.