wedding rsvp when to reply

life...lemonade

Just wondering when it is considered too late to rsvp to a wedding invitation. I've been invited to the full wedding of a colleague. Its a bit of a long story and perhaps should be in the personal issues section also!

basically was informed approx 4 weeks ago i would be invited to a wedding by the groom. i did not expect an invite and thought it was to the afters however i was given the invite approx 2 weeks ago and it was for the full wedding which is on in just over a week.

The other issue (that perhaps belongs in personal issues forum!) is that the invitation said just me..as in no guest or plus one?? i am single but assumed that it was always basic manners to put a plus one on the invition of a single person?

hence the main reason for my delay in the rsvp, basically as i said before it is to a colleague's wedding and i shall know some of the other guests not really friends but associates. would just appreciate some outside opinions as to whether i should ask if i could bring a plus one ( feels very rude to do this! ) or just get on with it and go along ignore the slight awkwardness that could possibly occur try enjoy myself or not go at all (feel this could be rude also).

sorry for the complexity of my post but would just appreciate some outside opinions on this issue from people in the know!

Thank you!

OS119

two points spring out - you should only go to a wedding if you want to go, and you're going to feel comfortable there. if you don't really know anyone - whether you were to take a friend or not - you'd have to ask quite how much fun you'd have...

secondly you've recieved the formal invite 3 weeks before the wedding - and the informal notice just 2 weeks before that. these people have been planning their wedding for at minimum 6 months, and will have made the initial booking then with a rough idea of who they wanted to invite: i'm sad to say that your invitation is, without doubt, an afterthought to make up the numbers of people who have declined the invite.

if it were me, i'd not bother at all - sorry, not available...

thebiglad

OS119 wrote: »

two points spring out - you should only go to a wedding if you want to go, and you're going to feel comfortable there. if you don't really know anyone - whether you were to take a friend or not - you'd have to ask quite how much fun you'd have...

secondly you've recieved the formal invite 3 weeks before the wedding - and the informal notice just 2 weeks before that. these people have been planning their wedding for at minimum 6 months, and will have made the initial booking then with a rough idea of who they wanted to invite: i'm sad to say that your invitation is, without doubt, an afterthought to make up the numbers of people who have declined the invite.

if it were me, i'd not bother at all - sorry, not available...

Totally agree - don't feel obliged, they are filling the tables

If you like the person and want to go then fine else feel free to decline

How Strange

OS119 wrote: »

secondly you've recieved the formal invite 3 weeks before the wedding - and the informal notice just 2 weeks before that. these people have been planning their wedding for at minimum 6 months, and will have made the initial booking then with a rough idea of who they wanted to invite: i'm sad to say that your invitation is, without doubt, an afterthought to make up the numbers of people who have declined the invite.

You're jumping to conclusions there. We forgot to send one or two people invitations to our wedding initially or rather it didn't occur to us as they weren't our friends but they were important to our parents so they got their invitations quite late. It didn't mean they weren't as welcome as all the other guests.

OP, if you feel uncomfortable going on your own then don't go. Simple as. If you feel it's rude to decline then send them a gift and a regret card.

The point about inviting people without partners has been argued to death on this forum. I'm in the camp of you should always invite plus one but others think the opposite. That aside, it's the bride and grooms day and if they decide to invite people on their own then you have to respect that even if you don't like it or agree with it.

bamboozle

as my gran would say 'a fiddlers invite' whatever about the delay in getting invited, a lot of people only invite work colleagues without partners to their weddings, its just a matter of keeping costs down, and if you're single then i wouldnt be expecting a 'plus one'

for our wedding, our close single friends got a plus one, for other friends, associates etc they were invited on their own.

OS119

How Strange wrote: »

You're jumping to conclusions there....

not an enormous, ocean stradling leap though is it?

he 'forgot' about friends at work - my arse!

if the guy saw the OP regularly at work and had intended to invite him/her he would have twigged much earlier: that he didn't twig much earlier means either he knows the OP well but had no intention of inviting the OP, or that the relationship at work is so tenuous and fleeting that it didn't occur to him to invite the OP in the first place.

until all the rejections started coming through the post.

no, the OP is on List Number 2 - not required to complete the celebrations, but required to make the place look full. oh, and if you could bring cash...

catho_monster

Wow, could you lot be more cynical?
Just because someone is on the "B" list does not mean they're making up numbers and they don't care about the person.
Its quite possible that the couple could only afford to have x amount of people at the wedding, and that family and close friends would have first dibs to those places. Its not inconceivable that work friends would come second to that.
There's no denying your on the second's list, but I wouldnt be quite as offended by it as others here would.
And no, don't ask to bring a plus one. That's just plain rude.

life...lemonade

B list, C list....Z list whatever..point is i was invited. why do people get so upset when theyre not first priority for everything i'm enough of a realist to know thats not always possible!!

the way it happened i was first informed i would be invited approx 6 wks before the wedding, any friends or family i have talked to said this is normal notice for a wedding, not that i'm too bothered now about that. more the issue of the plus one which i've now concluded will not be happening so think i'll just get on with it and go it alone proud to be single :cool: lifes too short and all that

anyways back to my main question which has been forgotten in the cynicism....when is it normal to rsvp by? just out of interest now as much for the current situation!

Thanks for all replies so far.

catho_monster

RSVP by as soon as possible.
Anytime inside of the week is when the hotel needs final numbers by, so do it soon.

seamus

OS119 wrote: »

i'm sad to say that your invitation is, without doubt, an afterthought to make up the numbers of people who have declined the invite.

Probably not an afterthought. You wouldn't invite someone to a wedding if you didn't want them there. However, if you're trying to keep numbers tight, it's not uncommon or unreasonable to have a "second round" of invites when the first negative responses come in.

We had a small range for "error" when sending out our invites. We weren't concerned about going under our minimum number, we were concerned about going over the maximum we could afford, so we held back on a number of invites until we had a better idea of numbers. If we had room for people that we would ideally like to be there, but wouldn't consider them best mates, then we'd invite them. I don't think that's unreasonable and I wouldn't be offended if a colleague invited me to their wedding at short notice.

People have a close circle of friends and a wider circle of friends. Most people know which circle they belong in, so I don't see why anyone should be offended when a closer friend is considered before they are.

This guys seems to have left it a bit tight. We sent out our "first round" 3 months before the wedding and the second round 6 weeks later, so no-one was really put out.

life...lemonade wrote: »

B list, C list....Z list whatever..point is i was invited. why do people get so upset when theyre not first priority for everything i'm enough of a realist to know thats not always possible!!

See, this man knows the score.

more the issue of the plus one which i've now concluded will not be happening so think i'll just get on with it and go it alone proud to be single :cool: lifes too short and all that

Yeah, +1 isn't really done anymore, you're paying for a dinner for someone you don't even know. The general ettiquette is if someone is in an established couple, you invite both of the couple. If someone is single and knows plenty of other guests, you just invite them on their own. If someone is single and knows very few others, let them take a +1.

anyways back to my main question which has been forgotten in the cynicism....when is it normal to rsvp by?

As someone who's organised a wedding, the best time to RSVP is ASAP, no matter how far away the wedding is. As soon as you've made up your mind, respond. They'll be grateful. As catho says, they'll have to finalise numbers within 3/4 days of the wedding, so the sooner they know, the better.

BC

It should say on the invite when the RSVP date is so you reply before then.
Having said that, its polite to RSVP as soon as you can.

It sounds like you don't really want to go though - if you don't want to then just don't go.

Tim Robbins

life...lemonade wrote: »

Just wondering when it is considered too late to rsvp to a wedding invitation. I've been invited to the full wedding of a colleague. Its a bit of a long story and perhaps should be in the personal issues section also!

basically was informed approx 4 weeks ago i would be invited to a wedding by the groom. i did not expect an invite and thought it was to the afters however i was given the invite approx 2 weeks ago and it was for the full wedding which is on in just over a week.

The other issue (that perhaps belongs in personal issues forum!) is that the invitation said just me..as in no guest or plus one?? i am single but assumed that it was always basic manners to put a plus one on the invition of a single person?

hence the main reason for my delay in the rsvp, basically as i said before it is to a colleague's wedding and i shall know some of the other guests not really friends but associates. would just appreciate some outside opinions as to whether i should ask if i could bring a plus one ( feels very rude to do this! ) or just get on with it and go along ignore the slight awkwardness that could possibly occur try enjoy myself or not go at all (feel this could be rude also).

sorry for the complexity of my post but would just appreciate some outside opinions on this issue from people in the know!

Thank you!

Don't over complicate things. They don't have to give you a +1.
And you sunshine don't have to go if you don't want to.

A good tip is if you don't want go send them a nice card wishing them the best of luck and maybe a small book voucher or something.

If you do want to bring someone tell them and I am sure they'll accomodate you.

SeekUp

So the invitation was just to you, which means that just you are invited -- no plus one (which is obviously their choice!). As others have said, if you don't want to go, then don't go. But either way, make a decision and reply as soon as you make it. Otherwise, they have to make it a point to find out whether or not you're coming, which is a bit of a pain in the hole!

Heineken Helen

seamus wrote: »

Yeah, +1 isn't really done anymore, you're paying for a dinner for someone you don't even know. The general ettiquette is if someone is in an established couple, you invite both of the couple. If someone is single and knows plenty of other guests, you just invite them on their own. If someone is single and knows very few others, let them take a +1.

That's what we're doing... there are no +1's... only if somebody doesn't know anybody at all and/or isn't very outgoing... also for some of the older invites.

We're limiting ourselves to 80 people cos that's all we can afford. Trouble is, we're at about 95 at the moment so we're going to HAVE to cut people that we actually really really want to be there. I'm firstly inviting those who I think may not make it (i.e. those who live on the other side of the world) and if they can't come, we'll fill their places. Work people, I'd love to have them all there but simply can't afford it. I'm going to wait til closer to the time to see who's still there and who I'm still friendly with (things move pretty quickly in our place) and then I'm going to have to offend quite a lot of people by only inviting my 'favourites'. A couple have already been dropping hints but I don't do well with hints. NONE of the work people will be getting a +1 invite... sorry but it's a lot of money to spend to be polite.

seamus

Heineken Helen wrote: »

We're limiting ourselves to 80 people cos that's all we can afford. Trouble is, we're at about 95 at the moment so we're going to HAVE to cut people that we actually really really want to be there.

Unless your wedding is only down the road from everyone or those are 95 members of your immediate family, then expect a 30% drop-out rate. No, seriously. We thought we were screwed when we'd invited 150 people, but in the end we barely made 110.

How Strange

seamus wrote: »

Unless your wedding is only down the road from everyone or those are 95 members of your immediate family, then expect a 30% drop-out rate. No, seriously. We thought we were screwed when we'd invited 150 people, but in the end we barely made 110.

We sent out approx 140 invites and only wanted max 100 to attend. We got 98 rsvps to attend and 90 turned up on the night.

We didn't invite any work colleagues but we did invite +1's although no-one brought anyone.

Trampas

For work people unless they had a partner it was a single for us.

Makes it easier on people that having to keep the +1 company when they want to mingle with others.

You will be amazed with the numbers who say no